Is my marriage normal? Advice needed

eveie189

Thanks for the replies so far.

He is misarable because of the money situation but to be honest when we have had money we have just seemed to fritter it away on rubbish anyway. He is particularly unhappy at the moment beacuse he hasn't got his own car. We have a car but it's an automatic and he says he doesn't like to drive it. Also, I think that he will be unhappy no matter what money we have as there is always something he wants. I think some of it comes from the fact that I control the money, but then I do give us the same 'pocket money' each and he spends all his on cigs.

When I put that he puts conditions on everything, I didn't mean that he stops me doing anything just that anything that happens in his house has to be done his way. in particular when it is out 9 yr old DD doing it. For example she has a small list of household chores that need to be done so she can get her pocket money, well any other day DH wouls have shouted at her for not doing the jobs if she left one out, today he asked her to do 3 of the jobs and an additional job but because she was doing the job he did not ask her to do he shouted at her. She was trying to get all her jobs done.

ElaineC_2

Sometimes the reason people shout are that their needs are not being met. He will feel that you do not listen to him or take his feelings into account.

That is no excuse, but it happens. It becomes a habit which is hard to break

victory

Does he shout because he thinks his life is rubbish anyway and you threaten to leave him he just thinks 'oh well what the hell'

ElaineC_2

Also, put yourself in your child's shoes. However hard she tries she still gets shouted at. Eventually she will stop trying, and OH will shout louder. He needs to be reasonable.

victory

He seems a bit over anxious, once he takes it out on the child then that is a whole different ball game and you need to interveen, the child has no fault as to your relationship. Take the shouting outside.

ElaineC_2

Ask yourself - "If I won the lottery would we go away together or would I leave him"?
If you would leave him then it is only finances keeping you together.
If you would go away together with a lottery win then you may be able to solve your problems.
If you had money would you be more confident to leave him, or would you want to share it to make a better life together?

halibut2209

It seems from your posts that you have nothing but negative thoughts and opinions of him. I can't recall one positive you've said about him at all. Sounds like you've made up your mind and are seeking agreement/justification.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

gosh, wonder why he has to shout, was he the small one in a big family, and looking for attentiion?

pigpen

My XH is a shouter too.. he would start the econd he got in from work.. eventually it got to the point the children had no respect for him, avoided him like the plague, didnt speak to him etc... He also got a bit handy once they started answering back and this bullying horrible behaviour was one of the reasons I divorced him.. I couldnt stand us all having to tiptoe around scared to breathe in case we set him off.. it isnt fair on you or the children. It is evil when they have been at school all day and are just letting off steam.

OH has shouted a couple of times at the baby.. and I went off on one.. I will NOT allow myself to be drawn into a situation like that again.

I could deal with smoking, not working, spending too much time online but shouting just make me want to punch them in the face.. it turns my stomach.

Since we separated the children ask him if his gf is going to be going round because when she is there he doesnt shout.. when she isnt there he shouts and slaps them for seemingly nothing.. then he wonders why they dont want to go!

DUTR

halibut2209 wrote: »

It seems from your posts that you have nothing but negative thoughts and opinions of him. I can't recall one positive you've said about him at all. Sounds like you've made up your mind and are seeking agreement/justification.

And perhaps that is why he is miserable? Let me put myself in his shoes, meets someone he is attracted to, they get married n stuff, then the weight piles on and the cash dries up, yep I would be a misery too, with little outlook on life what is there for him to be happy about?
Ok he has the children BUT so has lots of others plus a content life, yep I would be miserable, he has to apologise yet he is not the only one to blame? Does not sound fair to me. Leave him and everyone can start a new life and seek contentment