Who should pay for dresses?

mrbrightside842

I chose everything my bridesmaids wore, and I paid for them. If I were a bridesmaid I would expect it to be paid for by the bride, but if I were asked to pay I wouldn't mind on the proviso that I got to choose. True that a guest would pay for a dress to wear on the day, but they could choose something they liked and that they'd get to wear again. So I think the same should be done if a person is asked to pay for their BM dress.

seafarers_wife

i paid for my bridesmaids dress, bolero (made to measure), alterations, shoes, dying of shoes, accessories, make up and gave her £60 to cover her hair (£25) bringing bacon and rolls over on the morning, taxi to my parents and taxi home from reception so that she wasnt out of pocket for anything whatsover. and she got to keep everything.

in return she calmed me down massively in the run up to the wedding by

• listened to me vent at all hours by phone and email
• went out and bought me a pregnancy test 2 days before the wedding as i was late (that was negative, but the one a week later wasnt :j)
• turned up to the pub early the night before the wedding so she could work out who everyone was
• ran interferance with annoying relatives for me and my mum
• calmed me down and gave me a stern talking to in the morning when getting ready and i was being a spoilt brat
• calmed me down even more when i got to the church and made me take 5 mins to gather myself
• ran interferance for me and the groom when we had an argument at the reception
• listened to me !!!!! about said groom
• then tried to sober him up
• helped me to the toilet so many times through the night as needed help holding up my dress
• made me meet her for lunch the day after the wedding when i was still emotional after the fight i had with OH

seriously, if your bridesmaid(s) is someone that can do half of what i listed above then the bride and groom should be paying for the bridesmaids outfit and accessories. if budget is really an issue well then cut back on how many attendants you are having or have a frank discussion with them about finances and that as much as you would love them to be part of your day, you cant afford to pay for everything for them as much as you would love to and see if they offer to contirbute or not.

sharpee

Wow what an amazing bridesmaid I hope mine is as half as helpful as yours and I'll be happy! :beer:

kacy1988

I'm on the fence with this tbh

if a bridesmaid is expected to wear a "typical" bridesmaid dress that 99% sure she wont wear again. and it's in a sepecific colour / style that the bride has chosen then the bride should foot the bill.

my bridesmaid is having a highstreet dress (of her choice, just with guidence on colour) that can be worn out to all manor of occasions depending on whether you dress it up or down with accessories. she is buying it herself and keeping it afterwards. she insisted on paying for it BECAUSE i wasnt forcing her into something she didnt want.
I will probably end up paying for her hair to be done on the day (we were going to do our own but i thought it might be a nice treat for us both!)

stationaryace

RainbowDrops wrote: »

You could always bargain with her & say if she pays for your dress, you'll pay for hers for your wedding.

Or alternatively that if you pay for your BM dress at her wedding she will have to do the same at yours.

Emmylou_2

I'm only having one "big" bridesmaid (best mate) and she'll be buying her own dress. But it'll be something that she can wear again, rather than a "bridesmaidy" dress. For the two little flower girls, their dresses will be high street and I'll be paying for those - but if their parents (my bro and a close friend) offer to help financially, I'm not going to turn it down. But again, I'm hoping that theirs will be dresses that they can wear again. And I've decided on converse shoes so we'll all get more wear out of those.

Debbiecatal

My daughter Catherine is having 4 bridesmaids plus a flower girl (she only really wanted 2 but that's another story!) We are buying their dresses as they are not the sort of thing you would wear anywhere else, and buying necklaces as a present to them and to wear on the day, but asking them to provide their own shoes and if they want a stole or bolero to cover their arms, to pay for those too. They all seem happy with that. It doesn't seem right to ask them to pay for something when they have very little choice over what they will be wearing and will never wear it again. Like the idea of selling them afterward - never thought of that!

fawny

Hi,

I'm paying for my bridesmaid dress & it will be something she can wear again, as were marrying abroad so she won't be having a traditional dress. I have asked her to buy her own shoes but if the dress we find comes in under budget then I will try & get the shoes as well.

ashtray_heart

Who says they have to shell out lots of money. I can't afford to pay for bridesmaid dresses, I am 24 and paying for the wedding myself out of money that I have saved. My friends would rather be part of my day than not involved at all. The dresses they are buying cost £35 each. I chose not to get married at home but rather where I went to university so that they don't have to travel far.

Surely it is about whether or not they want to be part of your day? I am not demanding that they spend £200 each on dresses. I think that if your friends really want to be your bridesmaids and the choice is they can but they have to buy their own dress or I am really sorry but our budget doesn't stretch to bridesmaids then most friends will understand the situation.

globetraveller wrote: »

So being a friend involves shelling out money for a wedding? Surely it could also be that if YOU are a good friend you would pay for the dresses?
I feel sorry for the young members of our staff who are forever having to fork out on expensive hen weekends. Often these happen quite close together. I have no idea how people afford it nowadays.
However, if brides are only specifying a colour and letting BMs choose their own dress then that is better than being told which one to buy.

Kittendreich

If the bride wants to chose she should pay - if she is happy for the BM to choose then they need to agree at the start who is paying for what so everyone is clear.

For my BMs I bought their dresses but they paid for shoes/acessories (but they choose anything they wanted - ended up matching each other well, but just a coincidence!). I had that when I was a BM and it was a good compromise (particularly where there is more than one adult BM). Twice I have been BM and not been bought a dress, but could wear anything I wanted - so it was no more expense than going to the wedding anyway - I was also happy with this.

You should speak to your sister and either to both buy your own dresses when being BM for each other - or both buy each other a dress...that way it is fair...