Who should pay for dresses?

s0237276

My sister has asked me to be bridesmaid for her wedding in 2012 (date tbc). When we first spoke about it she gave the impression that (as per tradition) her and her fiance would be paying for the bridesmaids dresses.

Now in a conversation had yesterday it appears that we are going to have to pay for everything ourselves. Ordinarily I wouldn't mind too much as they are paying for the wedding themselves but the wedding is going to be in Ireland with a small ceremony and meal and then a day or so later a big party which we all have to attend. That means I'm having to pay for flights (for myself and boyfriend) and potentially 3 nights in a hotel.

Added to this my boyfriend and I are planning to get married in 2013 - for which she will be a bridesmaid and I will be paying for her dress and accessories etc. So we are currently trying to save for that.

Sorry for the rant but is it unreasonable that I'm expecting her to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

findingmyownway

s0237276 wrote: »

Sorry for the rant but is it unreasonable that I'm expecting her to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

I don't think it is, but I have a similar problem myself at the moment.

Friend getting married in Feb.... boasting about how much she's spent on venue, dress etc... decided to have 7 (yes 7!) bridesmaids yet is expecting us to pay for our own dress and shoes. On top of wanting us to spend 2 nights in some posh castle at £150/night+ I think its a bloody cheek to be honest, but not quite worked out what to do about it!

Hollie84

Personally i would never ask bridesmaids to pay for there dresses if u ask someone to be apart of your day in such a big way then u pay for them,u cant expect people to pay for flights etc if u want them there u would pay for them,she has chosen somewhere where its going to cost people and she cant expect people to fork out

marywooyeah

Hollie84 wrote: »

Personally i would never ask bridesmaids to pay for there dresses if u ask someone to be apart of your day in such a big way then u pay for them,u cant expect people to pay for flights etc if u want them there u would pay for them,she has chosen somewhere where its going to cost people and she cant expect people to fork out

my thoughts exactly. I paid for my bridesmaids and MOH (who then dropped out 2 weeks before the wedding, didnt bother telling me herself then wore head to toe purple to the wedding!!!! the dresses were purple!) and their shoes aswell. I think if you ask someone to be your bridesmaid you should pay for them, its unreasonable to expect them to be out of pocket for your wedding.
If you get married abroad aswell I think its unreasonable to expect people to pay for flights etc.

Dolly<3

I have asked my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses but I did ask them at the very start and made it quite clear that if they could not afford it there was no expectation for them to be bridesmaid, I just wanted to ask them to be a part of my day.

I'm also hoping to buy high street dresses so I'm hoping the cost will be reasonable and hopefully they will end up with a dress they can keep and wear again.

I'm then hoping to provide their shoes and jewellery if money permits.

One way I have seen it done before is a bride gave her bridesmaids the option and said they could buy their own dress and keep them, or she would buy them but have the dresses back after to sell.

All this said, it sounds like the wedding is already going to cost you a lot of money in accomodation etc. Maybe just speak to your sister and explain that you are worried about money especially with your wedding coming up. Hopefully as she's aware of the costs of a wedding she will be understanding.

xxx

marywooyeah

Dolly<3 wrote: »

One way I have seen it done before is a bride gave her bridesmaids the option and said they could buy their own dress and keep them, or she would buy them but have the dresses back after to sell.

that sounds like a good suggestion for the OP - I paid then asked for the dresses and shoes back to sell.

trying_2_b_good

I know it's hard to discuss money - but it's your sister so if I were you, I'd just ask her. Or mention it to your Mum so your Mum can bring it up with her. Perhaps she doesn't realise that you intend to pay for her dress when she's your bridesmaid?

You could always say that you are happy to put £60 towards because that's how much you'd be spending on a new dress anyway, and ask her to pay the rest. Either way, the only way to stop resentment and feeling like this is to discuss it with her to find out her reasonings and express how difficult you're finding it to pay...

ashtray_heart

I am getting married and I have asked my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses. In these modern times I really don't think it is unreasonable especially as I made it clear in the beginning that I really wanted them to be part of my special day but as I have to pay for the wedding myself I can't afford to pay for their dresses. This does mean that I have less say in what they want as they all get to choose a dress they like in my chosen colour as hopefully they will like it enough to keep it afterwards.

They all seemed fine with this, in fact all of my friends who have gotten married have asked bridesmaids to pay for themselves. If someone is a good friend and wants to be part of your day then they won't mind.

DaisyFlower

I must admit i'm shocked at the amount of people who expect the bridesmaid to pay for their own dress. The cost of the wedding should be down to the couple not the guests apart from if they choose not to cover the bar tab.

sharpee

I think it is unfair to ask someone to be a bridesmaid them expect them to pay for an outfit they don't get any choice over! Esp. as its going to cost them a lot of money to attend the wedding itself.

I've asked my Brothers Gf but I intend to pay for her dress, which I am quite Willing for her to choose as long as its in the right colour. I have a 2nd option which is to wear my beautiful Coast dress that I wore to my Mum & Stepdads wedding when I was a Bridesmaid which will save us money.

Jalapee

With my 3 bridesmaids 1 is under 16 so I will be paying for hers, my sister and best friend are happy to pay for theirs, which is a relief