Splitting the family at Xmas?

jtr2803

Money_maker wrote: »

Always used to give my folks an anniversary card when mum was alive.

Interesting....would your parents have said anything if you didn't though? I had actually handmade them a card on Saturday, we just completely forgot it was Monday yesterday with the bank holiday!

Bennifred

When DH and I were first together, we used to alternate Christmas/New Year with the two families (we lived a few hours from both, and they were a few hours apart). Once we had children, though, we spent every Christmas at home and would invite or visit the families near to but not actually on Christmas Day. It did help that DH often has to work on Christmas Day, which precluded travelling, and that neither of us are only children.........

Money_maker

jtr2803 wrote: »

Interesting....would your parents have said anything if you didn't though? I had actually handmade them a card on Saturday, we just completely forgot it was Monday yesterday with the bank holiday!

Yes but probably would have thought it quite funny if I'd forgotten

barbiedoll

Or do what my friend does and pretend to go away?

Her mother is awful, she spends the day making a big fuss about how she is lumbered with all of the work (after begging the family to go round there so they can all celebrate together), then she gets drunk and maudlin and spends the afternoon helpfully informing her daughter that her house is a mess, her kids are spoilt and her husband is a waster (none of which is true, apart from the messy house lol!)

Now that the kids are old enough to keep a secret, they just pretend that they are off to Center Parcs for a couple of days, they hide their car around the corner, keep the curtains drawn and enjoy a nice peaceful Christmas! :rotfl::rotfl:

picnmix

I give my mum and dad an anniversary card - is that not usual, I also give my friends cards when its their wedding anniversaries.

dibuzz

I used to dread Christmas when I was still married but never had the confidence to do anything about.
We had to go to his mum and dad's on Christmas Day, so that left Boxing Day to go to my mum's which just isn't the same and after a couple of years we got Sky so OH wouldn't go. My mum ended up still making dinner but brining it to ours.
As the kids got older they just didn't want to go anywhere as they had all their toys and games at home so we used to drag them there for dinner then escape as quick as we could. Quite often I would walk home with the kids while OH followed the family tradition of drinking and falling asleep in front of the TV.
When FIL died MIL didn't want to bother cooking as he had always done it so I finally got my first Christmas in my own home.
Now OH has gone the kids and my mum have Christmas Day here then the kids go to his on Boxing Day. He has asked them to go on Christmas Day but there was only one year 2 of them went.
It's no wonder people are so stressed around Christmas, trying to keep everyone happy is hard work and usually someone will be just going along with it to keep the peace.
I really wish I had put my foot down when the kids were little as I feel there are no real Christmas memories because we had to do what someone else wanted.

jtr2803

picnmix wrote: »

I give my mum and dad an anniversary card - is that not usual, I also give my friends cards when its their wedding anniversaries.

I agree it is not necessarily unusual to give a card but absolutely no one I know is expected to supply a card. I have even asked people at work in case it was the done thing and I just didn't know (my parents were never married so no anniversaries in my family) and they all said the same, if they get one it's lovely but they would never expect a card from the children as it's their anniversary, they would certainly never send a snotty text to them about it! I have to admit to finding that so bizarre!

Torry_Quine

picnmix wrote: »

I give my mum and dad an anniversary card - is that not usual, I also give my friends cards when its their wedding anniversaries.

I always gave my parents a card and present for their anniversary and received from them. I give to friends as well.

jtr2803 wrote: »

I agree it is not necessarily unusual to give a card but absolutely no one I know is expected to supply a card. I have even asked people at work in case it was the done thing and I just didn't know (my parents were never married so no anniversaries in my family) and they all said the same, if they get one it's lovely but they would never expect a card from the children as it's their anniversary, they would certainly never send a snotty text to them about it! I have to admit to finding that so bizarre!

the text seems rather strange but if they're used to getting a card I suppose they were surprised.

Back to the topic. For what it's worth I think the most important thing is that you are all together whether at home or with one of your families.

Lexie

I've been with my partner for 8 years now, this will be our 9th christmas together. We didn't want to offend either set of parents at first with whose house we were going to do because the other would be upset so we spend christmas morning at home opening presents with my DD then we visit my mum's, then my dad's. DD then goes to see her dad for an hour or so. Then OH would go to his parents for dinner myself and my DD would go to my mum's for dinner, then around 5pm DD and I would go to OH parents for the evening. works for us for the last few years and everyone lives fairly close most within walking distace.

anguk

Before we had kids we would go to my family on Christmas day and OH's family on Boxing day, once we had kids we refused to go anywhere on Christmas day. Like Pigpen I think it's unfair on kids (especially young ones), they open their presents then have to get dressed in best clothes and leave their new toys to go visiting family.

We would have Christmas at home, nice and relaxed with the kids playing with their toys, the in-laws would come for tea and on Boxing day we'd go to my parents for lunch. I haven't been out of the house on Christmas day for almost 25 years, in fact for the last few years I've even spent the day in pyjamas! :eek: