Who should pay for dresses?

Birdie85

It's a difficult one when you're on a budget but if you're telling someone what to wear, you should provide it IMO. I was a BM in June and will be again in December, my dresses were bought for me, the first bride paid for my shoes, accessories and hair, I know that the December bride is paying for hair and accessories but I'm willing to pay for my shoes (if I can choose them).

Honestly, if they'd shown me the dresses then said I'd have to pay I would have poiltely stepped down as BM. I can't afford to shell out for dresses that I'll never wear again, it's bad enough having to wear something that you haven't chosen and don't like and to pretend to be happy about it all day, but to have to pay for it too?!

I got married in February, I had one BM (small wedding abroad) and she chose her dress. The dress she fell in love with didn't even match my colour scheme, but I wanted her to be happy and comfortable so bought the dress she wanted and worked around it. She bought her shoes as I told her I didn't mind what she wore on her feet as long as she was comfortable so she got some sandals that I haven't seen off her feet all summer!

If you want your wedding to look a certain way, you can't expect people to pay for it. It's like hiring suits for the groomsmen and asking them to pay, completely not on IMO.

3v3

elvis86 wrote: »

Whilst I agree that asking a bridesmaid to pay for a £200 meringue from a bridal shop is worse, I still don't agree that "only" asking them to pay for a high street dress is a fair thing to do. People seem to think they're entitled to the big white wedding regardless of budget, I reiterate my earlier point, if you can't afford bridesmaids outfits; you shouldn't be asking people to be bridesmaids.

Totally and utterly agree!

The "big wedding", which is mainly the bride's fantasy being fulfilled, but then expecting the attendants to buy their own gowns/outfits?
People are finding it hard enough to budget for living expenses with so many soaring costs, but to add this into the mix when the bridesmaid is doing the bride a favour (not vice-versa!) is absolutely ridiculous! I would go so far as to say selfish.

The argument that "well they want to be a part of the wedding" so therefore can pay for their dress, is almost a form of blackmail. The fact is the bride wants them to be a part of the wedding! The sister's/friends can be just as much a part of the wedding simply by being there at the church.

But, by that same token, those bridesmaids being asked to supply their own gown/outfit, you still have a choice: you can accept the invite to the wedding, simply decline the invite to be a bridesmaid.

Kildare

Out of interest, how many of you are also paying for the groomsmens suit hire??

Certainly all the wedding's my OH has been involved in he's always had to buy or pay the hire for the suit. And at ours it was my OH who stipulated that the BM's should pay for the dresses as why should the guys pay and the girls not pay.

On the cash for a gift debate, I think its rude to ask for cash. If you don't want 3 toasters then have a gift list or vouchers (if you are saving for a larger item). Personally I don't like giving cash when I know its going towards someones honeymoon - why would I pay towards someone having an OTT holiday - but that's just my personal opinion and travel has never been important to me

At the end of the day we are all different and we know what works within our family / circle of friends.

MsShopper

I agree, why make the boys pay and not the girls? We're paying for suit hire - everything bar the shirt, shoes and underpants.

Actually, we're treating the best man to shoes, as he has a young family and very little spare cash. But the two ushers are getting just the suit hire.

elvis86

Kildare wrote: »

Out of interest, how many of you are also paying for the groomsmens suit hire??

Certainly all the wedding's my OH has been involved in he's always had to buy or pay the hire for the suit. And at ours it was my OH who stipulated that the BM's should pay for the dresses as why should the guys pay and the girls not pay.

On the cash for a gift debate, I think its rude to ask for cash. If you don't want 3 toasters then have a gift list or vouchers (if you are saving for a larger item). Personally I don't like giving cash when I know its going towards someones honeymoon - why would I pay towards someone having an OTT holiday - but that's just my personal opinion and travel has never been important to me

At the end of the day we are all different and we know what works within our family / circle of friends.

Your double standards amaze me!

Why would you pay towards someone having an OTT holiday? More to the point, why would your bridesmaids/ushers want to pay for outfits that they only need because you asked them to play a role in your wedding?!

Amazing!:rotfl:

If someone asked me to be an usher at their wedding and then advised that I would be expected to be paying for hire of my own suit, I'd want to tell them to do one! I have suits thanks, I'd rather just attend as a guest and wear one of those, attending a wedding costs enough!

I'd want to do that, but in reality I probably wouldn't. This is exactly where the problem lies, you people who think demanding people pay for their own outfits in acceptable are putting people in a really awkward position. You proclaim that "none of your bridesmaids/ushers minded", and I'm sure some of them didn't (as I say, I have offered in the past to pay for my own outfit), but I bet you a decent % of them did mind and slagged you off to high heaven behind your backs for your downright rudeness!

rosie-lee

If I was asked to be a bridesmaid and then asked/expected to foot the bill for an outfit I'd never wear again, I'd be gutted!

I'd probably spend hours stressing over how to get out of it without offending my friend/relative.

To be honest I'd always rather be a guest then a bridesmaid. If the 'honor' of being a bridesmaid is going to add another expense to the existing cost of hotels, taxis, overpriced drinks, babysitters & pressies etc I'd be relieved not to be asked.

Birdie85

I've told my friends that when they get married I'm more than happy to go as a plain old guest rather than a BM, I've done it now and I don't need to do it again!

I was totally shocked when my OH was asked to be an usher for the wedding where I was BM and he was told that his suit hire was 'only' £90 and he'd be required to pay it. He argued that he had a perfectly good suit that he was willing to wear and if they wanted him in something else then surely they ought to provide it just as they were providing dresses for BMs. The Bride and Groom just didn't get that they were asking a lot of their ushers, even going so far as to argue that traditionally groomsmen pay for their own suits, then came back to us with their tail between their legs having Googled English wedding traditions and finding nothing of the sort to back up their claim. In the end the Groom's father paid for the suits as I think the other ushers made comment about not being able to afford the suits either.

As I said in my previous post, it's just not on. You want someone to wear a certain outfit, you should pay for it.

I'm sure the other BMs thought I was really cheap on the wedding day as I politely refused to have my make-up done my the professional make-up lady (because it would have cost £20 and the other girls looked dreadful after she'd finished with them) and I didn't get my nails done (£40)... I did my own make-up and stuck on false nails! I'm a MSEr at the end of the day and I'd already spent more than enough on someone else's wedding day!

Piggo_2

I've just been a Bridesmaid for my best friend. She paid for everything to do with me - hair accessories, shoes, dress, flowers I just supplied the undies & gel pads for my shoes! I felt a bit awkward but she assured me she wanted to as I was being there, helping and supporting her. She even paid for the dress alterations and hair & makeup trails. It was a fantastic day and it was lovely to be a part of it.

becca0417

We are paying for everything to do with our wedding. We have paid for their dresses, all alterations, shoes, make up, hair, flowers. This includes taking the bms to and from fittings/shopping/wedding rehearsel so I am trying to make sure they are not out of pocket as far as possible. The only thing they are getting is jewellery and handbags and I think they are using things they already have. I did debate over asking them to get their own shoes but I think what I might do is say we have a budget of £25 per pair, if you choose a pair that is over then you will have to pay the rest kind of thing.

We are also paying for all the groomsmen to hire suits. If we weren't I would have been very happy for them to wear suits they already had or pay for a suit for them.

Judith_W

My oldest friend got married the other week, and she paid for the BM dress. Us bridemaids paid for all other aspects of the outfit as we will be able to re-wear. Don't think could have afforded to have been BM otherwise and would have been totally in a corner as would have been devistated not to be one if she had asked, esp when looking at petrol, hotel costs etc.

If it had been a dress I could wear again would have been prepared to pay what I would usually pay towards a dress