DreamerHelen's New Diary - "Ad Astra per Aspera"

DreamerHelen

Thank You so much Kiss Me Now....I really appreciate people popping in here...and I'm sorry that you're not doing your Essay....

I know that I will get there....but right now it just feels totally impossible....and unbearable....but you're right, I HAVE survived so much in my Life....this is just one more thing to survive...

kiss_me_now9

It's a literature review, can you blame me I've been putting it off for weeks, and now I'm putting off going outside and interacting with humans as well as the lit. review, so I need to get my !!!! in gear and go do something

One thing I've learnt from my life (it's not been an easy one) is that it's ok to take days by the second, by the minute or by the hour, just concentrating on one thing and making sure that's done.

(N.B. Have you been to ZSL Whipsnade? Not as good as London, but I can see the lion pen from my bedroom at home )

DreamerHelen

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

It's a literature review, can you blame me I've been putting it off for weeks, and now I'm putting off going outside and interacting with humans as well as the lit. review, so I need to get my !!!! in gear and go do something

One thing I've learnt from my life (it's not been an easy one) is that it's ok to take days by the second, by the minute or by the hour, just concentrating on one thing and making sure that's done.

(N.B. Have you been to ZSL Whipsnade? Not as good as London, but I can see the lion pen from my bedroom at home )

Now listen to me....Get Your Essay DONE!!! LoL Mind you....I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world....I'm always dodging my Essay Writing....I usually have to do 2 a year and I HATE doing them...In fact, I get the Results from one of them tomorrow Evening so wish me luck that I've passed!!

Aww you're sooooo lucky being able to see the Lion Pen....I went to Whipsnade when I was a kid...but I don't remember it that well. I can't really get there though as I don't have a Car and it's miles from any Railway Stations....

I spoke to a Friend today (the on/off Guy) and we're still good Friends so he's promised he'll take me to Colchester Zoo in the New Year...so that's something to look forward to...

Not sure how it will be being "just friends" with him....We've never really been platonic friends....but we DO want to remain Friends and so I guess we will....Its just scary that sooner or later I'm going to have to trust some other Guy to be close to me....and I don't know how I'm going to do that....at least with Matt I have trusted him for a long time and I know he would never hurt me....

But anyway....I guess that's a long way down the Line...I don't want a relationship right now...I feel like I'm too screwed up to benefit from one or to be able to give anything to someone else...if that makes sense...

I guess I really AM rambling now....Just feel like pouring my thoughts out today I guess...

welshdreamer71

So this is where everyone hangs out when avoiding real life things hmm il remember that when im claiming back my bedroom from the chinese laundry its become whilst redecorating last 5 weeks or so!!

Hope the rambling has helped a little today, plutonic after a relationship can sometimes take its toll on your heartstrings tread carefully lovely, tis so easy to sit and wonder months away, Im the queen of time wasting and dreaming alike... Im sitting here doing everything to avoid a quick half hour cleaning before hubby comes home from work lol

Hope works plodding nicely for you tonight, and your feeling a little lighter in mood tomorrow x 21 days til santa comes lol x

DreamerHelen

Thank You Welshdreamer....You're so sweet to drop in on me...

I think I am through the worst of it....I managed to get some sleep so that wasn't too bad...And now I'm up Working...

I just have to try and stay Positive although it's really hard at the moment....I just have to remember to focus on ME for a change rather than everyone else around me...

Thank You everyone for your Support....

maz1964

hiya and to all on the thread too

just popped on to hope that sunshine is shining in your areas of the world in more ways than one..

keep postive and just take each minute to move on to the next the light is there but it may seem miles away but every minute get s us all closer

take care big hug

Ciao MAZ

DreamerHelen

Morning Maz...Thanks for popping in and for your encouragement...It's always appreciated....

I don't know how I'm feeling today....I was up early Working and that went fine....and I managed to put away my feelings so that I could Work....otherwise I'll just end up collapsing in a heap and not doing anything at all...and that's not productive and also, I'm not rich by any means...I HAVE to Work to keep my Life going...

I'm off to my College today for my Therapy Session and I can't say that I'm looking forward to it....I really really don't want to leave my Flat but I know that I have to sooner or later...so I will....Just not sure how I'm going to feel....I guess I just have to get over it for this Afternoon and be brave....

Tomorrow morning I have an Appointment with the Rape Crisis People for my Self-Care Programme...and that's quite good so I'm sort of looking forward to that...

Right now I'm tired....a little upset at having to leave my Flat...and just feeling rather deflated....

Chat to you all later on xXx

welshdreamer71

Hope today wasnt as hideous as you were expecting Helen, and that your home and snug and warm again, im skiving from ironing uniform for tomorrow having a cuppa total peace and quiet bliss lol x

DreamerHelen

welshdreamer71 wrote: »

Hope today wasnt as hideous as you were expecting Helen, and that your home and snug and warm again, im skiving from ironing uniform for tomorrow having a cuppa total peace and quiet bliss lol x

Morning Hun....It wasn't great to leave the Flat....I was having little mini Anxiety Attacks all the way to my College...BUT, I made it...and I did it...and it wasn't that bad...so I survived.

However...On my way home I felt sick and suddenly fainted on the Tube and then threw up....Lovely!! So when I got home I went to bed and have slept for about 10 hours so that probably did me some good...

I've woken up with an almighty headache so I'm not going to the Rape Crisis Appointment this morning...I'm frightened that if I get on the Tube again I will throw up again...so I'm staying home for this Week....I'll go next Week...

So today I'll be Working...I have to go out and do a bit of Food shopping...and then I'll be Working, so its not too bad of a day...I'm feeling okay so far....I can't guarantee how I'll feel later on....I guess I'll just have to wait and see!!

maz1964

hi helen

seen your update and well done on what you have achieved so far upto this very minute,,,,

its all good and yes maybe this week take the time to snuggle up and keep warm hope you are not coming down with a bug with you not feeling so well, so yes go to your appointment next week just do what you feel ok with each day but we are here to kick your !!! if you dont at least think about going lol

you will do it in your time and thats okay

keep positive

laters maz