Depression

mclaren_2

Tiff wrote: »

And you know you'll have to talk about your mood too mac. If you're already getting alarm bells ringing about your mental health, please go see the dr asap. Don't wait until it reaches crisis point.;) Nobody wants to go back to that bottom step angel, but try and think of it as a different step. Try not to focus too much on how you were or it can reinforce and maybe pre-empt how you feel now.

The bad part of it all - is i hate to moan. the past week, i have put a mask on. Lied to myself, saying its okay, and i am okay - telling every1 i am perfect, and better, and feeling great - when inside ive been an absolut wreck.
Denial is an amazing thing mac! You're not moaning angel - you're poorly! how long would you leave a bleeding cut before you got it treated hun? Although it's good sometimes to have that old Dunkirk spirit, there comes a time (NOW!;) ), when you need to get extra support hun.

hi Tiff again lol

If im not moaning then what am i doing? i seem to go back and forward re my mood.

I will go to the GP tomorow, ive decided that.

Denial is good, cos it DOES make you feel better - but then it makes you feel 10x worse when you tell yourself the truth.....

gillette147

Hi folkes,

Been cut off the net since monday lunch as I have swapped ISP. My modem was locked to BT (b*stards) but a bodge off the techie board has worked - I'm very surprised and happy.

I've read back but I have alot of other i.net stuff to catch up on.
I will post in more detail later.
Meanwhile....


Love and hugs to all of you.
xxx

EthelBloggs

hiya everyone

Hope you're all fine.. I'm just out of bed for a little bit while i can stay awake

Sorry your birtday was crap mclaeren.. and i'm really sorry bout your cousin too *big huggs*

hugs to everyone xxxxxx

Let_Robinson_Sing

Hey folks hope things are ok with you!!

My condolonces to Mclaren, my OH suffers with Cystic Fybrosis and when i hear about someone passing away from CF, i get very sad even if i dont know them

Sugar_Coated_Owl

:hello:

Karrie, Any luck with the counselling.

flis, Did the money appear on the debit card?

I'm sorry that the physio didn't go as well as expected. Perhaps you need to take things a little easier.

Rosie, Call your counsellor hun. It sounds like you could really do with the support atm.

How is your foot?

Ethel, You poor thing. I hope you start to feel better soon. (((HUGS)))

mclaren, I know how to text lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You kept that one quiet!

I am so sorry to hear about your cousin (((HUGS))) We're all here for you.

You aren't being selfish at all hun.

I hope that your Doctor's appointment goes well tomorrow.

Tiff, I wish I had sent such a good reply as you suggested. He wasn't drunk at all, it was in the morning that he sent me the message. I'm definately through with him. There is no going back now.

How are you doing? Still going to the gym?

Gillette, Good to see you post. How are things with you?

Tomorrow is going to be hard. It would have been my Nan's birthday (she died last Oct.) Even typing about it starts me off crying. I wanted to buy some flowers and take them to the crematorium. No-one else has even menioned it. It's quite upsetting.

I have an appointment with my social worker tomorrow morning. I'm going to tell her that I don't want to keep attending the appointments. I don't see any point in them. It's a waste of both mine and her time. Basically I just want to be left alone. No-one seems to understand. I told the A&E Doctor just to leave me and that I didn't want treatment. Why did he not listen! Surely everyone has the right to refuse treatment. In his eyes he made me 'better' he prevented me dying from liver failure but why did he even bother :mad:

I have been trying so hard recently. I've been trying to think positively about life generally but this week has just been a battle with my mind. All day I'm surrounded by medicines. One part of me is screaming do it over and over and another is saying no :mad: How !!!!!! up is it that in my job I tell people no more than 8 a day blah blah blah and yet I don't even listen to myself!

mclaren_2

razorbladekisses wrote: »

mclaren, I know how to text lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You kept that one quiet!

I am so sorry to hear about your cousin (((HUGS))) We're all here for you.

You aren't being selfish at all hun.

I hope that your Doctor's appointment goes well tomorrow.

Tomorrow is going to be hard. It would have been my Nan's birthday (she died last Oct.) Even typing about it starts me off crying. I wanted to buy some flowers and take them to the crematorium. No-one else has even menioned it. It's quite upsetting.

I have an appointment with my social worker tomorrow morning. I'm going to tell her that I don't want to keep attending the appointments. I don't see any point in them. It's a waste of both mine and her time. Basically I just want to be left alone. No-one seems to understand. I told the A&E Doctor just to leave me and that I didn't want treatment. Why did he not listen! Surely everyone has the right to refuse treatment. In his eyes he made me 'better' he prevented me dying from liver failure but why did he even bother :mad:

I have been trying so hard recently. I've been trying to think positively about life generally but this week has just been a battle with my mind. All day I'm surrounded by medicines. One part of me is screaming do it over and over and another is saying no :mad: How !!!!!! up is it that in my job I tell people no more than 8 a day blah blah blah and yet I don't even listen to myself!

Thanks hun x (im not a big birthday person anyway)

I think taking flowers up to the cemetrory will be a very nice idea, it will also give you time on your own to greve, which i think you need to do

The doctor helpedyou from not dying from liver failure deserves a medal! I dont know what i personally would do without miss RBK about!

You might have alot of medication, but at the end of the day - its worth taking them if you're going to feel better!

As for not listening to yourself - i do that too, i dont listen to myeslf. We're exactly alike! We're both good at giving OUT information, but we're bad at acting opon it ourselfs. We need to stop this, and act on it.

Lets make a deal - i'll go to the GP tomorow, and you have to keep taking your tabs, and keep that chin up! Deal? x

Tiff_2

Hi rbk!:hello:
I hope you're feeling a little better today hun.

quote=razorbladekisses
Tomorrow is going to be hard. It would have been my Nan's birthday (she died last Oct.) Even typing about it starts me off crying. I wanted to buy some flowers and take them to the crematorium. No-one else has even menioned it. It's quite upsetting.
I'll be thinking of you today rbk. It's only been over a year since I lost my Dad so I know how you feel hun. You're still grieving angel and I think it would be good to look at making your own plans to visit her. Try not to get upset about things that other people do or don't do, hun. People grieve in their own way. They may not be able to face talking about her birthday yet and some people hold onto different anniversaries. Her child/ren will be thinking of her rbk.

I have an appointment with my social worker tomorrow morning. I'm going to tell her that I don't want to keep attending the appointments. I don't see any point in them. It's a waste of both mine and her time.
If you were wasting her time angel, then you wouldn't see her for dust because social services are so over-stretched! There must be a point to them hun, but you're feeling extra-low today, so I wouldn't make any decisions today. Just take it hour by hour hun.

Basically I just want to be left alone. No-one seems to understand. I told the A&E Doctor just to leave me and that I didn't want treatment. Why did he not listen! Surely everyone has the right to refuse treatment. In his eyes he made me 'better' he prevented me dying from liver failure but why did he even bother :mad:
You mean, Thank God he didn't listen!
This is exactly the reason that you shouldn't be left alone!
Don't cut off any of your support network hun - you need it. This is how your illness makes you feel rbk and people can help if you let them in. Try and recognize that this is the illness speaking and that right now you are bound to feel low and vulnerable.

You say ''no-one seems to understand'' angel, but that's not a good enough reason to give this life away. Make them understand hun. Be completely open with them.
Sometimes it's so hard to imagine that you'll ever be well but you have to try rbk - and keep trying.
Maybe they do understand sweetheart. Sometimes we can't take things in properly that we're told because we're already partly convinced that we can't be helped.
No matter how long it takes, at some point something will click within you, and things will start to feel easier hun. Changing can be scary to start with, but so worth the effort. You have a place in this world angel, even if it all seems upside down right now. Please be brave enough to tell your team how you feel hun.

I have been trying so hard recently. I've been trying to think positively about life generally but this week has just been a battle with my mind. All day I'm surrounded by medicines. One part of me is screaming do it over and over and another is saying no :mad: How !!!!!! up is it that in my job I tell people no more than 8 a day blah blah blah and yet I don't even listen to myself!/quote
You have been making great progress hun.:T Your efforts have not gone unnoticed rbk. Who's going to help your family with their grief if they lose you? Who will visit your nan with flowers? What about the person who finds you angel - what will it do to them? You give a lot of help and support here angel - who's going to fill your spot if you succeed hun?

Don't listen to yourself hun when you feel like this. You're poorly and you're grieving and you need to just take care of the basics right now hun. Everything seems so black and huge to you right now but it really isn't that way. Spend some time today remembering your nan and have a good cry rbk. That's competely natural. Please talk to your social worker or dr angel - you need more support, not less.

But please be gentle with your own soul hun and don't give up fighting! You've got more to gain than to lose. I'm thinking of you angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi patch!:hello:
How are you today? Good to hear from you hun - thanks for brining us up-to-date. It takes a lot to show your vulnerable side, anonymously or not.;)

quote=patchwork cat
Hi
I have been on prozac 2 a day for 9 years and am reducing it. Most of the time I feel mush better than I did 10 years ago, but sometimes I do feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I have tried counselling and that didn't help, rather made me much worse.
Is your gp helping you to cut down angel? It's never a good idea to do it without a drs supervision. I'm really glad that overall, you have benefitted from them.:T I think we can all understand that feeling patch.
There are good and bad counsellors, as in any kind of work. Were you seeing a counsellor for a long time? Have you seen a psychologist?

How I have reacted to depression is a lack of motivation and slowly pushing peole away. The catalyst to my depression was losing over 75% of my family in 5 years. I only have my brother left that is not from family that I have created/ married (if you know what I mean) .
Two symptoms most of us will be familiar with angel.;) You have an insight into what triggered your depression it seems hun. I'm sorry you've lost so many people so soon angel.

I had a carp childhood as my parents divorced when I was 7 after my mum was a battered wife and I was sent to boarding school - some people will say oh boarding school - you are lucky, but it isn't midnight feasts and jolly hockey sticks( or lacrosse in my case) - I was effectively put in care. Being punished for my families break up- in the eyes of a 7 year old.
Many of us can relate to having childhood issues hun. You must have felt abandoned when you went to boarding school angel. You must know sweetheart that a 7 year old could not be responsible for breaking up the family. I know you know this now but it must have felt terrible as a 7 year old. You went through an awful lot patch - and guess what? You are entitled to feel sorry for yourself!;)

I do have some excellent things - my husband is a wonderful, patient man, but he is human and not a saint and doesn't talk as much as would be helpful. I have 2 kids who are healthy and bright - they are kids though!! I think a principal cause of my continuing depression is a lack of a support network. It isn't as bad as it was when the kids where little though. I do hope no one recognises me as 1 benefit of this forum is anonymity.
Thanks for listening - patch/quote
I agree with you hun. I'm glad you've got an understanding DH angel and of course, your children aren't going to be able to help counsel you or help you to come to terms with what happened.
From the beginnng of your post patch, you seem to be identifying that you need someone to talk to, whether to off-load or to get feed back from or just to know that other people have been there too.
There are a variety of counselling groups (some all female, some male, some mixed) that you can be referred to by your dr hun. Maybe you might consider seeing another therapist?
There are also groups in the local community, like Guidepost, Rethink and Mind that have social activities as well as giving support and sharing. You could google and see what you find. Also Relate can talk to you about your relationship on a one-to-one basis.

It depends on the kind of person you are angel, as to what will suit you, but I felt you need to talk. However you may feel about yourself patch, you are a survivor.:T Despite everything, you have raised your children and you have a good marriage from what you say and you've coped for 10 years. That's a great achievement hun after all you went through. :T I know that the pain is still there, but don't let it diminish what you've achieved hun.;)

Sometimes counselling can take a long time before you're able to face painful things full on hun. If it still bothers you, maybe you should talk to your dr and see about a different counsellor? Or they may be able to suggest other options? Again, here you have nothing to lose.

I don't know your alter-ego angel. I don't think any of us care more about who you are, rather than how we might help - even if it's just listening.;) You know too, that your gp will have ideas that may help - at least you'll know what's on offer hun.
You know you can post anytime and the guys here are amazing and there's usually someone passing through every hour or so. Hope this helped a little angel. Take care patch.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi flis!:hello:
Sorry to hear about your ankle hun. I know how frustrated you must be.:o Just don't overdo it hun ok? You're doing really well and this is just a little setback angel. Congratulations on getting back to the job you love - and on your diet success hun.:T :A

quote=flis21I know what you mean Patch, I love the anonimity of this forum. It is the one place I can truly say what I feel without worrying about other people's feelings / what they will think of me.
Well said flis.;)


Also maybe give counselling another go. The first time I had it it didn't help at all, I didn't really get on with her very well. But the second time it really did help and I worked through a lot of my problems. I am just annoyed that I only got funding for 8 sessions, as I would have loved more, think it would have really helped me, but I can't afford to pay for it privately.
I've noticed that some people were questioning about the cost of counselling.
Guys, the NHS provides counselling for free. As far as I know, it has nothing to do with your income. I certainly wasn't asked about my income unless it was to see if I qualified for more help. Maybe the dr means go private if you can afford it. You have the right to ask to be referred to an NHS counsellor.

Generally, you might first see a counsellor for a set number of weeks. These counsellors are usually attached to your gp's surgery and end after a few weeks.
If you feel that you need more help/input/time, please talk to your dr., tell them how you feel and discuss what options there are.

If this hasn't helped, your gp can refer you to the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) for an assessment of your needs. They will be able to plan what help you may need and you are not time limited for all/most things and it is still free. As with everything else, there may be a waiting list and how much you need a service determines your place on the waiting list. This is another reason why, no matter how hard it is, you must be completely honest with your medical professionals.

In addition, they may also include a referral to a psychologist or a psychiatrist or both. This is all free. It is not based on anything but need. Some people who can afford it, tend to go private if they can if they've been told they'll be on the waiting list a long time. But, as with any other medical condition, there is free professional help available. You may have to wait for it but if your issues worsen, ask for a reassessment. It is really important to keep communicating with your dr about how you are.;)
Hope this helped guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

flis21

mclaren wrote: »

Hi Tiff

I have always worried about what other people think of me. Ever since i was bullied at school (when i was 9) i have always been this way. I even have it when i am out in the street, and i hear people laughing or talking, i think its about me!

Ran out of the place cos it was crouded (i hate crouds - but i AM okay at a football match...... wierd) but there were too many people talking, i just panicked.......

Mclaren, I do exactly the same thing. I am convinced even people I don't know on the street are talking about me or laughing at me. I have practically zero self esteem. Although I actually feel better in crowds as if there are more people I think I will be noticed less.

It's annoying as my self-esteem was one thing I was working with my counsellor on, but we didn't have enough time before the funding ran out. Have always had self-esteem problems, even years before my depression hit. Guess it is just the way I am.