Depression

EthelBloggs

Winky,_The_House_Elf wrote: »

Where do I start. I've had depression before, and managed to beat it. I also suffer from SAD, which once it was diagnosed made it easier to cope with, as I accept that I have good days and bad, and can use things like a light-box etc which make all the difference.

I've just had the year from hell.

This time last year I was engaged to be married , pregnant(which was planned) and doing a job I really enjoyed.

Then I lost the baby, which broke my heart. In April my Uncle who was also my Godfather died aged 54 from a heart attack. I was also made redundant in April, but started in another job half-way through May.

If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have had any luck!

We were due to get married in November, a big white wedding in the lake district, which is how I came accross MSE.

In October, on Birthday my fiance decided that he couldn't go on. He felt suicidal at the thought of marrying me, and left me after 4 and half years.

I'm now on my own, stuck 50 miles away from my family and friends.

Last week they announced that they are closing our office and 640 of us are being made redundant.


Everyone says that I am a trooper and if they had gone through half of it they wouldn't have been able to cope. I am positive and up beat to the point of being hyperactive in work.

I am sitting here in tears. I am not coping. I havent cleaned the house in days. The dog **** in the kitchen and I am howling in tears. I haven't dressed or washed.

I can beat it again, but I can feel all the warning signs of a break point coming and I don't know what to do.

I'm torn because part of me wants to stop and let my self wallow and be self indulgent, pull the duvet over my head and never get up again. The other part is S41t scared that if I do I will never get up again. I guess I haven't really dealt with all the issues that have happened over the last 12 months, just bottled then all up.

Thanks for letting me rant, I guess as someone said earlier its a cry for help. I would appreciate any suggestions about what worked for you.

First of all Winky... **huge huggs** With everything you've been thru it's not surprising that you feel at breaking point now.

First thing on Monday morning make an appointment with your gp and get some AD's and hopefully he'll arrange some kind of talking therapy too.

If you feel like you can't wait til then.. you can call the Samaritans and they'll listen and possibly be able to suggest something more immediate. Meanwhile, We're here and we'll listen and try to help as best we can.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Twinny99

Tiff wrote: »

Tiff - Tiff - Tiff - Tiff - Tiff - Tiff - Tiff!

Hi hunnie - I'm home!:j








Bloomin heck Tiff...where did you get that one from :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:



Hi all :hello:

Love to you all, am catching up on messages but wanted to say hi and keep hanging on in there

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Ethel It would be nice if your Mother did come to see your daughter with you. Does your daughter get on well with her Grandma?

Winky, The House Elf (((HUGS))) Love your username btw It sounds like you've had a really !!!! time. So many things have happened that have caused you to become depressed. I agree with Ethel, if you haven't done so already you need to go and see your Doctor. Maybe some form of counselling may help or anti-depressants. It seems like you've got a lot of issues that you need to talk over. Have you tried writing everything down in a diary/blog, sometimes people find that helps.

xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
How's everyone doing? Stupid question really as I just did 45 minutes speed reading!:rolleyes:
Some of you are having a really tough time and you may need reminding that you're not alone and that you're strong enough to get through the low points - you've done it before.;) And I know that doesn't make it any easier but please don't ever sit there being alone or really low - we're like family here and we have seen each other go down and come back up again.
That's what's amazing about this thread. We sit in our respective corners of the country with our own world of problems and yet you are all brave enough to bare your soul and to be there for others who are hurting.:T :A
I really feel for those hurting right now.
to cat, alleycat, vq and any new family I've missed. It's really great to have some more cats in the neighbourhood!:D As you'll know by now, the guys here are fantastic and I hope you'll all stay around.
Missed you guys - and it wasn't even a week!:rolleyes:
Huge fluffy Tiffy hugs.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Twinny99 wrote: »

Tiff wrote: »

Tiff - Tiff - Tiff - Tiff - Tiff - Tiff - Tiff!

Hi hunnie - I'm home!:j








Bloomin heck Tiff...where did you get that one from :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:



Hi all :hello:

Love to you all, am catching up on messages but wanted to say hi and keep hanging on in there

Hi twinny!:hello:
lol:rotfl:You remember when we were posting photos last week? Well hun, that was the air-brushed version of me. This is the real Tiffster!:eek: Take care angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Winky,_The_House_Elf wrote: »

Where do I start. I've had depression before, and managed to beat it.....
Thanks for letting me rant, I guess as someone said earlier its a cry for help. I would appreciate any suggestions about what worked for you.

"TIFFY MEGA-POST WARNING!"
Hi wthe hunnie!
Sweetheart, you have done amazingly well to post so eloquently. Come and rant any time hun. You said yourself you have had the year from hell. The bright happy face is the short term coping mechanism which can be good, but it has to be followed up by dealing with each issue.

I'm not preaching sweetheart and I can relate to a lot of what you've been through. You've had depression before and it's really good that you recognize that the gremlin is trying to sneak back in.:T But we're going to try and stop that by seeing your gp asap hun. You know that's the only route to take angel. You got on your feet before and you will again hun. Listen to the warning signs that your body is giving you. Please see someone as soon as you can angel - don't delay your recovery.

I saw my psych. consultant and my CPN yesterday and it was a very deep and profound meeting. Bear with me hun.;) :rolleyes:

This makes me so ashamed to admit it, but I stupidly lent someone who owns a taxi company I use, £500 including all of my disability money, at Christmas because they needed it, things were a bit hard for him and his wife and I wanted to help them. I'd said I'd need the money back by the end of January. I thought I knew them, used them for a few months as I can't use public transport. They were really nice to me, we always laughed and they knew all about my ill health, traumas, disability etc. I even used to buy the woman flowers once in a while to say thank you.

I'd been mentioning the money for the last couple of weeks, not wanting to be pushy. I tried to get a taxi last Monday and all the calls went through to their answerphone. Ol' Tiff played Sherlock and found out on Wednesday that they'd both filed bankruptcy in the last 2 years, the man having done it just 2 weeks before he took my money , had had 3 addresses in two years and so on. I won't get my money back - and that's my own stupid fault. £500 to me is like £10,000 to someone else.

Like you hun, I've had multiple tragedies throughout my life. This probably seems a small thing but when I added it to all the other things I've been through, I felt like it broke me. I cried every day last week. I just don't get how someone could be that cruel to someone in my situation or how I'd got it so wrong yet again. And it starts you thinking about all the other traumas you've been through. I told psych dr the facts and how I was feeling. God, both my CPN and psych dr are really brilliant!:T

He told me that I had been through a lot of severe traumas. He said that the depression makes you see them all at once and that brings you down even further. He said it's not easy and it's a long while before you'll feel the benefits, but try looking at each event separately. By doing this, it will help to deal with these traumas one by one, instead of by all - or - nothing thinking.

He told me so much, it'll take ages to remember and sink in. But he also said that by doing this, it will show you that your traumas are not a continuous string (though they do feel like it!;) ) - they all happened at different times, are different things, so you deal with them one at a time.

He said that next time anyone asks you for something or expects something from you, ask yourself "What's in it for me?" Now I thought that was selfish - couldn't feel comfortable with that thought and he said 'No, that's looking after yourself. It's not your job to look after everyone. You can change the whole way you think about yourself - but it'll take a very long time. Step by step (who said that?:D :rolleyes:) is the only way to do it.'

And I can vaguely see what he's saying. You have to learn to care about yourself, love and respect yourself. We all hear about how you've got to love yourself, but we're not told that it's something you can learn - people make it sound like it's something already built in. And it can be done. We deserve to be as happy as the people around us - but we have to allow ourselves to be happy by facing up to our demons and getting rid of them one by one. I'm now asking myself, "What is stopping me? Answer? I'm stopping me."

(anyone still awake?! )

And it's quite understandable for people who've been badly traumatized to feel that you can't get over the pain because everything hurts too much. I know that all too well.

If I went out into the street, or to a store, or went to do something a 'normal' person does, no-one knows me except me! I could actually allow myself to have fun or be happy. It's going to be a monster of a hill to climb but just think about what i could gain at the end of it? For the first time in my life, I could eventually be in control of how I'm feeling about myself.

I've spent a good £200 odd pounds in Asda etc on clothes in the last 6 months and they're all hanging in the wardrobe, tags still on, because i don't think enough of myself to get dressed up, think it doesn't matter what I wear I'm still huge and ugly, no make up etc, even if I'm just at home alone.

So when i do finally look in the mirror every solstice,:o all I do see is a big woman, pale, washed out, tired, sad, very self conscious and worthless, because that's what the mirror is showing me. It's what I am. It's what I believe. If I get up every day and do the opposite, look after myself, the mirror can't show me that any more and over a long time, it will start to feel good. That's the gist of what he was saying I think.

That's not to say I won't fall apart at times, or take away the pain of the things I've been through in reality. You have to respect those feelings. It's not about getting rid of all these feelings/problems, you can't imho, it's about recovering and living as best you can I think.
Angel, I think you're very brave :T and that there's hope and help for you.

I'm so sorry to you and to the guys for posting all this. I'm still trying to understand it myself, so I don't know if I've made any sense or been of any help whatsoever.:o
Go see your dr sweetheart - don't struggle on your own anymore. Thinking of you.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Well guys - I did warn you it was going to be business as usualthis weekend now that the writing is out of the way.:D
Sorry for the long post.:o

Tiffy's exhausted but before I go to my bed...

Sazzery? Wherefore art thou Sazzery?!" Miss you.

Ethel - Hang in there hun. We can get through this sweetheart. It's just everything catching up with you - remember the fall out I said may come? You're exhausted angel. I'll post properly tomorrow hun.:rolleyes: Take care.

rbk - I hope you're not gonna make me come over there and sort you out!:rolleyes: I hope you're feeling better sweetie - you're doing a great job of talking on here.:T

elona - good to hear from you angel. I feel like I went through the washing machine!:rotfl:

To l-t-d, blinky, pp, gem, flis, beer, cc, alleycat, cat, stenny, gilly, cm, l-r-s, bunnie, rose, qb, miro, twinny, vq, goldy and the rest of our family, please be kind to yourselves and I hope to do some more catching up with you all tomorrow - ummm, today!:rolleyes: Night, God bless.;)
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Good morning my little fruit flies!:hello:
Typical - last one to bed and first one up!:rolleyes:

HAPPY MOTHERING SUNDAY!

:A :T :A

I hope everyone made it through the night safe and sound. I've got 40mph winds whipping around outside.:eek:
Hoping everyone has a good day.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

EthelBloggs

Hiya tiffy...

It's good to have you and your wisdom back again, you're so good at putting things in perspective

I'm sorry you lost your money.. it's happened to me a fair few times as well and I've learnt now.. I can't afford it. I dunno if ppl can see that we're soft and kind and take advantage or if they can see our vulnerability because of our illnesses and take advantage of that.. both are equally heinous and slightly sinister methinks.

Sounds like you've got a great psychiciatrist tiffy.. very interesting way of looking at things and it seems very logical too, which from what ive seen is rare among mental health professionals :eek:

I do remember what you said about the fallout, I guess I just wasn't prepared for it to be so awful. The woman I had been seeing for counselling wants to refer me on to adult services... not sure what that means really and also it turns out that she's a consultant psychotherapist, not quite sure what that means apart from that she's not a doctor, lol. However, because my daughter's consultant is now on leave for 4 weeks, she's going to fill in the DLA stuff when it comes, so that there isn't a delay in the application.

Big meeting tomorrow again with all the professionals to discuss daughters care plan for the next 6 months or so.. I must admit I'm a bit nervous about it all.

Take care n big huggs xxxxxxx

Tiff_2

CCStar wrote: »

I had right fright and this will make you all laugh

It was dark and it is dark in the back garden.

I goto the back door and as I rattle the key, I heard a loud yowl like a cat having a fight type yowl - I jumped 10 feet and screamed, as it was pitch black.

I don't know if there were cats fighting or if I scared a cat, my light was on so they would have seen me.

I'm laughing my butt off now but it made me jump:D

Another laugh for you's
I feel everyone else get flowers or chocs in a nice box

I said to my OH, I feel like I get a 'turd in a box' - so he goes off to google and lo and behold you can get them:D

We spent 15 minutes crying with laughter at that!!

Hi cc!:hello:
:rotfl: - thanks for the above cc. :rotfl:
Gosh, you're still suffering aren't you hun?
About the house sale cc, I guess nobody wants to move in these cold March winds. Imho, get Easter out of the way and there may be more viewings with the Spring coming.
As for the neighbours hun, don't worry about them. I say this because, the people who buy your house may have young children of their own and not mind the noise etc. Maybe they'll be the same way as the neighbours.
Imho again, there's noise and kerfuffle in every part of every town and city.

Try and relax hun and go with the flow, as it were. If you give yourself heart failure over every viewing or non-viewing, you'll be in a right Tiffy state!:rolleyes: Time is still new with the house sale.;)

It's hard to do, but I think we have to remember that people generally can't live up to our highest expectations - nothing is ever going to be pristine perfect and we're only human. So if we keep getting wound up, rightly or wrongly, all the time, then we're going to be very unhappy people. I hope you're feeling better hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx