A 'what would you do' thread...

Kili

Here is the scenario....and its a long long rant but I need to get this off my chest.

You, OH and DS (18) are planning on going for a meal but between you cannot decide where to go. All parties are grumpy and argumentative and all parties at fault to some extent.

You decide that DS's huffing and puffing and OH's stinky attitude wont make for much of a nice meal so decide to cook at home instead when DS lovingly announces "Well F**K YOU!" and marches out the door, followed by OH who then takes DS for a meal.

Several messages ensue where OH cannot see why DS should be apologising for speaking to his Mum like that because she was as much in the wrong, despite the fact that at no point in the last 18 years have I ever spoken to my child like that. OH is implying I deserved it. To my mind nobody deserves that.

I am fuming with DS (who incidentally still refuses to apologise) and fuming with OH who still will not back me on this, to the point where I really don't want to be in a relationship with a man who obviously has such little respect for me.

I know if I had spoken to my Mother like that my father would have kicked my backside from here to eternity, regardless of what my Mother had done.

To be honest I think I'm at the end of my rope with OH and the marriage and this just put the topper on it. Many many years ago whilst we were out I was abused by a lad for the way I looked, OH stood back and said not a word. I've never forgiven him for that and I'll carry that with me forever. The fact that he was willing to stand back while someone hurled abuse at me then, and then has done it yet again tonight from our own son disappoints me and sickens me to be honest.

So tell me ladies, if your son had spoken to you like that, even if you were as much in the wrong as they, what would your other halves do?

lolseh

Well I'm 19 and if I say something to my parents like 'shut up' then I get a telling off for being cheeky. Dread to think what I would get if I swore at them :eek:

shirlgirl2004

I can't imagine my 21 year old ever talking to me like that but if he did I don't think the OH would say anything. He's quite insipid in that way. I don't think he'd have gone out for the meal though.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sounds like the relationship is dysfunctional and DS has learned from this how to behave towards women.

However, I am perfectly able to deal with being sworn at by myself, so I wouldn't be wondering why someone else hadn't jumped up to defend me. (which isn't a criticism of you, more of an observation of my natural stroppiness)

If you feel that your relationship is over, and you aren't just feeling grumpy because of the weather or anything else, then that's one thing. If you haven't got any intention of separating and you just want a (((())))) and reassurance that they were in the wrong, then I will tell you it's wrong, but you have to decide what to do about it.


Although I may just forget how to cook, clean or doing any washing for an ill mannered little sh-- until he apologised.

AmandaD28

I would have hit the roof how dare he ? You are his mother and deserve some respect I would not have tolerated it and nor would I tolerate that kind of behaviour from OH my OH although not my kids biological father supports me and I support him with discipline of our children I wouldn't put up with that any other way I am gobsmacked your OH saw fit to reward his behaviour by taking him out for a meal even if he thought you were in the wrong he shouldve spoken to you without DS to express this not take him out to slag you off.

As far as your marriage goes its only you who knows how you feel and you are clearly angry right now so I'd calm down prior to doing anything I don't think its a marriage ending offence personally but if that is how you still feel and this is merely the straw that broke the camels back then its up to you to do something about it


I'd also be having strong words with DS my two are much younger and I obviously can't speak for how they'll grow up but I too am not bringing them up like that and would be horrified if they screamed that at me I wouldn't even speak to my parents like that either even as an adult no matter how vexed they get me sometimes I have way more respect.

Where are OH and DS now ? Still out together or come home ?
Good Luck OP xx

Kili

DS has skulked off to his mates for the night (still without apology). OH I imagine has gone to his Mothers, tbh I don't rightly care anymore.

charleyroo

I'm 21 and if I spoke like that to either of my parents while living at home (no matter who was in the wrong) I would have literally been out of the door!

Actually when I think about it, if we were having a multi way argument all those moons ago when I lived at home, if I raised my voice it would make both parents automatically rejoin forces and win

I'm sorry your not so DS felt as though speaking like that to you was acceptable, and OH for siding with him. It doesn't even matter who was right or wrong to begin with - a basic expectation of a child would be some level of respect towards a parent, and the scenario you mentioned is totally in the wrong.

Hug xxx hope it blows over soon xxx

lolseh

Sound like a pair of cowards that don't want to face the music.

jakes-mum

I would have been livid if my child used that language toward me! Im 32 now, married with 2 kids and my dad still gives me 'the look' when I say anything he deemed as swearing when we were kids! If I had dared use that language toward my mother, i actually couldnt imagine what my dad would have done to me! I just never would have said it.

Absolutely agre with Jojo, he can sort his own food, washing, ironing etc out until he mans up and apologises for his disgusting language. You might want to remind both him and OH that apologising when wrong is a sign of maturity, which neither of them seems to have grasped.

Kili

I called my Mum, because I was beginning to question myself, I told her what had happened and that I was as much in the disagreement (I wouldnt even call it an argument as voices were certainly not raised) as DS and OH and told her what he had said. She did agree that DS should in no way have spoken to me like that and at that point OH should have said "Now hang on a minute!".

Charleyroo, thats how I was raised, the minute I got loudmouthed to my Mum my Dad would jump onside and that would be it, never the other way round.

I'm hurt to be honest, hurt that OH obviously has so little respect for me and that DS is the same. My Mum is furious with DS (she's keeping out of the OH side of it) and DS will not like his Nan being annoyed with him as she pays for his driving lessons etc. I really do feel like packing up both of their things and telling them to just go.

OH is always good at twisting arguments around at me and involving the kids. One of my other threads on here details an incident where he did the same. I'm sick to death of it and really am past caring now.

Kili

jakes-mum wrote: »

You might want to remind both him and OH that apologising when wrong is a sign of maturity, which neither of them seems to have grasped.

Ahh now according to OH IM supposed to be the one apologising to DS!!!!