How to believe it's really over?

Legwarmers

poet123 wrote: »

You mean of all the topics on all the threads they chose this one to comment on, and from there went on to raise doubts as to the OP's identity, as one of their very first posts? It doesn't fit the normal pattern, nor is it likely, nor is it credible given the posters previous comment about "way back".

Much more likely is that the poster is using an AE created earlier in true Blue Peter style, and held in readiness for the expected PPR, and which has now been given an airing. The thing to remember with these AE's though is that the content and tone have to fit the persona of a new poster and inevitably they don't, especially when the poster refers to other posters who were well before their time.

In my opinion of course!:D

Who said the poster was well before my time of July 2010 ?

But it's your opinion and of course you are entitled to it, but obviously a negative one when you mention an AE for the purpose of PPR.

Anyway this is about the OP and not about your opinions of me. I personally didn't realise that you had to have so many posts stacked up before you became a proper mse'r.....

Next !

Newgirl_2

NickyBat wrote: »

So this is her 6th time of doing this, how many more times are you going to let her do it you. If you love someone this is not how you treat them, and if she truly loved you she wouldn't be putting you through this.

I totally agree and couldn't put it better.

When OP said 'our relationship is 99% perfect' my first thought was 'how can it be?'. If that was true, she wouldn't treat him like this, deliberately or not.

I'm a firm believer in the adage 'you teach people how to treat you'. Demand what you are worth and you'll get it, if not from her then from someone who appreciates you.

I am not being flippant. I've had that kryptonite person that you just can't say no to. But seriously, how many times before you finally realise this isn't good for you?

I hope the OP finds the strength to take a break and set some ground rules or even decide it's time to walk away. Noone who loves someone would do this.

Newgirl

kittyggirl

As long as you let her keep treating you like this she will have no reason to knuckle down and figure out what she wants. So it has to be up to you.

Supernatural

This actually made a fantastic soundtrack whilst I was reading it

OP, you need to stop making excuses for her bad behaviour, she IS behaving badly to you and no mitigating circumstances make that ok. It's not her sister's situation, or outside interference causing this, it's her thinking she can pick you up and put you down when she feels like it!

Take up a new hobby to keep you occupied, lock your phone in a drawer and give someone else the key... just get on and live and give her the shock of her life that she's messed you around for the last time. Good luck!

babymoo

milkybar wrote: »

Things have changed slightly in that I have said I wanted space in order to work out what I want. Which means three weeks of no contact at all to me.

We've had a long talk on the phone and just talked about anything but that, we've both promised that the space is in order to make us work, not break us up and I have said any further instances of arguing with herself like last night will result in a permanent break up. She's taken this on board and will stop, she can tell from my voice how serious I am. We won't see each other at the end of the month, we've agreed that and we're basically having time out. Things will change, I'm confident of that. And we're together, I did get an apology for last night and a promise that she's not being nice now to stop hurting me and she does want to be with me.

That is all, thank you everyone for your help and responses

Yeh, good luck with that. This is heading for break up, just neither of you know how to deal with it. Tbh, you both sound like you need to grow up!

If you love someone and truly want to be with them having 30 days space and not speaking or contacting at all just isn't an option, this in itself will break you up! What it actually needs is for you to have some balls and say i'm sorry but its over. Give her a week with absolutely no contact from you no matter how much she txts/calls etc and if she eventually txts you with an apology and asking to talk then its your choice, youve had a week, make it a month or permanent and move on. Or go speak to her but for heavens sake actually talk face to face, somewhere neutral and both of you really need to stop with the emotional blackmail and the needyness or your both gonna end up very alone.

tanith

Why would you want to be with someone who puts you through this again and again? can you not see that if you get back with her yet again you are enabling her to hurt you yet again... just put an end to it , its the right thing to do for both of you.

poet123

Legwarmers wrote: »

Who said the poster was well before my time of July 2010 ?

But it's your opinion and of course you are entitled to it, but obviously a negative one when you mention an AE for the purpose of PPR.

Anyway this is about the OP and not about your opinions of me. I personally didn't realise that you had to have so many posts stacked up before you became a proper mse'r.....

Next !

"Way back" would indicate a considerable time, not last year.

Who mentioned "proper MSE'r? anyone is that when they post, but if they post something that obviously raises questions when compared with their post count then it does look odd. I have quite a lot of posts and over the years have also read a lot, but the OP's account does not ring any bells with me, or make me think they are an AE (which was implicit in your post) Perhaps you would like to tell us who you think he is?

If not, as you were!;)

clearing_out_my_pockets

Back on topic...I was in a relationship once and it went a little like this:

May 1999 - met a boy in the pub. Let's refer to him as J. Hit it off. Start dating
June 1999 - J me the day before my birthday. Got back with me the day after
July 1999 - Dumped me. Got back a week or so later
September 1999 - Dumped me.
October 1999 Got back with me, then dumped me two days later, then got back with me 24 hours later
November 1999 - He proposed while drunk. I said no.
December 1999 - Dumped me at the beginning, got back with me new year's eve
January 2000 - Dumped me a week in. Asked me out a few weeks later. I said no.
February 2000 - sent me valentines presents, asked me out. I said no.
March 2000 - asked me out for his birthday, I said yes, thinking he'd change. He dumped me a week later.
April 2000 - he asked me out. I said no.
May 2000 - He asked me out. I said no.
June 2000 - invited me to the prom. I said no. He then tried to get back with me at the prom. I don't remember this (it was the prom and I was very drunk).
July 2000 - I started seeing someone else (M). J asked me out two weeks later
July 2001 - I get engaged to M. J congratulates me, but seems subdued.
June 2003 - Meet J for a birthday drink. He says he misses me. I say tough luck.
Nov 2006 - accrimonious split with M.
Dec 2006 - christmas drinks with J.
Mar 2007 - birthday drinks with J & his friends.
Apr 2007 - I ask J out. He says no. 48 hours later he realised he'd made a mistake and asked me out. I (cautiously) said yes.
Jul 2008 - J proposed
Dec 2009 - Bought our first house
May 2011 - J & I got married.

The point (there is a point!) is that the first time round he was far too immature and I really REALLY got hurt. He tried every excuse in the book - family problems, not ready to settle down, etc when all it boiled down to was he was too stupid and selfish to think of anyone but himself. Even he admits this now.

When we got together this time around, it took my friends MONTHS to like him. They had to pick up the pieces last time around and they were just waiting for him to hurt me. To an extent, so was I. But DH (J) has learnt from his mistakes.

OP - it's quite possible that your girlfriend / ex does love / care for you. But for your sake and hers, she really needs to grow up. A lot.

make_me_wise

Blimey 'comp' your post has put a total to my face. I thought my love life had been traumatic till I read all that :beer:

clearing_out_my_pockets

make_me_wise wrote: »

Blimey 'comp' your post has put a total to my face. I thought my love life had been traumatic till I read all that :beer:

Thanks (I think!) It's certainly a chequered history!

In our defense, we were 16 when we started dating. The funny thing was even back then, he was telling all my family (and his) that he loved me and would marry me one day. Not once did he say it to me!