Am I overreacting?

saterkey

Sounds like shes doing "if I mess her around enough times shell make the decision to break the friendship for me" routine.

ive had a friends who has backed out on me three times at last minute on things that ive organised and basically i havent contacted her again since

hope you get it sorted.

make_me_wise

meritaten wrote: »

I am wondering if your friend is actually suffering an illness? she may feel fine when agreeing or suggesting plans - then has periods of illness? she may be hiding suffering something like ME or MS? I would talk to her and tell her how disappointed you are - and perhaps say something like 'I am getting really worried how many times you can't do things we planned as you don't feel well enough'? 'I am scared that you are ill and haven't told me'?

Exactly this. As I read your post this was the first thing that crossed my mind too.

belfastgirl23

If you basically like her and get on with her, then continue to meet up but on a much more casual basis. I wouldn't arrange to do anything that involves any organisation or preparation on your part. I wouldn't necessarily make a fuss about it but if asked I would just say that since she often isn't able to keep to arrangements that it's best to just do it this way.

The thing I don't like though is that she is clearly prioritising other friendships over yours if she isn't seeing you because she has other social arrangements. And if she's being upfront about this then it's disrespectful - I'm not seeing you because something better has come along. I'd understand a bit better if it's work pressures. But you'll know best whether this is really the situation. If it was this I think I'd have to at some point say 'so you're choosing to do x instead of honouring the arrangement we've made. I'm a bit disappointed with this'. Often people don't necessarily realise this is what they're doing when they cancel arrangements like this. Maybe it would be helpful to say it explicitly.

BillTrac

Get rid and spend time with friends who give a s**t.

Life is too short to waste on people who pretend to be your friend, but will dump you on the slightest whim.

esmerelda98

Give her a chance to change. Tell her you are feeling messed about and explain why. If there isn't a significant change in her attitude then cut your losses. This is assuming you want to maintain this friendship. If you have had enough already then just move on. My approach would then be to be friendly enough, but not invest a lot of time in the relationship. I would refuse to make any plans with her, explaining that I find her too unreliable.

lolseh

As someone who has ME I know I could go out for a night one weekend enjoy myself but for the rest of that week and next weekend I wouldn't be well enough to go back out very long. Some people don't believe in things like ME still so maybe she could have something like this wrong but doesn't want to tell you incase you become judgemental. If she does have something like this wrong then personaly I think she is better off without friends who seem to think she is messing them around because I know how much easier life got for me when I got rid of the waste of spaces

neverdespairgirl

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I'm notorious for saying i will attend functions etc - then only staying for a short time. Not because i dont want to go, but because I have so much on and sometimes I just cant deal with facing people. (Im also notorious for turning up late lol)

I think you should re-think that - being notorious for being a pain in the neck and inconsiderate wouldn't be a "lol" for me.

Newgirl_2

I'm not a big fan of people who suggest or say yes to things then always cancel. Nor of people who are consistently late (disrespectful in my opinion).

I think your 'friend' has every right to pick and choose what she goes to BEFORE she agrees to something. Unless there is some intermittent problem preventing her (and by that I mean an illness stopping her being out elsewhere gallivanting elsewhere on the same night) then it sounds like she is doing one of the things suggested. Or perhaps she's over committing so as not to be left with nothing to do. Who knows.

To answer your question, no i don't think you're overreacting. i would insist on getting the money back and, once you have it, have a frank talk with her about how this upsets you. Depending on her reaction, tell her you are going to take OH on the trip and that you will still see her but on a more casual basis so your plans are not upset. I have several friends who prefer to be spontaneous so that's what we do with them, and another friend that i can suggest something to her now for 2 months' time and not only will she remember, she'll email me the night before to make arrangements.

Newgirl

Mupette

lolseh wrote: »

As someone who has ME I know I could go out for a night one weekend enjoy myself but for the rest of that week and next weekend I wouldn't be well enough to go back out very long. Some people don't believe in things like ME still so maybe she could have something like this wrong but doesn't want to tell you incase you become judgemental. If she does have something like this wrong then personaly I think she is better off without friends who seem to think she is messing them around because I know how much easier life got for me when I got rid of the waste of spaces

dont it just annoy you when you try to explain things like fatigue..

Me, yes i can get very tired really quickly, and i need to rest, or i have no energy
Them, yeah i get that i'm always tired thats normal your not ill.. your just lazy.

Savvy_Sue

skint_chick wrote: »

We've booked a break away in a couple of months time and now she's making noises about not having enough spending money even though we booked a while back and she earns more than me and has less to pay for.

skint_chick wrote: »

and I want to bring OH on the break instead of her and not speak to her.

I don't think it would be right to not let her know, but something along the lines of 'Dear friend, you've stood me up for the thing tomorrow, which isn't the first time you've done that to me, and now you're making noises about not being able to afford the break we've booked, so I think it best if you don't come on that and I'll go with OH. We'll need to get that sorted now rather at the last minute, so hope that's OK with you." Either practise saying that before you ring her, or text or email if you think it's all over ... it will be then!