Is my marriage normal? Advice needed

wannabe_sybil

I apologise.

euronorris

DUTR wrote: »

No, you didn't read the post or accepted it in the wrong context or just randomly taking a snipe again
Perhaps he should give up smoking purely for health reasons, but if he is the only earner in the household (in the 21st century of equal rights) now you want to take away another of his pleasures, I'm not blaming the OP (solely) but it is you (and others ) saying he should do this and do that, if the roles were reversed the OP would similarly be miserable too, I will put my hand up and say I would not be content if I was the OPs partner in a similar situation. Perhaps his libido has reduced somewhat.

With 3 kids at home, I am sure she is contributing plenty to the household, that would otherwise have cost him a fortune (if he was using a childminder or similar).

Her pleasure, or 'comfort', was seemingly coming from food. She has conquered that, and reduced outgoings at the same time I would imagine, as overeating is not cheap.

However, he is continuing to smoke, yet complaining they have no money. If he wasn't spending the money on that, they could probably afford a couple of nights out per month, or fun days out with the kids (depending on how much he smokes).

It is about priorities. If he is miserable, then he can do something about it. Sulking and shouting will not solve anything, and it certainly won't make him any happier.

I bumped into an old friend at the weekend who instantly started to moan about his job and how he didn't have any qualifications. So, I asked him if studying was an option to get a better job, 'yeah, I guess, but I can't be bothered.' was his response. I can't stand that. There is no point moaning about something when you aren't willing to do anything to change it!

OP, if you want to try and improve the marriage, I would suggest talking to your husband and saying something along the lines of 'You don't appear to be very happy right now, and you are shouting a lot. Not only is this upsetting me and the kids, but it can't be making you feel very good either. What can do to improve things together?' and take it from there.

Mrs.W_2

Another thread descends into battle of the egos.

DUTR

Mrs.W wrote: »

Another thread descends into battle of the egos.

Not at all, unless you meant your post?
As mentioned perhaps folk are misunderstanding when a post is read.
I'm sure if you felt your purpose in life was solely to bear children make the tea , keep a house and keep a partner happy, you may not feel content and few would expect that practice in the 21st century, the converse is also true, a bloke would not want to soley get up in the morning goto work place his salary on the table whilst the rest of the family spent the lot or more , we are all friends here with different views and gender, and it is good to learn from differences

pearl123

Hi OP, People who shout other people down are usually bullies. (Maybe, not the most severe type but still a bully)
I've been doing OU courses for about 2 years now on-and-off. My other half hates that I'm doing OU. He says why can't you just by the book and read up on the subject matter! My way of thinking is my OH thinks he's such a 'smart ar!!' (not) that he'd hate someone more educated around him!
Eveie you appear to be turning you life around - the weight loss and studying - keep going. You'll gain more and more confindence and you'll find the answers.
Bye the way the next time he wants to shout you down. Say to him perhaps " excuse me, am I not entitled to my view - to have my voice heard". etc
Your opinion counts make sure you have your say!

dark_lady

pearl123 wrote: »

Hi OP, People who shout other people down are usually bullies. (Maybe, not the most severe type but still a bully)
I've been doing OU courses for about 2 years now on-and-off. My other half hates that I'm doing OU. He says why can't you just by the book and read up on the subject matter! My way of thinking is my OH thinks he's such a 'smart ar!!' (not) that he'd hate someone more educated around him!
Eveie you appear to be turning you life around - the weight loss and studying - keep going. You'll gain more and more confindence and you'll find the answers.
Bye the way the next time he wants to shout you down. Say to him perhaps " excuse me, am I not entitled to my view - to have my voice heard". etc
Your opinion counts make sure you have your say!

OP im sorry but he sounds very disrespectful.