Am I overreacting?

Nimeth

I agree with others who have suggested that your friend hasn't got the guts to be upfront enough to tell you that she doesn't want to spend time with you. This means that you, OP, need to take the initiative and be honest with her. Obviously be polite about it as it may be that you could maintain a more casual relationship rather than best friends.

Remember nothing will change if neither of you can be honest with the other about how you're feeling!

SandC

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I think you should re-think that - being notorious for being a pain in the neck and inconsiderate wouldn't be a "lol" for me.

Agree, I find lateness incredibly rude. As a one off or occasional thing it's fine, but to be notorious for it just means you can't be bothered to make the effort to get somewhere at the time you said you would.

SandC

Although it has to be said, it's difficult if you dont want to do something - sometimes a lie is very transparent even though it's meant to soften the blow. But if you say to someone 'sorry I don't really fancy that' they get awfully, irrationally, offended!

the_cat

She doesn't do this to other friends because she knows she can't get away with it!

She regularly lets you down and often doesn't pay you for things......... and what have you done to address this? Nothing?
So she now thinks that you have the word 'mug' tattooed on your forehead and is acting accordingly

If you think it could be a friendship worth saving, then you need to tell her how you feel. Yes she may get upset/defensive and you might lose her friendship by drawing a line in the sand, espec if there are hidden reasons for her actions like others have said.
Simply put, you can't continue as you are, so will have lost little

skint_chick

I've decided to tell her I'm bringing OH on the trip because I'm concerned she's not reliable and won't have enough spending money and that she can book something when she has the money saved - not necessarily with me!

I'm also going to leave it up to her to make the next move in suggesting anything socially and then only agree to it if I've got nothing else on and it suits me - definitely no driving her about and doing what she wants. I'm going to ask her for the money on payday because she did say she would pay for the ticket and I'm going by myself and have arranged to meet up with some other people who are going so it hasn't ruined my plans, I'm just disappointed in her for messing me around.

I think I let things go for so long without standing up for myself because she had a tough year last year but she has come out of it better off financially and emotionally and I don't want to be unhappy and annoyed with her anymore. I'm gonig to focus on friends that do make the effort to show up when they say they will and don't make me feel used

lurvlyloz

if you dont want to see her then dont arrange to meet her. this will put some space between you and th etime between meeting up will become longer & longer until its hardly ever that would be the easier quiet route out of the friendship.

if you still want her to be a close friend that say " well i think its rude that you keep letting me down. whats your issue? do you not want to spend time with me?" and regarding the time away you can say "well if you cant afford it then let me know now then i can take OH and you can ave your pennies"

Any

Sometimes this site is amazing... This is obviously someone who doesn't give a damn, every sign is there, but no, of course she could be ill!!

With some miracle only where OP is involved.. She has weekend planned!!!! even though they bought tickets together????

And yes, of course it is over reacting (sarcasm) - it's perfectly all right to stand someone up a day before (be glad it's not on the day!!) and why would it be problem going completely on your own? I am quite a confident person and easily make friends, but you won't see me standing up in a pub/concert/whatever by myself... Also it is sometimes not the safest idea... (depends on the place).

OP - why do you think you are best friends? This person seems to me a user from what you posted. There must be some good points? Otherwise you wouldn't call her your best friend?

Or there is nothing but grief that you are getting from this friendship?

gratefulforhelp_2

If she is doing this because she is depressed, would you want to see her through her illness or cut your losses?

euripidesralph

Hi

I just wanted to put some of my perspective - I completely realise that I dont fully know your situation, but I had a friend that would probably paint me as similar to your friend.

The problem I had was that she expected a huge amount and put a massive amount of pressure on me. There were many times when she assumed that I was doing or attending something with her without asking. Initially I was a bit silly and just went along with it all, although DH started to get annoyed as events with her became a bit of a chore - as she was extremely intense and quite hard to spend time with. She rather self proclaimed herself my best friend - and i didnt have the heart to correct her - at the time I thought it was unneccesarily cruel - looking back I should have dealt with it.

Things got a bit ridiculous - she rang me on the morning of my wedding day to offload about her relationship ending - I spoke to her for a while as its awful to be going through that alone until my Dsis intervened. She then caught me as I was coming back down the aisle to show me that her boyfriend had come to the wedding.

DH and I happened to go through a horrendous period of time - illness, bereavement, redundancy threat, it was seriously tough - she had become pregnant and I had offered to buy her a moses basket as a baby present. I really needed a friend one day so I text her about how upset I was about things at the moment and that I was really struggling. She replied with "ok, are you still going to buy me the moses basket" (in the event I did and made her a patchwork blanket)

Anyway my point is that she made a big fuss about me having to cancel when we were going through that awful period. She was more concerned about her being cancelled on that how I was when in one circumstance DH had been rushed to hospital. And yes I cancelled once or twice for being tired - but because I had been in the hospital with family members and hadnt slept for days (and I told her that)

I ended the friendship because although she was telling all and sundry how unreliable I was - she was completely uninterested in being a real friend.

I guess I am just suggesting its worth looking into what the situation is with your friend before you write her off as unreliable - sometimes there is a backstory

Sambucus_Nigra

Stop booking to go places with her; or get her to pay and do it back to her a few times and see how she likes it?