A 'what would you do' thread...

halibut2209

Only read the first two pages, but I think the biggest problem here is the OPs relationship with her partner.

Parents need to present a united front to their children, even if they disagree with each other. OH should have supported the OP, and then talked it over with her afterwards if he felt she was wrong.

RadoJo

It does sound as though you have fundamental disagreements over parenting, and if these have not been resolved at an earlier stage then it seems unlikely that they will now. To be honest, I don't necessarily agree that parents should always back each other without question when children get to their teenage years. When they are young, then parents' word is law, but when they become able to reason, see two sides to an argument and find themselves able to argue their point (reasonably - I'm not excusing vile language) then it's important to demonstrate that parents can disagree but do so respectfully and find a compromise which makes everyone happy. This is borne out by the fact that your son sees the need to apologise and your husband doesn't, thus proving that three people who were all at odds can find common ground when they consider their own faults as well as those of the others involved.

Clearly in this case, that process has failed, but there are better ways to go about resolving it than demanding support from someone who could possibly have a legitimate reason to disagree with you or running away to your mother's house and sulking - perhaps the difficulties in your marriage are manifesting themselves in the way you interact with the children as well as each other, in which case all these incidents with the children are just deflecting the real issue and masking the fact that you two are spoiling for a row with one another, but possibly scared of how that might actually end up.

NB - none of the above is intended as a criticism of you or your parenting style, and it's just my take on a situation as a complete outsider and someone who has no knowledge of your situation beyond what you have posted here. So this is intended to perhaps offer a different perspective on what has been happening rather than an attempt to lay blame or be negative and I hope it comes across as such.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Ignore him, change the locks and see whether he has enough balls to do anything about it. After all, you haven't thrown him out, you've merely decided that the home security needs upgrading. It probably hasn't occurred to him that you would do something like that, and that you are sobbing on your bed wishing you had only listened to his superior intellect.

I'd also be inclined to change my telephone numbers and email addresses/block his, so if he had to communicate with me, he'd have to knock on the door or pay a solicitor to write a letter.


He seems to think that he is punishing you by staying away, going by the dramatic packing and snidey email.

Show him it's no punishment to be free of him. It takes away his power over you, then.

CH27

Kili wrote: »

Am slightly amused by the fact he's just walked in, got a suitcase out of the loft and whistling as he's packing. He hasn't uttered a word to me.

To be honest I think I'm well rid of such a childish coward.

How childish:eek:

Kili

He's still with his Mother lol. I made sure he left his key which irked him greatly I think.

I am quite happy to sit back now and let him get on with it.

Jojo:

He seems to think that he is punishing you by staying away, going by the dramatic packing and snidey email.

If this is punishment then its Fab, quiet house, TV to myself, nice meal, long hot bath and feet up then my nice comfy big bed to myself with a movie

notechno

I went pretty cold when I read what he'd emailed you, tbh. Last year, I got dozens, maybe over a hundred, in the same vein from my abusive, controlling ex. The wording and attitude were so similar they could honestly have been the same person.

Hope you have a lovely evening, chilling and doing exactly what you want to do. And I hope you get some headroom to think about exactly what you want

elisebutt65

Kili wrote: »

He's still with his Mother lol. I made sure he left his key which irked him greatly I think.

I am quite happy to sit back now and let him get on with it.

Jojo:


If this is punishment then its Fab, quiet house, TV to myself, nice meal, long hot bath and feet up then my nice comfy big bed to myself with a movie

Time would probably be better spent sorting out your financial situation, if he's made all the decisions in the past. Things like joints bank account & mortgage?

marywooyeah

newcook wrote: »

Im 30 and I would still never dream of using that language around my mom! If ever I was repeating something that someone said with that word in the sentence I replace it with ‘eff’.

haha I'm like that too! i once accidentally used the f word in front of my mum when I was 22 and I was mortified!

marywooyeah

oh dear it seems to have escalated a lot since I last read! OP I hope you're ok - you sound positive and thats good xxx

Sagz_2

Kili wrote: »

DS has skulked off to his mates for the night (still without apology). OH I imagine has gone to his Mothers, tbh I don't rightly care anymore.

Good. He won't get in the way whilst you pack for him

18 is too old to be still living at home, kick him out into the real world and he will soon see that if someone offers to take you out to eat you say 'thank you' and don't sulk if you can't get your own way.