DD Self Harming

RazWaz

Personally I'd ask your GP for help rather than the school. I self harmed for 10 years before anyone noticed, but it was my school who found out and they really didn't know how to handle it. I was carted off for "inspections" where my body was searched (often by male teachers) for any signs of scars. All that ever did was teach me how to hide it better. I was also sent to counselling through the school, which basically consisted of someone spending 30 mins a week telling me I should take up Yoga.

Try not to do anything without your daughters permission, self-harm is often about control, and the last thing you want to do is make her feel out of control.

purple.sarah

I agree, get her help. Look up the CAMHS- children and adolescent mental health service for your area and ask your GP to refer her to them for counselling. She probably is self harming to deal with the painful events she has experienced. Talking about self harm doesn't necessarily make someone more likely to do it, the problem is keeping things bottled up! Getting her help to talk through her problems with a professional is a positive step. She may not intend to do it again but she needs support to develop more constructive ways of coping.

In the mean time if she feels the urge to self harm there are harmless things she can do, squeezing ice cubes produces a feeling of pain without doing any damage, if people have a feeling of release when they see blood they can replace this by using red dye in the ice cubes. Punching a pillow or a punching bag helps vent pent up frustration. xXMessedupXx had some good ideas.

Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault, stay strong so you can support her. Thinking of you.

lollipopsarah

Oh poor you and DD
We were mortified when the school called us to get our daughter after her P.E teachers noticed the scars, and I must say the school was brilliant and understanding - they referred her for councilling and she had weekly meetings (15 mins) just to chat about any problems.
Of couse hindsight and all that means I can now understand why she did it, which doesn't help with the guilt, but thankfully she stopped and is healing nicely.
Shame she then took up smoking instead but I suppose it's the habit thing and is her way of coping with day to day stress, bless her.
BTW we do get on sooooooooo much better now and I'm so glad when we can share a hug!
Best wishes to you both.
xx

pigpen

in certain social groups it is not about self harm at all it is about fitting in and if you dont have scars to compare you are the freak.. DD1 was one of these.. she was told not to be so stupid and about septicaemia and other diseases she could catch.. soon put her off.

counselling wont do her any harm but it is normal behaviour fo many teens, especially girls..

moments_of_sanity

Thank you so much to everyone for the replies, the recurring message here is that it's more a 'control' issue.

I will speak with her again tonight but want to take it slowly and not seem to be constantly 'on her case' about it.

Big hugs to everyone and lots of thanks to you all. :A

DVardysShadow

moments_of_sanity wrote: »

When she was 7 her Nan died of cancer, the same year her Dad left and the next year brought them home and refused to see them anymore (he only lives 5 mins away and doesn't even recognise them now). I remarried last year to a man they both really like but DH's MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer, DH wanted to care for her at our house and I agreed, MIL passed away in November 10 (at our house) so my poor kids have had a life time of pain in a very short period of time and I bitterly regret the decision now to care for DH's Mum at our house (obviously not the care we gave her but I feel I should have considered my DD's more than my MIL).

You are making a bit of a leap between the undoubted distressing time with MiL dying and your daughter self harming. Unless she has actually said this, don't assume it is relevant.

podperson

DVardysShadow wrote: »

You are making a bit of a leap between the undoubted distressing time with MiL dying and your daughter self harming. Unless she has actually said this, don't assume it is relevant.

I would discuss with her before assuming they are related but since OP said her MIL passed away in Nov 10 and her daughter has told her most of the self harming was done 'at the end of last year' then the time frames do seem very similar.

I also used to self harm when I was a teenager and again it was an issue of having some kind of control. I know I had some very bad cuts during the period my grandad was ill and died as I found it very difficult to cope with the emotional pain I was feeling so instead I gave myself physical pain as that was something I could cope with. I wouldn't do anything behind her back but maybe sit down with her and ask her if she would like to speak to someone like a counsellor about what she's been feeling and how she can try and cope with it in different ways in future.

purple.sarah

Also check if she's having trouble at school as bullying can be a trigger and all the cuts were done with something she uses for school.

purple.sarah

pigpen wrote: »

in certain social groups it is not about self harm at all it is about fitting in and if you dont have scars to compare you are the freak.. DD1 was one of these.. she was told not to be so stupid and about septicaemia and other diseases she could catch.. soon put her off.

counselling wont do her any harm but it is normal behaviour fo many teens, especially girls..

In the OP's DD's case, about 200 scars does not seem like some kind of fad! Especially considering the stress she has been under. It's irresponsible to dismiss this as normal behaviour.

Even if peer pressure was a factor in your DD's self harm (and she was harming herself so it is about self harm) she could have benefited from support to build her self esteem and look at why she felt so desperate to fit in, rather than being called stupid!

Rummer

Look on the Mind website for advice in the interim until you can get a doctors appointment. It is important that your daughter receives support as early as possible.

It is clear that you are a loving parent and you have in no way let your daughter down. Follow the advice of the professionals and calmly reassure your daughter that you are always there for her.