Difficult Situation

Mojisola

picnmix wrote: »

I haven't been in a gents toilet for a few years but didn't imagine there was much more happening in there than in the ladies:rotfl:

The difference is that in the ladies, everyone goes into a cubicle to do their stuff, in the mens' toilet, weeing is a shared, public activity. The amount of discretion depends on the individuals there at the time.

It's not only the effect on little girls to consider. A lot of men would be very uncomfortable at having a little girl there while they're urinating.

I've always thought it must be very difficult for men taking their daughters out and about.

picnmix

Mojisola wrote: »

The difference is that in the ladies, everyone goes into a cubicle to do their stuff, in the mens' toilet, weeing is a shared, public activity. The amount of discretion depends on the individuals there at the time.

It's not only the effect on little girls to consider. A lot of men would be very uncomfortable at having a little girl there while they're urinating.

I've always thought it must be very difficult for men taking their daughters out and about.

I wouldn't expect my hubby to let my DDs hang around the urinals.;) I would imagine he goes in (to a cubicle) and they go to the loo. I still don't see why it should be a problem, I know my DDs don't have a problem with it, people need to go to the loo and there is no mystery around it with them. I just asked hubby about it he says that he has never given it a second thought and where else would he take them.

dibuzz

My eldest 2 went into the ladies with me until they were about 5 and 7 then they went into the gents but I made sure they always went together even if only one needed to go.
Youngest son was about 4 when I started to let him use the gents with his brothers. If they weren't with me he had to use the ladies with me but the first time he went with them they came out laughing because he couldn't reach the urinals and they'd had to lift him up. Of course neither of them thought about telling him to use the proper toilet

gratefulforhelp_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Yet last time I came out of the disabled toilet with them both, I got a nasty look and "you've been long enough, nice disability!" from a young guy in a wheelchair.

Oops

Some places have baby changing in the disabled loo.

Zoetoes

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Too open? Mens toilets do have cubicles you know. See below.

I can't believe you would want an 8 year old boy to use the ladies loos! Poor thing, no wonder so many boys can't use the bowls on the wall to pee into, (see above) cos they're too embarrassed you see.

I wouldn't even dream of getting my 8 year old daughter to come into the mens with me, but of course that's different I suppose, because it's a girl going into the degenerate sex's toilet.

No offence but the ladies are a bit cleaner too!

My son is 10 so does use the men's toilets but I am right outside and can hear and if he's a couple of minutes I will ask if he's nearly ready, and if he doesn't reply I go rushing in all guns blazing!

Lotus-eater

Zoetoes wrote: »

No offence but the ladies are a bit cleaner too!

My son is 10 so does use the men's toilets but I am right outside and can hear and if he's a couple of minutes I will ask if he's nearly ready, and if he doesn't reply I go rushing in all guns blazing!

No offence taken, they often are.

No offence, but I think it's time you give your son a bit of a longer lead. Going rushing in to a public toilet just because he has been in there (in your opinion) slightly too long and keeping track of him by talking to him, is over Mothering. Or more often known as Smothering.

JodyBPM

I've been mulling this one over for a bit, and I'm inclined to think that the OP is possibly overreacting.

I have a 5 & 6 year old, and they are getting to the age where I am gradually learning to have them out of my eyesight for short periods of time, and learning to trust them a little. Of course in a very measured and monitored way. I have to say that a motorway service station wouldn't be my first choice of places to leave them unattended for even a minute, but if I could see them right up until the point that I walked into the toilet, and I could see them walking back from the toilet, so they were literally out of my sight for 30 seconds whilst I grabbed the phone, then I might do this. However, motorway service stations are quite large, and if it was a case of them being out of eyesight for 5-10 minutes, then I certainly wouldn't do it. I wouldn't have asked a stranger to watch them, though, as that is almost advertising that they are being left alone! But on balance, we are talking about a 6 yr old and an 8 year old, which I hope would be sensible enough to take your eyes off momentarily etc.

I let my 5 year old son use the mens toilets alone now, but I will be standing outside the mens bathroom door talking to him whilst he goes, and would be in there like a shot if he took more time than I expected, or didn't answer back to me when I spoke to him. (My first question to him is normally - is anyone else in there?) My 6 year old DD I will let walk to the toilet and back on her own in some places, as long as I can see the door to the loos from where I am sitting. I also let them play in the garden alone now, just checking on them every 10 mins or so etc. So gradually I am learning to loosen the apron strings, and they are learning to be a bit more responsible for themselves, which has to be a good thing - its part of growing up.

I think the overreaction is about you feeling that you cannot let your DS out with your MIL again. If you are uncomfortable about the possibility of your DS being left alone for even a second, can you not tell HIM that he must stay with Gran wherever she goes, and trust HIM to do that? At 6 he should be able to follow that simple instruction. Just equip him with the phrase "Mummy says I must come with you, Grandma, and not be left on my own"

But all in all, I don't think that leaving a 6 yr old and an 8 yr old momentarily out of your eyesight is the crime of the century, although again, I re-iterate that a motorway service station would not be my choice of places to do so, and it does depend on the amount of time involved.

red_devil

either accept her way of doing things or dont leave them with her.

At the end of the day you will fall out if you have to keep mentioning things to her.

Even if you get this one sorted then there will be something else.

The best people to look after your kids is is you its a true saying.

shelley_crow

Strapped wrote: »

Time that you taught your son some age-appropriate "stranger danger" drills perhaps?

This is already in motion, see post #30 and #32 but thanks for the suggestion anyway.

Thanks for everyone's replies, I will be speaking to MIL whenever I see her next. After speaking to my sister in law, it seem that this is something that MIL used to do with her own kids quite often, so the posters who suggested that it might be a generation issue have hit the nail on the head.

Zoetoes

Lotus-eater wrote: »

No offence taken, they often are.

No offence, but I think it's time you give your son a bit of a longer lead. Going rushing in to a public toilet just because he has been in there (in your opinion) slightly too long and keeping track of him by talking to him, is over Mothering. Or more often known as Smothering.

I was joking. But I do listen out for him yes.