What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

jennihen

Hello John - I think you were right about it being too soon! I was still in shock as my friend passed away yesterday morning. It was a difficult family situation but we've spent the day doing 'practical things' and feeding off each other.
Each of us, myself and her two children, know a small piece of the picture but not the whole story so we're piecing it all together.
I knew of my friend's wishes and her financial affairs.
We are all taking a day or so now to come to terms with all that has happened and meeting up on Wednesday.
So far we have 2 wills - basically the same but one is not signed. They differ in the naming of executors but the distribution is the same.
There is enough money in the bank accounts to settle debts and cover the funeral expenses, no personnal effects of any value except a car, and a house.
They are applying for the grant of probate and I will start notifying once the DC has been signed and I can get copies. In the mean time I will arrange to have the medical equipment collected from the house.

Thankyou for the kind advice. I'm going to switch off for a day or so and recharge my batteries. I was still in shock when I posted last night, and no good to anyone!

Thankyou again and my thoughts and best wishes to everyone who has contributed to this phenominal thread.
Jen

John_Pierpoint

The unsigned will is legally only fit for the re-cycling bin.

Make sure that the signed will has been drawn up correctly and witnessed correctly and hope that there is not yet another will floating about somewhere. (I am assuming the deceased was living in England/Wales and does not own overseas property?).

My saga started here

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1164505

You might no believe it but there are still one or two issues still unresolved, but I've managed to turn up complications that appear on most of the pages of the "Which?" books; hopefully your estate will be more simple (but perhaps not as valuable).

jennihen

Thankyou John - I remember that thread - I first saw it when our own mother passed away - although there was no uncertainty in the wording of her will, it was obvious that a sentence had been added after the original will had been witnessed. Happily it was all resolved relatively easily.

Its being put in the hands of a solicitor tomorrow.

Thankyou so much for such practical and sensible advice.

Susannah2011

newoap wrote: »

A Useful Book
When my mother died 3 years ago I bought a bought called `Death and Probate` -a self help guide to managing procedures. It`s by Gordon Bowley & costs £9.99. It answers every thinkable question & I have since lent it to 2 friends.
A safety precaution is to have a Power of Attorney in place in case someone becomes mentally incapacitated, especially if you live alone.
This is not an easy subject to think about but the more one can do whilst alive, make a will, plan your funeral, give details of financial bodies etc to a reliable relative the easier it is for those left behind at a time of mental stress & sadness.

Newoap, thanks for your advice. I think it will be helpful for those who need it.

onlyroz

Is there any way of finding out if a will has been written, other than searching possessions and asking around the local banks/solicitors? My father-in-law died at the weekend and the most recent will we can find is dated 1992 - we think it likely that there would be a more recent one, but haven't been able to find it so far.

Amishwannabee

My question is on behalf of m-in-law who is in her 80s. She "deserted" (her words not mine) her husband after many years of a very unloving, trying marriage and has not lived with or heard from him in over 15 years. She knows where he is though as he keeps in contact with eldest son who lives abroad and visits him when he comes to the UK.
They are both now in their 80s and neither of them have ever gone for a divorce. M-in-law is now worried about how it affects the other surviving one when one of them passes on? Should she now get a divorce and what might it entail cost and time wise? Are either of them expected to pay off any debts that the other might have? - not that she has any and would not expect he has either. Equally she does not have a lot of money in the bank but would he be able to claim any of it if she passed on first?
Neither of them own property and both are living in long term rented accomodation partially receiving HB.
As we have no experience of divorce any advice would be most helpful to us and thanks for reading.

John_Pierpoint

She needs to make a will.

Presumably there are no jointly owned assets?

Has he/she/they got a life insurance policy?

Presumably when she dies not want husband turning up at her funeral claiming to be the next of kin?

The possibility does exist that if husband dies, she might be assumed to be next of kin - a role that presumably elder son would rather handle?

Perhaps husband would agree to make a will too

Amishwannabee

Thank you for the will advice - not sure if she has one but will investigate. Still not sure if a divorce of some kind is required though. There are no joint assets and no insurance policies - at least not worth anything much probably just enough to pay for burial. Might have to speak to b - in - law when he next comes to the UK and see what he thinks.

inneed

My mums funeral is in 9 days time, and my 89 year old father is worrying about whether he should tip the minister, pallbearers etc, and if so, how much? I think it seems inappropriate, but he says he has seen it done. Does anyone know the usual procedure?

sarymclary

Firstly, my condolences for your loss.

I am not sure about tipping them. It seems almost inappropriate at such an occasion. I would suggest a donation to the Church would be more appropriate, and the pallbearers are salaried, and unlike in times gone past, when it would have been a poorly paid job, the minimum wage helps to ensure everyone gets a good enough wage nowadays. The funeral parlours get plenty enough money for doing their job, so this seems like an unnecessary expense, and workers for them are usually well remunerated.

I would make it clear to your father that it's not the 'done thing' to tip the pallbearers, and that a discrete donation in an envelope could be left with the minister after the service? That way he'll at least feel like he's done things right. I guess your father just wants to feel like he's doing everything the right way, and this is his way of coping.

I did a quick search online with the question about tipping pallbearers, and it seems that in days gone by it was usually a job undertaken by friends/family, rather than the funeral home's staff. That is why they were usually tipped, as a way of saying thank you, giving them money in their pocket for a drink, etc. Now that the pallbearers are usually paid staff, it is not necessary, and would be deemed to be in bad taste. Maybe you can convey that reasoning somehow to your father.

Take care, and I hope everything goes as well as it possibly can for you all.