A 'what would you do' thread...

Kili

Still no word from either and to be honest I've locked up and got into bed. DS will have the wrath of his Nan to face (especially when she asks tomorrow if he's apologised and is told 'no') and Nan is VERY scary.

As for OH, well, he needs to step up a gear. Where does he envisage this ending? Its ok to swear at Mum? I don't think so and I'm afraid if neither respect me both know where the door is because I deserve better than that.

So thats me for the night. I thank you for your input and I'm going to bed.
night ladies
xx

thatgirlsam

Kili wrote: »

Still no word from either and to be honest I've locked up and got into bed. DS will have the wrath of his Nan to face (especially when she asks tomorrow if he's apologised and is told 'no') and Nan is VERY scary.

As for OH, well, he needs to step up a gear. Where does he envisage this ending? Its ok to swear at Mum? I don't think so and I'm afraid if neither respect me both know where the door is because I deserve better than that.

So thats me for the night. I thank you for your input and I'm going to bed.
night ladies
xx

Goodnight Kili - I'm sure this will come out in the wash - guys can be insensitive wallys at times

I'm postive your son really does love his Mum and what he said was heat of the moment

I rememebr one time i said something quite horrible to my Mum and she started laughing and chased me all round the house trying to hug me?! Sometimes some understanding of their hormonal stupidity does wonders

Take care of yourself

warehouse

Husbands back up their Wives, Wives back up their Husbands, ALWAYS. There is no other way. your Husbands behaviour is appalling, as bad as your Sons.

Kick their butts tomorrow OP.

Bennifred

I'm amazed at how many replies on here aren't condemning the lack of support for the OP!
Unfortunately, OP, I'm getting the feeling that your relationship with your OH isn't the best, and that will inevitably have a knock-on effect on your DS.
I think it's outrageous that your OH didn't pull him up on speaking to you like that. :mad: And that isn't to say that you are incapable of disciplining him yourself, just that hearing it from the other parent as well (and in no uncertain terms!) is much more effective than only from you. Your OH not telling him the language was unacceptable is tantamount to approving it imho.

To be honest, I think I'd be more angry with OH than DS over the incident! But whatever happens with OH, DS needs to know that you will not accept disrespect - I would tell him that, and be extremely cold with him until an apology is received!

thatgirlsam

Bennifred wrote: »

I'm amazed at how many replies on here aren't condemning the lack of support for the OP!
Unfortunately, OP, I'm getting the feeling that your relationship with your OH isn't the best, and that will inevitably have a knock-on effect on your DS.
I think it's outrageous that your OH didn't pull him up on speaking to you like that. :mad: And that isn't to say that you are incapable of disciplining him yourself, just that hearing it from the other parent as well (and in no uncertain terms!) is much more effective than only from you. Your OH not telling him the language was unacceptable is tantamount to approving it imho.

To be honest, I think I'd be more angry with OH than DS over the incident! But whatever happens with OH, DS needs to know that you will not accept disrespect - I would tell him that, and be extremely cold with him until an apology is received!

He might well have had words to that effect with his son by now - just because it wasn't instant doesn't have to mean that he approves

Maybe he was trying to diffuse the situation instead of wading in with his 2p's worth

He could well have taken the opportunity by now to speak to his son and tell him its not acceptable

Obviously I don't know, I am just supposing, but don't think a man should be condemned the minute he doesn't behave as his wife thinks he should

We all react differently to confrontation and arguments

red_devil

Kili wrote: »

Here is the scenario....and its a long long rant but I need to get this off my chest.

You, OH and DS (18) are planning on going for a meal but between you cannot decide where to go. All parties are grumpy and argumentative and all parties at fault to some extent.

You decide that DS's huffing and puffing and OH's stinky attitude wont make for much of a nice meal so decide to cook at home instead when DS lovingly announces "Well F**K YOU!" and marches out the door, followed by OH who then takes DS for a meal.

Several messages ensue where OH cannot see why DS should be apologising for speaking to his Mum like that because she was as much in the wrong, despite the fact that at no point in the last 18 years have I ever spoken to my child like that. OH is implying I deserved it. To my mind nobody deserves that.

I am fuming with DS (who incidentally still refuses to apologise) and fuming with OH who still will not back me on this, to the point where I really don't want to be in a relationship with a man who obviously has such little respect for me.

I know if I had spoken to my Mother like that my father would have kicked my backside from here to eternity, regardless of what my Mother had done.

To be honest I think I'm at the end of my rope with OH and the marriage and this just put the topper on it. Many many years ago whilst we were out I was abused by a lad for the way I looked, OH stood back and said not a word. I've never forgiven him for that and I'll carry that with me forever. The fact that he was willing to stand back while someone hurled abuse at me then, and then has done it yet again tonight from our own son disappoints me and sickens me to be honest.

So tell me ladies, if your son had spoken to you like that, even if you were as much in the wrong as they, what would your other halves do?

totally agree your son showed you a total lack of respect and your oh just backed him up when he shouldnt have. He should have torn him off a strip not taken him out for a meal. Its dreadful.

Im with you on this one and if you dont stop it now it will only get worse. Tell your son if he ever speaks like that to you again he is out on his backside and can find somewhere else to live.

Your oh is deplorable for going against you.

red_devil

thatgirlsam wrote: »

It is not a reward - the meal was already planned and the OP backed out, which is her right, but she can't expect the whole family to go along with what she decides at the last minute!

is it ok for a teenager to swear though cant they communicate in a more respectful way.

Melonade

Oh dear, that doesn't sound good. I'm in agreement that it is no way for a child (of any age) to speak to a parent

My opinion is that your OH should of backed you up instantly after your son swore at you. And in no way should he have taken him for the meal.

Also I think that partners/husbands/wives should back each other up no matter what. Sometimes you are wrong but never discuss or back down in front of the child. It's something that should be discussed and dealt with afterwards... without the child in ear-shot.

I would of been slapped upside the head for speaking to my Dad, Nan or Grandad like that :eek:

Hopefully you can get it sorted and get some apologies

thatgirlsam

red_devil wrote: »

is it ok for a teenager to swear though cant they communicate in a more respectful way.

It is not OK for a teenager to swear - its not ok for teens to do a lot of the stuff they do

I hate the saying 'its a phase' but teens can act like complete idiots and then grow out of it

Im not sure that most teens have got the communication skills that adults do but it can be something to work on

I just rememebr saying some awful things - in my head I knew it was wrong but it came out of my mouth anyway.. They don't mean the silly things they say

Its as if they are taken over by some mysterious teen thing.. I think its called the kevin effect

I was laughing with my SIL yesterday as my nephew is going through the Mrs Patterson stage - rude and sulky with her but nice as pie to everyone elses Mum

Melonade

thatgirlsam wrote: »

It is not OK for a teenager to swear - its not ok for teens to do a lot of the stuff they do

I hate the saying 'its a phase' but teens can act like complete idiots and then grow out of it

Im not sure that most teens have got the communication skills that adults do but it can be something to work on

I just rememebr saying some awful things - in my head I knew it was wrong but it came out of my mouth anyway.. They don't mean the silly things they say

Its as if they are taken over by some mysterious teen thing.. I think its called the kevin effect

I was laughing with my SIL yesterday as my nephew is going through the Mrs Patterson stage - rude and sulky with her but nice as pie to everyone elses Mum

At 18 years old it's only the "teen" part of eighteen that classes him as a teenager. Really he is an adult and should of outgrown the excuses of "it's a phase"