Bad Bad Booby

chevalier

Hi Kissjen
Wow alot has happened to you. I am sorry your marriage broke down. I read back over your last diary and didn't see you mention it, so I guess I missed a diary somewhere. That must have been hard to cope with, and then all the other stuff on top.

I will keep you in my thoughts and thinking shrinking thoughts for you.

Kia Kaha
Stay Strong
chev

kissjenn

Thanks Chev, lovely to hear from far off NZ.

Break up with OH was hard (not married so legally easier). He's now living in Dads old house and Dad's here in his Grandad Pad.

Hospital went well today but they've warned me that Monday may be a bit of a bleugh-fest. Possibility of an anti-emetic pump being used so I'll cope if they can keep a head on it.

Did a big shop on way back to make sure fridge well stocked for next week....the idea of DS being reduced to 5 square meals a day is not good prospect for East Scotland. He'd be out roaming the streets and may pitch up at :dance:your house, he's lovely and house trained tho .

Met up with an friend from old work. We treated ourselves to lunch and movies - not even slightly MSE but it was a lovely afternoon - forgiveness please

Hope everyone else's day has gone well.

The_Golden_Goose

I guess we can forgive you this ONCE!!

Boy did I do a double take when I read about you losing a nipple! Glad you found it before the dog did! So have you had a masectomy? Sorry if too nosey. Feel free to ignore difficult or plain stoopid questions that come from my direction.

Hope Monday is not too rotten for you.

kissjenn

Hi GG, lovely to see you again.

Happy to answer any and all questions. Until this happened I thought there was "breast cancer", a single disease and associated treatment - now I know there's a flavour for every week of the year and different treatment regimes and side effects for every patient.

Plan is to have a lumpectomy and plastic surgery after the chemo. Posh name is neo-adjuvant chemo, they use it to shrink the tumour and hopefully avoid the need for a mastecomy. Also tumour is underneath breast so danger of it collapsing in on itself if too much tissue removed.

The surgeons are very proud of themselves, they take a boob each and while the oncology surgeon removes all the cancer, the plastic surgeon copies him and creates a matching boob on the uninfected side. In fact he makes a matching breast 1 cup size smaller as radiotherapy normally shrinks a breast by a cup size. So this means that once everything is finished I should have a cool pair of matching breasts. They keep telling me that this is worth a fortune in the real world...almost an MSE boob job :rotfl:

Tumour is shrinking dramatically so the cunning plan is well on track. New and exciting flavours of chemo (!!!!!!! FEC) starts Monday.

Hows life with the Gosling?

savingholmes

Hi KJ - just found your diary again.... Gosh what a year - I was so pleased when I read that you had got thro the £100K conversion without adding to your debt - and then sad for you when I read about your relationship break up, flat burning down and the really important one - cancer. Good to see you are staying positive and motivated. Can totally relate on the sudden menopause thing as I had a blood transfusion at the start of the year - and ended up on a chemical menopause before my hysterectomy this summer. I'm grateful it was nothing more serious for me - but having a fan on my desk at work and going from freezing to sweating in less than a few seconds is just weird!

Trust you're going to beat this illness. Glad you are being sensible and taking a step back from the letting side of your business where you can. Irritating about the lost contract but there will be others. What matters most right now is you and your DS. Look forward to following your journey... and if there's any help I can be along the way - let me know...

chevalier

kissjenn wrote: »

Thanks Chev, lovely to hear from far off NZ.

Break up with OH was hard (not married so legally easier). He's now living in Dads old house and Dad's here in his Grandad Pad.Still a hard thing to do especially as you have been through so much together.

Hospital went well today but they've warned me that Monday may be a bit of a bleugh-fest. Possibility of an anti-emetic pump being used so I'll cope if they can keep a head on it. I hope that they are wildly wrong and there is no bleugh in your Monday.

Did a big shop on way back to make sure fridge well stocked for next week....the idea of DS being reduced to 5 square meals a day is not good prospect for East Scotland. He'd be out roaming the streets and may pitch up at :dance:your house, he's lovely and house trained tho . I am guessing your DS is a teenager then, and eats you out of house and home! There again my two are going that way too and they are only 10 and 7! It has been interesting recently as they have BOTH been after seconds of meals, not many leftovers going for OH's lunches:eek::eek:. I imagine when 5 years or so older my grocery shop may well double:eek::eek::eek:

Met up with an friend from old work. We treated ourselves to lunch and movies - not even slightly MSE but it was a lovely afternoon - forgiveness please

Hope everyone else's day has gone well.

I am glad I found your diary. I have been a bit down in the dumps, but you have reminded me that there is ALWAYS someone who is worse off than you (see my diary for my winge fest). So thanks for that.
chev

kissjenn

Well this weekend has seen a first...my ex-husband spoke to me for 34 minutes...the longest dialogue in over 10 years :eek:

He's been considering my situation and wants me to know that I've been a good mother and it would be helpful if I waived his CSA debt (£4.5k and mounting) so he can be available to help look after our son when I'm no longer here!!

Ladies and Gents, put on your winter woolies because Hell will freeze over before I assign him the whiff of an executer's role and...and...AND...I've no bl00dy intention of dying.

I've now had to tell DS who's 18, but a very young and trusting 18, that his father thinks I'm about to pop my clogs and isn't that hilarious. Thankfully he laughed and now when daddy starts looking sad and starts his nonsense, DS won't be freaked (I hope ).

What is the correct term for murdering an ex??

• Arsicide?
• Pratticide?
• Dont-mess-with-me-icide?

Answers on a postcard please...

savingholmes

KJ - If I knew you better I could offer you a hug - or a go at the boxing sack hung in our garage! Gosh how insensitive can someone be!! At least your DS took it well.

At least its things like that that confirm for you you made the right decision splitting up.... if you needed confirmation.

Let's hope it gets better from here! I have a friend with brain cancer - whose had it 10 years and has beaten all the odds. Good food and lots of laughter are highly recommended! Make time for those friends of yours and don't let pride hold you back from accepting help. I am sure you've helped plenty of others in your time - and its now time to reap the rewards of some of that investment.... Look after yourself...

Have you got anything nice planned for tonight?

kissjenn

All hugs gratefully received SH.

At first I thought it was funny because the man is a ****** (insert any suitable expletive) but then I thought about the possible impact on DS. He's being very strong and focused about this because we've agreed I'll get better so the last thing I need is a part time father completely terrifying him by saying actually it's much worse when it isn't.

Tonight is a loaf on the couch and get things ready for the morning. You got anything exciting planned?

savingholmes

Hi KJ - please accept a hug or three then! Breast cancer has really good long term survival rates. I had a hysterectomy this year and was terrified of that as I have a hospital phobia - I asked another friend of mine who had come through cancer how she got through it. She said - she was aware of negative statistics but was a single parent and couldn't even consider not surviving so she just focused on getting through it and getting on with it and didn't entertain the fear. She went on holiday shortly before her operation and following her recovery and she is doing really well now 2 years on. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through but there are so many amazing people who have walked where you're walking and come through the other side - hopefully you can find inspiration and support through some of their stories - as of course your make your own.

You are such a fighter that came thro so much when I read your diary a year or so ago - you can beat this - and get thro the rubbish cluttering your way in between then and now.

I am just about to go back to work following my own operation. I have a permanent day job which gives us financial stability - and I used my fear of the operation to motivate me to give myself something positive to focus on while I was off and so set up a limited company and have another go at blogging and try and generate business that way. Amazingly it has paid off - a company I used to work for offered me another role - part time - I turned that down but offered to do some work for them on a consultancy basis on top of my day job - and they said yes... It is only a couple of days to start with but it is a step in the right direction. I am now madly rushing round trying to get my indemnity insurance and bank account in place....

Currently sat watching xfactor with DD while reading diaries to try and motivate myself to be stricter mse wise