Who should pay for dresses?

MsShopper

We're paying for our bridesmaids' dresses plus a pashmina, but have asked them to sort out their own accessories. I think if the bride wants to choose the dresses, it's fair to cover the cost. If you're letting your BMs pick whatever dress they want, maybe it's fine that they pay, assuming they would wear it again.

The only time I've been a bridesmaid, I was asked to pay for my dress and wasn't even given a choice: a £120 champagne satin number from Debenhams, plus I had to get a stole (£25) and shoes and bag (£60) - none of which I ever wore again - not to mention transport, hotel, drinks etc. I wouldn't have minded too much if it had been a very cost-conscious wedding. But they had it in a giant, gorgeous barn with a big band, and had a horse-drawn carriage to take them there. To say we felt like mugs was an understatement!

double_mummy

originally i was going to pay for my 3BMs outfits I have found their dresses and they are gorgeous!!!!

i am spending about £80 on each outfit when they all decided they wanted to keep everything and are now putting £50 each towards it and they arent getting a present and keeping the rest of the outfit

does sound like a bit of a crap deal to be honest esp with it being in another country - but how would you have felt if she had got married in cornwall if you lived in liverpool (just an eg) then you would still have to of travelled and stayed in a hotel

you could even add a couple of nights and make it into a romantic get away for u n the OH

kimberley111

I think the bride should pay,surely it's not right to ask someone to be bridesmaid then tell them they have to pay for their own dresses,shoes etc? When I got married I had 4 bridesmaids and paid for everything....dresses,shoes,hair,make up,handbag,accessories and a gift x

shellsuit

Surely if a bride wants bridesmaids, then the bride and groom should pay for their outfit for the day, especially if they have to pick a particular colour or style?!

I think it's rude to expect a bridemaid to pick up the tab. If someone asked me to be a bridesmaid and wanted me to pay for a dress, shoes, jewellery, hair, a hotel room, a hen night etc etc, I'd tell them to choose somebody else. Their wedding so they should pay for what they want.

I paid for my bridemaids dress, but then again, I had to, she was my daughter!

RainbowDrops

Just speak to your sister & tell her that you were under the impression that she was going to get the dresses.
How much say do you think you'll have on the style / colour price?
Personally if the bride is choosing, the bride should pay, unless it was clear & agreed from the start that it would be paid for by the BMs.

You could always bargain with her & say if she pays for your dress, you'll pay for hers for your wedding.

marywooyeah

ashtray_heart wrote: »

They all seemed fine with this, in fact all of my friends who have gotten married have asked bridesmaids to pay for themselves. If someone is a good friend and wants to be part of your day then they won't mind.

this can go both ways though - I took the view that both my bridesmaids were good friends of mine, and I didn't want them to be out of pocket, I wanted them there and they wanted to be bridesmaids. It was my choice to get married, so why should my friends have to shell out over £100 each for it?

globetraveller

ashtray_heart wrote: »

If someone is a good friend and wants to be part of your day then they won't mind.

So being a friend involves shelling out money for a wedding? Surely it could also be that if YOU are a good friend you would pay for the dresses?
I feel sorry for the young members of our staff who are forever having to fork out on expensive hen weekends. Often these happen quite close together. I have no idea how people afford it nowadays.
However, if brides are only specifying a colour and letting BMs choose their own dress then that is better than being told which one to buy.

minerva_windsong

I've been a bridesmaid twice, for my two sisters, and had my dress bought for me both times (I did offer to pay for everything myself but my mum bought most of the stuff for me as I was a poor student at the time).

If she'd made it clear from the off that you'd be paying then it's different, but as it is I think she should be expecting to cover the bulk of the cost and for anything extra, like specially dyed shoes as opposed to ones you can just buy from the high street. The suggestion of if you buy it then you can decide what to do with it afterwards sounds like a good idea though, or saying that you'll pay for her bridesmaid dress at your wedding if she pays for yours now.

augustsmummy

When I got married I had 2 bridesmaids, my DD (10months at the time) and my sister. I bought 2 dresses for my sister, in the size she said she needed, and said she could choose which she preferred. I footed the bill for them both (from ebay).
She chose the purple one as she said it fitted her better. I was fine with that, and organised ties etc for the bestman and groom around that. Then 2 days before the wedding she rang and said it didn't fit! :eek:
I was fumming, when just 2 weeks prior she said it fitted! She expected me to foot the bill for a 3rd dress from debenhams at £90. I said no, either pay yourself or don't bother being a bridesmaid.

I had no issue in buying the first two dresses, plus shoes and letting her keep both, but that took the mickey.

She turned up in a hideous silver dress in the end, and looked like a quality street . In hind sight I should have told her not to bother.

Sorry for the rant .

Anyway, In my opinion I think the bride and groom should foot the bill for bridesmaids, after all you asked them to be a bridesmaid. Then have the number you can afford (hence why I had just 2 not 6 bridesmaids - I had a wedding budget of £1800 for everything including venue, food, band, wedding ceramony etc).

I_am_mad

I am getting married next August and I have asked my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses and they dont mind. I just feel that at the end of the day yes I want them to be a part of the wedding but I cannot afford to pay for them as I am paying to feed and water 100 people including them at the wedding. I will be paying for their shoes though which is better than nothing. Its upto the individul bride but who now really does it traditionally, I know for sure my father wont be paying for a single thing as he wont even be attending.