My son's 18th birthday wish list

delain

I'd go a bit nuts if my DD1 asked for any of ths when she hits 18... for my 18th birthday from my mum I got... A scarf. And a recycled (as in unwanted by my mum) aromatherapy set, she knows I don't do that sort of thing!

So following on from that (also I spent the day alone with DD1 - she was 3 months old and none of my family even bothered visiting me on my 18th ) So I would like my lot to remember their birthdays as being a good thing, as since the age of about 10 I just got the feeling no one gave a sh*t about mine...

However, Even now at 9 DD1 knows what can and can't be obtained from our budget. I wouldn't mind getting her a new phone but she'd be told what the upper price limit was and making a choice of what she can get for that, and if she wants more money towards it for a better budget she'd have to work for it or tell the rest of the family herself that she would like money and why!

victory

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Nara

I can't even remember what I got for my 18th, prolly some money. I remember going out to a club with my friends but i was the only one to get in as everyone else was ID'd lol.

Personally my daughter will have to work for everything she wants in life, like phones/tv's/expensive items. I never had them as a kid so why should she even if i could afford it?

She will also be doing her own cleaning, washing etc once she is old enough, because quite frankly, i won't be doing it.

Harsh but helps them learn a life lesson and to care for themselves. You don't realise how expensive just living is till you move out for yourself.

victory

....................t:D

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

victory wrote: »

I reckon his gf will buy him a card for me and he will get out of it that way, he said he had no money so I said the £1 ones like a scratchard or a lucky dip or £1 chocs from poundland, there are plenty of things for £1 and I am certainly not of his nature that NEED a blackberry or the latest gadget, I am just happy to be with the family and enjoy the day, chocs are never refused though;)

Cant you make a few demands of your own about what you would like off him (free ones)

Like:

breakfast in bed (you'll get food in, he cooks it!)
Him to do the house work
He can cook dinner & or wash pots
He can wash the car
erm . . im sure others will add a few lol

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

victory wrote: »

Yes the air is cleared, he did apologize quite honestly and openly, we talked money to him as he knows us and what we have, he said he sees all that but he wants for his 18th so he can look cool and he is in a predicament of wanting it all so he can be one of the in crowd, I get his heart ache but not enough to pay for it:D

"If we cant afford it you dont get it"

If he doesnt understand that then give him a slap and tell him each time he's ridiculous he'll get another lol

Similar to what my dad drilled into me "If you dont have the money to buy it, you dont get it!" (I listened - no credit cards and no over drafts for me lol)

RE his jobs around the house - My dd is 4 and even she has a list of chores - kick his butt into shape, remind him 18 is an adult and he can certainly tidy up etc after himself!!

victory

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euronorris

victory wrote: »

Yes the air is cleared, he did apologize quite honestly and openly, we talked money to him as he knows us and what we have, he said he sees all that but he wants for his 18th so he can look cool and he is in a predicament of wanting it all so he can be one of the in crowd, I get his heart ache but not enough to pay for it:D

Well then, maybe it's time to try a different approach with him. We're all different after all, and so respond differently to different things.

Maybe it's time to point out all of the positives he's got, and to ask him if his friends are so lucky? ie, family who care - there were plenty of kids with flashy stuff at my school, and more pocket money than a teenager ever needs, but that is because they were essentially being bought by their fathers (or mothers in a few cases) who couldn't be bothered to see them, so just threw more money/gifts at them. Once I got to know these kids better, I realised just how much they were missing out on, and just how lucky I was!

In my year of about 65 kids, I was one of only about 5 whose parents were still together. And even then, some of the parents who were still together, were still throwing money at the kids rather than have to actually take an interest in them.

Sure, they had the latest trainers, and 100 quid per week pocket money, but I know they would've happily given that all up if the absent parent (or the non caring parents) would just spend time with them instead.

Have you tried that approach? Pointing out all of the fantastic stuff he has, and asking him if all of his friends have got that too?

victory

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Caroline_a

victory wrote: »

There is no way I am going to name names, as previously said I have not disprespected my own son by talking about him on this thread, n one knows where he lives, who is gf is, where we live, his name, etc nothing so this is confidential, not likely to read and if he does nothing he would honestly find hard to disagree with....so anyway he has a friend, I like him a lot, he comes round a lot, he is a very large boy, lonely and has super wealthy parents that give him up to yes you are going to read it right -£20 for his lunch break at 6th form:eek:

This lad is lovely, what he needs is love, his parents to be at home, for them to give him emotional support, take him out , spend time with him, he has not of that, comfort eats, does not think a lot of himself and just comes round here because all that my son has, his friend wants, he would give every last penny back to have what my son so readily accepts as the norm.

My heart breaks for this lad, the gadgets he has, the gizmos he has, what he does not have is someone at home cooking him dinner, taking care of him and listening to him, my son has all that.

Not surprised he's large!

I remember when my kids were growing up we had little money, the older 2 girls (who are close in age) didn't usually get the same present but the money was always the same. However, I used to see other people who had less money than us buying huge presents for their kids on credit. The proportion of money spent on birthdays and Christmases for these kids seemed to be in inverse proportion to their income, for example TVs for toddlers, computers for 5 year olds, etc etc. I used to wonder what these people would get their kids for the 'big' birthdays...