Bad Bad Booby

kissjenn

You are amazing SH. Instead of just letting it all wash over you, you're off setting up companies and blogging.

Oddly enough, I know the recurrence and survival rates for this type aren't great but I'm really and truly fine about it all. I want everything sorted for DS and I intend to be around for a good while to make sure he's fine. Maybe it's a weird sort of maternal denial but I wanted the truth from the consultant and eventually got it. Once she confirmed what I'd found was correct I was calm, it was them refusing to discuss it that completely freaked me out.

Dog has just returned from taking small boy for a walk. Both are soaked and she's skating around the kitchen, hyper as hyper can be. Very funny as her stopping distance is far greater than the kitchen floor available.

savingholmes

Thanks KJ for the compliment. I don't think any of us ever appreciate what we do ourselves - we just take it for granted - rather than stopping a moment to take it in and celebrate what we have achieved. I can just picture your dog sliding across the floor

I was stunned by all you achieved when I read your diary last year.... that was all against the odds too. My friend with the brain cancer had less than 10% survival chance and yet she is here 10 years on. She had to have an operation 2 years ago and it had a really high risk of damaging her personality or indeed of her not surviving - but she did survive, personality in tact and even went on a cruise this year - her second in the 10 years... People have an amazing ability to survive and overcome huge obstacles... that isn't denial that is harnessing the power within us. I know it doesn't work for everyone - but I think hope and laughter transform situations

I've become a lot more social this year - I think which is partly because I've recognised how much I need people to get thro lifes tough times...

kissjenn

OK chemo time.

Actually nervous about this...not sure why...just jittery.

When I get back I must send builders invoice to insurers.

chevalier

Are you nervous because this might be the beginning of the rest of your cancer free life.

Are you nervous because you aren't sure of the side effects?

I think you would be a flippin robot if you weren't nervous - especially after your ex was such a berk (to be politer than he deserves) over the weekend.

I will be sending you postive vibes that you will be as fine as you can be
chev

kissjenn

Thanks Chev.

Nervous about side effects...they've just phoned to push my appt out by an hour and to say they're doubling the steroids. Last dose pushed my blood sugar so high they had to treat with diabetic drugs and now they want to double. Have told them I want to discuss with doctors first, so little old troublemaker me!

chevalier

I hope that the talk went ok.

:eek: about the blood sugar level, that would worry me if they were going to double the dose and didn't have a plan in place to counteract that
chev

savingholmes

Hi KJ - I would want to know all the details too as part of knowing what to expect... I think sensible you.... Hope the doctor cooperates. When I was preparing for hospital recently I was recommended to do a hospital plan where I spelled out what I needed to keep me calm and reduce my anxiety... perhaps you could try a similar thing. I was convinced that they would think I was a diva and just be annoyed but actually they were fine with it... Just a thought

Hugs again

kissjenn

Hi,

Well steroid chat didn't happen as I've developed a blood clot, discovered during the scan I had after I conked out in the chair. One old lady thought I'd died when they whippped me out, they were all impressed by 6 nurses and 2 doctors materialising in 10 seconds flat tho.

I have never fainted before and not keen on ever doing again to be honest. Had some weird images flashing through my brain when I came to, it was exactly like having a general anesthetic, just a bit unplanned.

So now Groundhog Chemo Day starts again tomorrow at 9am. PICC Line can't be used due to clot so vein hunting begins...I will be covered in ouchy plasters this time tomorrow.

Good news is blood sugar seems to be very steroid specific so diabetes long term looking unlikely.

We did also talk about what makes me anxious and oddly enough chemo isn't my favourite thing but we're getting close to seeing the end and just need to push thro. So I'm going to keep telling them about what freaks me SH and hopefully even talking about it will help me get thro it .

savingholmes

Hi KJ it is good to have at least some control of what is happening.

Scary about the blood clot but at least you were in the right place when you conked out. Sounds like you got a good response team. I passed out the first time I went to the loo after the op - that was embarrassing...:o 4 nurses then trying to get me up and back to bed - I did let them know it was happening tho LOL :rotfl:In my case it was just lots of drugs rushing to my head all at once - combined with the major exercise :eek: of getting from the bed to the loo about 6ft away :rotfl:

Good that the blood sugar issue was steroid specific

Good that you got to talk as I bet you've been bottling a lot up - trying to protect all those nearest and dearest to you.:grouphug: Don't know whether you've found Macmillan yet but I definitely would get in touch with them - its what they're there for.... They were amazing for the family when my FIL had cancer.

Good that you can chat on here.... If you ever want to talk on the phone to someone outside your situation pm me and I will give you my number...

The_Golden_Goose

Hello!

Me and the Gosling wish you loads of calming vibes for tomorrow's chemo session. I would also send you MrGG's but I am not talking to him.

Life with the Gosling is amazing, eye opening, tiring, exhausting, troubling, guilt ridden, the works. Yet I wouldn't change a thing. I love the little feathered one so much its untrue. Pre-kids, eg years and years ago when I heard people saying they'd die for their kids etc, I used to think "well OK I sort of understand but its a bit OTT" but now I have my own, I totally get it. They give you so much pleasure don't they?