DreamerHelen's New Diary - "Ad Astra per Aspera"

DreamerHelen

Voice Recognition!! Ooooooh that sounds awfully posh Let me know when you've posted and I'll come take a look (just in case I miss it)....

Things going sort of okay this morning....Work going badly so far this morning but I've still got the rest of the day so I'm sure it will all work out....

Onwards and Upwards!! :T

The_Dragon

posted on my diary after posting on yours

DreamerHelen

Hey Everyone....

Well today has been going badly so far....I have had an awful headache and so had to go to bed for the Afternoon which meant I couldn't Work....so that was annoying...

But on the Plus side I have managed to put a little more into my Savings....which is good and I'm pleased that I haven't spent it on rubbish...

I'm going to really go for it in terms of Work over the next few days....

And then on Sunday I'm meeting up with a Friend for a Meal and then going to Mum's in the Afternoon which will all be good...so I have to go for it in terms of Work until Sunday...

Love and Hugs, Helen xXx

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THE STUFF OF DREAMS FOR 2012

College Fees Repay
I have stupidly gotten behind on my College Fees (I am retraining to be a Psychotherapist)...and so I want to be back on top by the end of the Year.

£0/£800

Xmas 2012
I always struggle to pay for Christmas and usually end up having to ask Mum to help me out. This Year I want to pay up front without having to pay anything back!!

£0/£300

LAM October
In October I am going to the LAM (please look this up if you want to know what it is). It's a little risque so I won't say too much about it, but you can always google it if you're interested!! Anyway, I want some money to spend at it!!

£5/£250 (Off the Mark at last!!)

BBB December
Again this is a little risque and please google it if you want to know what it is....but I want some serious money to treat myself so I'm saving Weekly for this event.

£0/£500

ZSL Season Ticket
London Zoo is pretty much my favourite place in London. I used to Work at SeaWorld in Florida and this is the nearest I can get to being back there, if that makes sense!! I tend to go once every 6 weeks or so and therefore I really should get a Season Ticket as it makes more sense rather than spending £25 every time.

£0/£100

ISA Savings Pot
I have absolutely ZERO savings most of the time (and that's mainly because I seem to be incapable of saving money). But I want to have a small amount of savings in case I am ill or want to take some time off Work...so that's what this is for and will be gotten from extra money that I earn.

So Far.... £16.84

DreamerHelen

Hey Everyone

Feeling a bit down today....Went to the Hospital for a check-up this morning and that went fine but I've not been feeling very well lately and I'm all headachy and tired all the time...and it's slowly beginning to get me down....

I'm looking forward to my Weekend....I'm Working tomorrow and Sunday morning but then I have the rest of the day off to spend with a Friend, going out for a Meal, going to Staples (which I love ) and then going to Mum's in the afternoon for some chill out time...so I'm very much looking forward to Sunday.

Anyway...that's about it from me....

Love and Hugs, Helen xXx

---

THE STUFF OF DREAMS FOR 2012

College Fees Repay
I have stupidly gotten behind on my College Fees (I am retraining to be a Psychotherapist)...and so I want to be back on top by the end of the Year.

£0/£800

Xmas 2012
I always struggle to pay for Christmas and usually end up having to ask Mum to help me out. This Year I want to pay up front without having to pay anything back!!

£0/£300

LAM October
In October I am going to the LAM (please look this up if you want to know what it is). It's a little risque so I won't say too much about it, but you can always google it if you're interested!! Anyway, I want some money to spend at it!!

£5/£250 (Off the Mark at last!!)

BBB December
Again this is a little risque and please google it if you want to know what it is....but I want some serious money to treat myself so I'm saving Weekly for this event.

£5/£500 (Yay, I might get there!!)

ZSL Season Ticket
London Zoo is pretty much my favourite place in London. I used to Work at SeaWorld in Florida and this is the nearest I can get to being back there, if that makes sense!! I tend to go once every 6 weeks or so and therefore I really should get a Season Ticket as it makes more sense rather than spending £25 every time.

£0/£100

ISA Savings Pot
I have absolutely ZERO savings most of the time (and that's mainly because I seem to be incapable of saving money). But I want to have a small amount of savings in case I am ill or want to take some time off Work...so that's what this is for and will be gotten from extra money that I earn.

So Far.... £19.64 (Feels like I actually have some savings now!!)

The_Dragon

Have a good day hun

DreamerHelen

Hi Everyone...I don't know if anyone remembers me or not...Haven't been posting on here (or anywhere on MSE) for a loooooong time...

Things have been very very difficult here and I have not had the heart to post I'm afraid...

Firstly...any challenges I had for this Year are null and void...I don't have the heart for them and frankly I don't have the money for them either...So I'm going to leave any Challenges until next Year...I plan on doing a few then...

Secondly...this post might be distressing to some people so I hope I don't offend anyone that is reading...

Just over two weeks ago I was held at knife point and robbed and sexually assaulted in my own home...It was awful and I'm still trying to come to terms with it....

That night I spent all night at the Police Station giving my Statement and then at Rape Crisis having all the Forensic Examinations done...

Thankfully they caught the guy that did it and he is now in Custody and should be staying there until at least January...so I guess that is the plus side.

On the downside....and there are many of those...My Netbook is gone because he stole it and although the Police recovered it they need to keep it as evidence so I'm currently using my Mum's Laptop until I can get a new Netbook from my Insurance. The Police still have my Phone because it has all his fingerprints all over it....they said I might not get that back for another 4-6 weeks....

And of course there is the emotional rollercoaster that I'm on at the moment....I don't know how to feel right now, I'm having flashbacks, nightmares and anxiety attacks and I'm terrified to be in my Flat even though he's in Custody....I can't move because I'm tied into my Contract until at least May next Year....although my Uncle has put enough extra bolts and locks on my door that you would need a chainsaw to get through my door right now so I guess that makes me feel a little bit safer.

I'm still in Therapy for the Course so that's helping a little and I'm going to see the Rape Crisis people tomorrow morning for what they call their "Self Care Programme", not sure what that entails but they said that I can't have Counselling with them until the Trial is over...not sure why...

So right now I'm in a really difficult place. Although this past few Weeks has really shown me just how strong i am....I have carried on with College and my Placements and have attended everything that I should do....and I didn't think I would be able to, I thought I would curl up and die but I haven't, I've carried on....So that shows me just how strong I am...

The reason I'm posting all of this on here is that I want to get back to Money Saving....to Saving up for the things that I want and slowly pay my Debts off....My Goal for December is to work out exactly how much I owe in various places and to Work out a Payment Plan starting in January that is realistic....I also want to SAVE for some things that mean a lot to me....To treat myself for some things and learn to live properly within my means without having to borrow off someone else!!

Anyway...So that is what has been going on with me....Some stuff not good but at least I now know just how strong I really am.

Helen xXx

The_Dragon

Huge cyber hugs coming your way hun (from another rape survivor), if you ever want to chat on-line please just PM me :A

DreamerHelen

The_Dragon wrote: »

Huge cyber hugs coming your way hun (from another rape survivor), if you ever want to chat on-line please just PM me :A

Thank you hun....I wasn't sure if I should have posted that on here but I'm glad I did....I need somewhere to talk at the moment....

And thank you for the offer of a Chat....I might just take you up on that hun xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello Helen, how are you doing?

Really sorry about whats happened. I think you are very brave to live in the flat afterwards, my friend has just been robbed and is now completely convinced she has to move. I know you would move if you could obviously but I think it is so strong of you to stay there. I would certainly have gone and stayed at Mum's or a friends.

Hope you read this and come back and tell us how you are doing

Massive hugs xxx

DreamerHelen

Hi Buffy and Everyone...

I'm doing okay today...Had a really really rough Week where I just felt scared about being back in the Flat and I couldn't sleep properly and I keep having Flashbacks and Nightmares when I did sleep....

But I have managed to do some decent Work last Night and I feel really good about that...I worked for 7 hours continuously without a break and earned a decent Wage....I've now earned enough to keep me going for another Week....so that's good and I feel really proud of myself.

Buffy....I DID stay with Mum for a few nights after it happened....but I couldn't stay there forever, especially since my Work has to be done from my own Flat....so I decided to bite the bullet and just come home....Plus he is in Police Custody so he can't hurt me anymore....

I also know that I can Call the Rape Crisis people if I need some help or the Samaritans...and that helps, knowing that there is someone on the other end of the Phone if I need them...and I know I can always come and post on here...

So right now I'm doing okay but that could very quickly change....my Emotions are all over the Place right now and VERY changeable...But I'm hopeful that I'm over the worst of it...at least for this Week...And next Week is a different Week so hopefully it will be better...

So I'm just about to go out to a Farmer's Market (not that I can afford to buy anything much)...It will be nice to have a look around and see what's on offer....and then I'm going to do a bit of Food Shopping...and then I'm going to come home and watch the 3rd Twilight Movie as I've really gotten into those lately...and then I'm going to do some Cleaning and then Mum might be coming round which will be nice....and then I'm Working from Midnight tonight and feeling really positive about that....

I've been having a really good look around on this Site and been thinking about some Challenges for next Year....I've been looking towards the Future and realising slowly that I will NOT let him win and that I CAN and WILL move forwards....And I'll declare what my Challenges are for next Year in December...I'm also going to figure out what I owe once and for all and have a final figure to start off with...

Thank You Everyone for all of your Support...It means a lot....

Love and Hugs

Helen xXx