DreamerHelen's New Diary - "Ad Astra per Aspera"

DreamerHelen

Thank You for your Words Dawny....I appreciate them.

I'm not running away....I WILL end this Thread but shall probably start a new Diary when I feel able to be honest with myself and everyone else....

Thank You again....

PestoPasta

Helen, I have been thinking about you overnight. I think that you do have issues with self-esteem, and obviously feel the need to lie to people and try to be what they want you to be. You can only be yourself.

Your job is obviously not working for you. I think you hate it. You need to find another job. I know this is easier said than done, but please do think about it. I think the perfect job for you at the moment would be working in an old peoples home. There is a dire shortage of people working in this industry. It would be incredibly rewarding for you and allow you to focus your efforts on others. There would probably be flexibility in fitting it around your college work, and it pays a living wage. What's not to like Helen????

I think living in this fantasy land of cyberspace and chatlines is not healthy. We all have 'lazy' tendencies if we are allowed, but most of us have something (work/children/debts) to make us get up and do something. I think you don't have that (the debts don't act as a big enough pull to you) and so you let your lazy tendencies take over. Spending your days conversing with strangers on the internet, inbetween eating take out pizza is thoroughly depressing behaviour, especially in a 35 year old women. You need to get out in the real world and live a more real life.

I think you obviously have many issues, and perhaps this diary is not a good place for you. People on here generally are dealing with money issues, but with you I think it is much more.

But I hope this 'outing' has served as a wake-up call for you.

You need to get out there and get a real life!!!!!!!!!

PestoPasta

P.S. I think you should start a new diary Helen, new page and all that. Start fresh with the real you, warts and all. People will support you if you are honest. Memorygirl stands out to me as a poster who drew people in because she was honest and upfront and had nothing to hide.

Be yourself, nothing more. But work hard. Be a good person. Get out of this sex industry chatline thing which you hate. Eat a healthy diet. Do one good deed a day. Smile. Count your blessings. Clean the flat so that it shines. Wear some lipstick and a nice outfit. Go visit your family. See friends. Apply for jobs. Read a good book. Stop watching so much TV. Walk every day. Don't feel sorry for yourself - there are people much much much much worse off than you.

DreamerHelen

Thank You Pesto....I appreciate your Words....And you're right, in some ways I DO hate working the Chatlines but I also enjoy it in other ways....

I would like to go out there and get a Part-time Job that gets me out of the house and I have been thinking about that....

I have no idea whether you will still support me if i start a new Diary....but you are welcome in it if I decide to start one....

I will start looking for Jobs today....

I still would like this Thread locked and have PM'd a Moderator to ask them to do this....

dawnybabes

Helen,

Thats brilliant you have decided to look fora job but you cannot afford to work part-time. At minimum wage you need to be working lots more hours in order to live.

Have you put he figures not the entitled to web site. The debts are going to drag you down. You have no mortgage, no dependants and no assets - word going bankrupt not bean option. You could then start everything with a clean sheet. I wod speak to Step change again, you aren't unique, your debt is the same as everyone else's it just your circumstances that are different.

I also think you are depressed, you've had and got a lot of stuff going on, perhaps you need to see a doctor for help.

Don't rn away, come back we recall rooting for you.

It can be done !!

DreamerHelen

Thank You Dawny...

The reason I said Part-Time was that the reality is that I DO need to earn £500+ per Week and I don't know of ANY Job whether it's full-time OR part-time that I can do that would give me that....

But if I got a part-time Job I could at least get out of the house for a couple of days a week and then do the Chatlines the other days of the Week....

I have been thinking - There IS a place where I used to Work that might take me back....I'm not sure at the moment....but it's possible....and their Hours are flexible....so I may well contact them to see what they say.

I'm not running away...I promise....I WILL come back and start a New Diary....Just might give it a short while before I do that....Just to turn a new Page and start afresh....

Shovel_Lad

DreamerHelen wrote: »

I'm not running away....I WILL end this Thread but shall probably start a new Diary when I feel able to be honest with myself and everyone else....

You should stick to that.

The problem for me if no-one else, is that I will never know if what you say can be believed.

It isn't as if this is the first time you have been caught out on MSE lying about meeting targets and the hours you have really worked.

You still do not have your priorities right. Don't worry about trying to rehabilitate your reputation on MSE before you rehabilitate it with your family, friends and creditors who you have also lied too as you have admitted elsewhere on MSE.
These are the people you should be concerned about - not random anonymous people on the internet.

If you do decide to start a new diary your first post should be a statement of affairs that is honest, accurate and includes all of your outgoings and a complete list of your debts.

DreamerHelen

Just to keep you all Updated - I phoned my old Workplace and am just waiting for them to get back to me....I know they work fairly quickly with new Applications so it's possible (if they accept me back) that I could be working again in the next couple of Weeks....We shall see!!

It's not the best of Jobs...It's Charity Fundraising....but I'm good at it, or at least I was, and it's fairly well paid and you can choose as many or as few Shifts as you want providing you do at least 12 hours a Week...I can also Work Weekends and use it to Work around my Studies....So it would be perfect...

As said, just waiting for them to get back to me....

DreamerHelen

Thank You for your Words Shovel Lad....

I will decide what to put on my first Post of a new Diary but I will mull over what you have said....