Weekly Flylady Thread 8th August 2011

bonnie_bumpkins

CherryBerry wrote: »

Room for another flyer?

Hi CherryBerry and welcome!!

I followed the flylady thread for a few weeks then joined 'properly' for this week and it has helped me LOADS!! I really need someone to give me a list every day and say "come on then, get off your rear end and DO something!" I've also learned not to try to tackle everything at once and get in a tizz - short sharp bursts seem to work for me.

Oh and everyone is lovely.

Littlemissteapot

Littlemissteapot wrote: »

Hi Everyone

Thursday
[STRIKE]Tidy all bedrooms and hoover
Dog-train: 'Come' and 'sit' introduce the 'stand' command, good behaviour around horses-off lead
Pack non-essentials
Eat a biggish frog[/STRIKE]

Well, decided to let Tiny off the lead around the horses because he showed good restraint and behaviour on previous days.
The Little 5h1t3 ran-off towards the horses, barking. :eek:
I'm screaming and running after the Little So and So - he's taking no notice of me.
The horses started to gallop towards me because they think its their feeding time - The Little Chap sees the horses - galloping and snorting - coming towards him.
He suddenly stops, does a U-turn and hare-races back to me as fast as his little legs would carry him. He hasn't left my side since.
Although, not the dog-training method I intended to use - the result was just the same. :beer:

Other then the above, I'm very pleased with the progress I've made with my todo list. It's looking bearable at the moment.

Things to do today!
Friday
Update accounts and reconcile
Dog-train -re-emphasise 'stand' and all other commands and horse behaviour
Deep clean the kitchen for the weekend
Eat a tadpole!

vanilla

kazwookie wrote: »

Vanilla~~ glad you are busy and PIL is being very suportive, just being nosey here, but you often mention cattle, how many do you have, are these yours, or the local farmer?

There all PIL's cattle, they have about 25 now but used to be milking and everything. Plan was always that KH would take it over and build it back up again to large numbers.

Loads of talking going on here. FIL is looking KH to move back here and for rules to be set. They know they need him for the help and there worried he won't last long on his own. I've said he needs proper help but he might not want it. So not sure how things will work out.

Valli

bonnie_bumpkins wrote: »

I've also learned not to try to tackle everything at once

that's my rule for spring cleaning etc...

so WHY am I working on

touch-ups in DS's room
touch-ups in DD's room (with DD's help, it has to be said)

AND trying to do the bathroom ceiling

all at once!

Vanilla - they don't have to live with it like you do. Your ex needs to PROVE himself and that means over time. He hasn't managed to sort himself out even with the incentive of you to push him thus far. This is tough love (throwing him out) and maybe tough love's the way to go. Can the CPN (or anyone else) arrange a meeting for you and the in-laws so that they grasp the FULL extent of his problems? Apart from anything else if he cannot be relied upon he cannot commit to cattle which, as you know, need regular attention.

pigpen

vanilla wrote: »

There all PIL's cattle, they have about 25 now but used to be milking and everything. Plan was always that KH would take it over and build it back up again to large numbers.

Loads of talking going on here. FIL is looking KH to move back here and for rules to be set. They know they need him for the help and there worried he won't last long on his own. I've said he needs proper help but he might not want it. So not sure how things will work out.

Well dont you dare back down and let him back if it not what you think is in the best interests of you and the children.. he can move in with them.. let them take some responsibility for him!

You CAN do this.. stay strong!

and you have enough responsibility without the bovines.. let the inlaws deal with them!!! .. Blackmail by cow is about the best I have heard!

bonnie_bumpkins

Valli wrote: »

all at once!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


Vanilla - fwiw I agree with comments from valli & pigpen you seem to have come so far and made a brave stand so stand your ground honey, it's over to other people to look after him now, while you look after yourself & kids. Keep your pecker up (as my old Dad says)

cyclingyorkie

vanilla wrote: »

There all PIL's cattle, they have about 25 now but used to be milking and everything. Plan was always that KH would take it over and build it back up again to large numbers.

Loads of talking going on here. FIL is looking KH to move back here and for rules to be set. They know they need him for the help and there worried he won't last long on his own. I've said he needs proper help but he might not want it. So not sure how things will work out.

STAND FIRM HERE!!!!!!!!

Despite the implications for the cattle - your main focus is providing stability for you and the kids - and you cannot do that if he is back without sorting his problems out!

He has to hit rock bottom before there is any chance of things changing. People can't do it for him - i have watched enough Jeremy Kyle to know that you have to be tough!

You need the cpn/doctor/social worker to intervene here - FIL needs to know that this won't work - and it is unfair to you and the kids to try and do this!

LameWolf

vanilla wrote: »

There all PIL's cattle, they have about 25 now but used to be milking and everything. Plan was always that KH would take it over and build it back up again to large numbers.

Loads of talking going on here. FIL is looking KH to move back here and for rules to be set. They know they need him for the help and there worried he won't last long on his own. I've said he needs proper help but he might not want it. So not sure how things will work out.

Adding my voice to what the others have said.... do NOT back down now. You've set rules in the past, and it hasn't worked out. You and your children HAVE to come first from here on. No ifs, no buts. (((HUG)))

In the Wolf's Lair.... Ted has arrived with a great big box of food and treats, for his stay.:) He's also got 2 lots of tablets to have, for an ear infection;:( but he's brought a block of cheese with him to take them with.

He also needs to be bathed in his special shampoo twice a week, as he has a skin condition; it's the first time he's stayed with us long enough to need us to do that, so that's going to be interesting.:cool: My experience of bathing dogs tells me to strip down to underwear for the task because I will get soaked!:rotfl:

Oh, and his folks sent a beautiful bouquet of lilies and roses for me, too!:o

vanilla

I suppose my concern is that this isn't just drugs this is mental health as well. I worry that he won't hit rock bottom but hit 6 feet under, i'm not talking drugs but more self harming and his mood. Don't get me wrong he needs to learn from this, he really does.

PIL love him to bits they picked him when he was a baby and just adour him but they won't put up with it anymore. It really affects them badly plus there going on in years they don't need it.

I love him to bits always have but i don't know what to do. When he's good he's good and when he's bad he's bad. If he moves to his own place it will do him more harm than good, he couldn't cope on his own. If he comes back here it looks like i'm backing down which i don't want. Of course i want him home but i want change, i want proper help for him and for me. The kids want him home but of course they would anyway. I just don't know what to do for the best.....:( This makes me sound like a complete wimp..

pigpen

vanilla wrote: »

I suppose my concern is that this isn't just drugs this is mental health as well. I worry that he won't hit rock bottom but hit 6 feet under, i'm not talking drugs but more self harming and his mood. Don't get me wrong he needs to learn from this, he really does.

He is the one with the ability to control those things!


PIL love him to bits they picked him when he was a baby and just adour him but they won't put up with it anymore. It really affects them badly plus there going on in years they don't need it.


and you do need it? the children need it? And they wont put up with it when the going gets tough.. so think it is ok to expect you to do it? They love him on their terms.. when it doesnt mean they have to put in any realy effort. How badly do you think all this is effecting the children? and you?.

I love him to bits always have but i don't know what to do. When he's good he's good and when he's bad he's bad. If he moves to his own place it will do him more harm than good, he couldn't cope on his own. If he comes back here it looks like i'm backing down which i don't want. Of course i want him home but i want change, i want proper help for him and for me. The kids want him home but of course they would anyway. I just don't know what to do for the best.....:( This makes me sound like a complete wimp..

There are plenty of places he can live on his own with daily support from the people who are paid to help others in situations like this. he isnt the first and he will be far from the last.. but as long as these people think someone is daft enough to do their job for them.. ie.. YOU.. they wont provide anything.

There are blocks of flats here filled with smack heads and ex/prostitutes and other unsavoury sorts you wouldnt want your child to become and many of them have mental health issues to boot.. I think most would have to have them to end up there in the first place.. he is no different to any of them.. he has a myriad of issues which all need support and unless he is willing to ask for that help himself and accept it he wont change.. not ever.

Regardless of whether you love him, his parents love him, the children love him.. he needs to do this himself.