DD Self Harming

moments_of_sanity

DVardysShadow wrote: »

You are making a bit of a leap between the undoubted distressing time with MiL dying and your daughter self harming. Unless she has actually said this, don't assume it is relevant.

Not a leap at all

fannyanna

How are you today OP?

moments_of_sanity

fannyanna wrote: »

How are you today OP?

Hi fannyanna, thank you for asking.

I feel awful today, went to work as normal but couldn't really concentrate on very much so left work half an hour early. I have managed a chat with DD and she has said she doesn't want to see anyone about it. I really want to help her but on the other hand I don't want to abuse the trust she has put in me on the last 24 hours or so I am not going to go behind her back and make an appointment for her to go.

She has said that dealing with MIL living here and passing away here was in part to deal with it. The problem is that she's such a lovely girl she wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone's feeling and I think she is worried about upsetting anyone any more than she has too.

I will speak to her again over the next few days but don't want the self harm to be the only topic of conversation we have.

podperson

I think it's great that you have an open relationship with your daughter. I know when I was at that age I wouldn't have wanted to speak to anyone about the fact I was self-harming, not even my mum. Perhaps just stress to her that if she feels that way again then to come to you and then leave it for a bit.

Matt74

She really needs to undergo in a Psychological Therapy. It can help her a lot to recover from that traumatic moment of her life. It is advisable also not to expose her to the group of people that may cause of triggering of her saddest experience in life.

mollsnan

Speaking from experience with my own daughter I would urge you to contact your GP asap, and see if you can get a referral to local CAMHS unit if there is one in your area. The counsellors there are trained to speak with these young people, and they can help.

moments_of_sanity

Matt74 wrote: »

She really needs to undergo in a Psychological Therapy. It can help her a lot to recover from that traumatic moment of her life. It is advisable also not to expose her to the group of people that may cause of triggering of her saddest experience in life.

Thank you for your message. I have contacted a counsellor who deals in self harm and they have advised to not rush her into seeing anyone if she isn't ready as they feel this would be counter productive. They said DD won't open up to them if she feels she has been 'forced' into going and DD won't trust me in the future as she will believe that if she tells me about it in the future I will just 'force' her to go and see someone again.

I will keep gently speaking with her but I am not going to force the issue.

fannyanna

moments_of_sanity wrote: »

Thank you for your message. I have contacted a counsellor who deals in self harm and they have advised to not rush her into seeing anyone if she isn't ready as they feel this would be counter productive. They said DD won't open up to them if she feels she has been 'forced' into going and DD won't trust me in the future as she will believe that if she tells me about it in the future I will just 'force' her to go and see someone again.

I will keep gently speaking with her but I am not going to force the issue.

I think this is the best thing.

This is all very new to your daughter. She didn't volunteer the fact that she's been self harming. It's purely because you saw the scars by accident.

I'm sure your daughter has gone to a lot of effort to keep this a big secret and the fact that it has now been exposed is a big enough deal for her for the time being I'm sure.

moments_of_sanity

Had a lovely evening with both DD's and DH. Self harming DD spent most of the evening downstairs (which is unusual for her) and we sat looking at clothes and chatting about things she had seen on Youtube or film clips she had seen.

I spoke to DD this morning as she has PE at school today and asked if the shorts she wore showed the scaring, she said it didn't and that she got changed in the toilets so no one at school has ever seen them. I just said 'OK, well if there is anything I can do to help you, i.e needing lycrs undershorts or a cami top under her PE shirt to let me know and we can go and see what we can find.' I also told DD I am still looking at the best scar creams but there were quite a few and I wanted to make sure I got her the right one. She just lowered her head and said 'OK'. We then moved on to talking about another subject.

I can see this is going to be a long process but maybe the fact I and DH know about it we can start to make things a little better for her. Eldest DD has no idea that her younger sister has been self harming and we are hoping to keep it this way.

moments_of_sanity

fannyanna wrote: »

I think this is the best thing.

This is all very new to your daughter. She didn't volunteer the fact that she's been self harming. It's purely because you saw the scars by accident.

I'm sure your daughter has gone to a lot of effort to keep this a big secret and the fact that it has now been exposed is a big enough deal for her for the time being I'm sure.

Thanks fannyanna, yes your right she didn't volunteer the information and had I not gone out in the garage with her I would still have been blissfully unaware. My initial thought when I saw the marks was that she was being bullied - I can't tell you how shocked and upset I was to find out it was her who had done it.

We have spoken about having a 'que' word that only her and I know so that if she feels like she needs to do it again she can say the word that will mean nothing to anyone else but we will know. We have also spoken about her room being a 'safe room', the place that she can tell me anything and I'm not allowed to get cross or shout - she seemed to like that idea so maybe it will help.

I am sure I am finding more grey hairs every day!!!!