What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

RussellT_2

Hi all this is my first Reply I hope you find it useful.

My Grandfather died just before Christmas and my Aunt who was the executor of his will had also lost her husband suddenly in November. Needless to say it was a tough time and she was unable to administer my Grandfather's estate. The things I have learnt from helping her are as follows.

1 The funeral costs come first so if the deceased asset will only just cover it (in my Grandfather's case) ask the bank to send a cheque direct for the total balances of their account to the funeral home direct, otherwise they will pay off any credit card balance they may have.
2 Check with you solicitor if it is wise to do Probate. It you can't find a will you may have to.
3Get a close friend to help, it's very difficult to contact life companies etc when you are greiving and anyone can report a death.
4Use the charity CRUISE they can provide practical and emmotional support from people who know what you are going through.
Below is the URL for a website I found vey useful.

http://www.ifishoulddie.co.uk/

Regards Russell

RussellT_2

kittie wrote:

we need to bring our wills up to date and reading the above, my dh and I will be setting up EPAs.

Can I have some advice on appointing an executor. Last will we appointed 2 of our children but would it be best to appoint each other instead

Hi
if you appoint a solicitor as an executor they can charge big bucks. Who ever you do appoint as executor will have complete legal access to your estate, money etc when you pass away. On my will I have my wife as executor, followed by my son (should she pass away before me), then my daughter, followed by my sister (should my children not reach maturity before I die or if my children pass away before me). All my close members of my family (wife, mother, sister, and brother) have a copy of my will, so they know my wishes and how my assets will be split. After my grandfather's death in December there was an ornament which two of his children wanted and it almost turned into an arguement, we tossed a coin to decide. So in my will I have a list of people who can choose something from my estate of sentimental value and in what they can choose.
I hope this helps
REGARDS Russell

MJay

Just realised that you are not allowed to post attachments (see earlier)....

Here is some questions you might want to ask yourself about your own death and some for those trying to sort out your affairs. Perhaps spare your nearest & dearest some problems...... Hope it triggers some thoughts. Cheers Mary

• Is there a will and if so do others know where it is?
• Does the will state what you want for your funeral and how to dispose of your body?
• Do you know how much it will be for a burial plot in your authority or the place where you want to be buried/ the cost of a specific place for your ashes/ or have you already got the place and do others know?
• Do you/ others want a headstone for you? What would you / others like as an epitaph for you? Will anyone be upset? If so, sort it now while YOU can!
• Do you need a Living Will or have you made it clear to others what you would want if you were terminally ill or in a vegetative state and unable to speak for yourself?
• Have you stipulated and specific items to go to specific people? If so, does everyone know? Will anyone be upset and perhaps cause enmity between them and the recipient? If so, sort it now while YOU can!
• Do you want your favourite Charity Shop/ other to receive your recyclables that no one wants? Do others know this?
• Do you want people to have a wake/ breakfast/ other event after the funeral? If so, where and is it to be solemn or a bit of a ‘party’? Will anyone be upset by your choice? If so, sort it now while YOU can!
• What arrangements are in place for bill payment (Council Tax; Water etc) at the time of your death and will this be important to someone else?
• What needs to be done to secure your property after death (e.g. the house alarm code) ? Do others know?
• Is there specific money for your funeral or will it be paid out of your overall estate?
• If the latter, will your chosen funeral director be willing to wait for the bill to be paid?
• Have you left details handy of how to get in touch with family members and friends?
• Do you want to go in ‘Rolls Royce’ style or ‘cheap as chips?
• Are you sure that what you want for yourself is not going to upset those you love and perhaps cause enmity between them? If so, sort it now while YOU can!
• Number of Death Certificates? Think of the number of companies/ Benefit Agencies/ Banks etc who will all want an original (not a copy) then add at least three more for good measure as others may need one for their purposes (i.e. if they have to cancel a holiday and claim on their insurance because you are dead).
• Do you have a view about children at your funeral? Tell someone but respect parents own choice about young children.

Questions for others sorting out your affairs:
• If the death occurs at distance, funeral directors local (to where the deceased lives/ are to be buried) can be contacted and they will make all the arrangements on your behalf. If money is an issue, do try and get some idea of price when you negotiate as this can be expensive.
• Try and take time to dispose of goods not specified in the Will. Once they are gone, they are gone! If it is practical, put them somewhere all agree on for a period of three months and then decide.
• If there is to be an autopsy, don’t let anyone close to the bereaved go to it without support and do have a written list of questions they would like answered if possible. Coroners can be very good and if they are aware of some of these questions, most will try to be helpful. Beware! Vexatious or accusatory questions may be frowned upon.
• Be aware of children and young people’s feelings/ need for information/ possible need for support. Don’t keep the death a secret as this can be devastating to children who learn later.
• Consider what the child wants in relation to the funeral and perhaps visits to the grave etc afterwards.
• If the child wants to be present, give them age appropriate information about what will happen, what they may see or hear, how others might behave at the funeral. Help them make an informed choice and leave it open for them to change their minds right up to the last minute by having ‘fall back’ arrangements.
• Be aware of different people’s grieving style. Allow others to assist in the tasks around the death – they may need to be ‘busy’ as a way of coping for themselves.

Hope this might be useful to someone....

duncansh_2

The version for death in scotland can be found at this link:

After a Death in Scotland- 8th Edition

twink

re car ins, yes layercake, i was just learning to drive but i got the amount of no claims bonus my dh had, which was the full amount you could have

marbella

My husband died 16 months ago we have a 15 year old child. We made wills before he died as we knew how long he had left. One of the people in the will has now died so do I have to make a new one as I would like to change the details anyway. I didn't know where to go go for advice of any kind, and I have found this site to be very helpful. thanks.

Natty68

My condolences to those that have lost loved ones, I too have recently just lost my mother rather suddenly at the end of November last year. We found a will but it was out of date and every one was adamant that there was a new one, now we have the added trouble of going for revoking it or at least a Deed of Variance. Her house has been picked clean by her "friends" regardless of what the will has said and although I am not named at all I still have this mess to pick up, being the only child.

Her solicitors are taking forever to act on this will and I am having to involve a solicitor on my behalf.

Luckily my husband and I have a will drawn up, and we have only just drawn up a codicile on it to make it uptodate. Most of the family are aware of what our requests are. But I would hate to put my family through what I am having to go through with my own mother's will.

maggie510

Shakey999 wrote:

- 'What to do when someone dies' - it is freely availble. Just ring 0845 606 5065, they will be through to their local Pension Centre and ask them to send you the above booklet.

Just tried this and was told they didnt stock them :rolleyes: (Was also asked if I was a Pensioner!!!)

I was given a copy of this booklet (very useful) when I registered my husbands death (Oct02) but as this was 2 1/2 months after he died (because there was an inquest) most of the info was too late (not very useful...) Why dont undertakers give them out, cause they are the first people you deal with?

Natty68

The undertaker I went to to organise Mum's funeral gave us the uptodate booklet. Maybe it depends on which undertaker you go to.

maggie510

Word of warning.. I was so desperate to get everything "sorted" as soon as possible after my husband died, I made an appointment with the solicitor for the day after the funeral. Still in shock (N's death was sudden and unexpected) I asked for the solicitor to handle the estate, expecting a big bill, but thought it would be worth it...
2 weeks later they had done nothing, not even informed the bank etc, which I ended up doing. They did not inform me of their charging policy until they had begun work, but I then discovered they not only charge a LOT!! they also take a percentage cut of the estate!! Beware this is standard practice apparently. I was so incencsed as I felt they were stealing from my kids inheritance. After a meeting with one of the partners they did waive the percentage (I would have taken the work off them if not)

In hindsight I could have dealt with things myself, but in the first few weeks of grief you just do not think straight. Valued friends/relatives need to step in and offer help and support here



There is a group called the WAY Foundation that is for widowed people who were widowed under the age of 50 .I have found them alot of help .They organise meet ups and ,general help .(just type WAY Foundation in the Search Engine)


I too found WAY a huge help (Not very well known, national organisation, purely volunteer run)