Who should pay for dresses?

elvis86

I can't believe the amount of people who think it's fine to ask someone to take a role in their weddings, and then expect them to cough up for their own outfit!

As I see it, if you can't afford a bridesmaid's outfit; don't ask anyone to be bridesmaid. What kind of a posistion is that to put someone in?

"I think so much of you that I'd like you to be a bridesmaid at my wedding...you'll have to pay for your own dress". How can they say no when the implication of doing so is that they somehow think less of you than you do them?!

I'm not disputing that many people will be happy to pay for their own outfits (almost everyone at my friend's wedding did, but when she asked us to be bridesmaids/ushers she wasn't expecting us to), but some people just won't be able to afford it.

Surely it would be better to say something like; "We're having a small wedding due to budget, but I wanted you to know that if I could afford bridesmaids, I'd have asked you". Maybe that's not perfect, but something that allows a friend to offer to buy their outfit if they want to and can afford it, or allows them to decline if they can't.

Honestly, what happened to common courtesy?

Kildare

I had two bridesmaids at my wedding. From the beginning we asked them to pay for their dresses but we did decide to go to the high street and go on a big shopping trip together. In the end my Mum decided to pay for the dresses and the girls just bought there own shoes (which were black sparkly ones that they chose and I have seen both of them wearing since).

I think if you're upfront with your bridesmaids its fine - you should be able to be upfront with your friends and family about these things, and if not how good a friend are they really.

Also, I think its fine to ask bridesmaids to pay for high street price dresses, but if you want them to wear 'proper' bridesmaids dresses from a bridal shop then the bride and groom should pay. When I was a bridesmaid for my SIL I had to buy the dress and it was £200 + shoes (£80 for the ones she wanted) for a dress and shoes that will never be worn again.

elvis86

Kildare wrote: »

I had two bridesmaids at my wedding. From the beginning we asked them to pay for their dresses but we did decide to go to the high street and go on a big shopping trip together. In the end my Mum decided to pay for the dresses and the girls just bought there own shoes (which were black sparkly ones that they chose and I have seen both of them wearing since).

I think if you're upfront with your bridesmaids its fine - you should be able to be upfront with your friends and family about these things, and if not how good a friend are they really.

Also, I think its fine to ask bridesmaids to pay for high street price dresses, but if you want them to wear 'proper' bridesmaids dresses from a bridal shop then the bride and groom should pay. When I was a bridesmaid for my SIL I had to buy the dress and it was £200 + shoes (£80 for the ones she wanted) for a dress and shoes that will never be worn again.

Whilst I agree that asking a bridesmaid to pay for a £200 meringue from a bridal shop is worse, I still don't agree that "only" asking them to pay for a high street dress is a fair thing to do. People seem to think they're entitled to the big white wedding regardless of budget, I reiterate my earlier point, if you can't afford bridesmaids outfits; you shouldn't be asking people to be bridesmaids.

shellsuit

elvis86 wrote: »

Whilst I agree that asking a bridesmaid to pay for a £200 meringue from a bridal shop is worse, I still don't agree that "only" asking them to pay for a high street dress is a fair thing to do. People seem to think they're entitled to the big white wedding regardless of budget, I reiterate my earlier point, if you can't afford bridesmaids outfits; you shouldn't be asking people to be bridesmaids.

Totally agree, and to me, it's the same as asking people for cash as a present.

Rude!

elvis86

shellsuit wrote: »

Totally agree, and to me, it's the same as asking people for cash as a present.

Rude!

In actually disagree RE asking for money. I think as long as the message is "If you were planning on buying a gift, we would prefer money" is acceptable. If I wanted to give a gift to a couple, I would prefer to give them something that would come in useful rather than waste my money on something they didn't really need.

jemb

I agree elvis. I dont think anyone needs 4 toasters and 3 breadbins when alot of people live together for years before hand! We'll be asking people who want to get us anything for money for a new bathroom, and it's all gone down well for the people asking us what we are doing already!

Crap_with_money.com

I'm getting married next July and and am having 5 adult bridesmaids and 2 children. I asked them with the intention of paying for all of their dresses, but my elder sisters have insisted they'll pay for my 3 nieces dresses. I would never have expected this, however, in reality I only want to have my 2 closest friends as bridesmaids and I think my sis' recognise that their girls were only asked partly out of obligation.

Having said all of that, I do think it's upto the bride to cover the cost of any bridesmaids they've asked. If your sister is insiting you pay for your own, rather than cause the upset it would do in my family, I'd basically just return the expectation when you get married?

Best of luck with it either way!

xx

Scotsbride

I think that like ops that the bride should pay.

Kaye1

You ask them to join you as a bridesmaid- and to do this they need a special dress- fine. But to ask them to pay for it- no way! If you ask, make sure you can pay! I had five bridesmaids and paid for everything.

We were on a budget and it turned out cheaper to get a friend to make the dresses- but I still covered all costs incurred. I think it is bad manners- especially as the person you are asking can hardly refuse to pay can they? Even if they are your bestest friend ever, most people would find it difficult to say 'No, I am not paying for it.'

This happened to my SIL as she really found it difficult to pay- but was to embarrassed to say anything, so ended up paying out for something she didn't really want to. She really wanted to be part of the day and felt like saying 'no' would sour the day.

I think those people who say 'my friend didn't mind,' might find that at least 50% of them did but were too polite to say anything.

purple.sarah

In England it is traditional for the couple to pay for their bridesmaids dresses unless pre-arranged (in America the bridesmaid pays.) It seems unreasonable of her to expect you to pay when you're paying so much to attend her wedding anyway.

You could let her know it will stretch your budget but if you can't change her mind you can at least make her pay for her own dress when she's in your wedding! She can't complain 'cos she gave you the idea and that way you'll be able to save some money for your wedding!