A 'what would you do' thread...

thatgirlsam

Yes thats not a nice thing to say to your Mum but then stroppy teenagers say all sorts of things they really don't mean

I bet he apologises tomorrow and if I was you I would let that be the end of it - Not because I am some sort of soft Mum but just that I can remember saying some godawful things to my Mum as a teen - Somehow all your emotions go wierd and you perceive yourself as the victim

As for your hubby, I don't know... maybe if swearing isn't a big deal to him he can't see why you are so upset?

Or he thinks you are big enough to fight your own battles - also, maybe he thinks you were really out of order for throwing a strop and refusing to go out?

lolseh

No driving lessons for a few weeks should teach him a lesson.

jakes-mum

pfft I can tell you where he can stick that idea! Unless you also used language at him then im not sure what your supposed to be apologising for?! For not agreeing to the restaurant they wanted to go to? for making a dinner at home instead? He has to apologise for his lack of respect to you.

With regards to your OH that is really a decision for you. I can't understand him not supporting you regardless of what he privately thought, a united front and all that . . .

I hope you come to a decision that is right for you

meritaten

I can remember argueing with my mum (often) and dad would ALWAYS back mum - even when she was clearly in the wrong. I have taken issue with my own OH for not backing me up - but he is of a different mindset to my dad and he would prob do the same as your OH! go off and try to appease child hoping to calm things down!

on the whole I think my dad was right............I was a wild child and mum did need dads support dealing with me! as parents you need to be on the same page or at least singing from the same hymnbook! otherwise the kids can split you up!

Kili

thatgirlsam wrote: »

maybe he thinks you were really out of order for throwing a strop and refusing to go out?

It wasn't a strop sam, I'd come to the conclusion that sitting in a pub while OH made snide remarks and DS huffed and puffed was not something I wanted to do.

I didn't stomp my feet and say 'IM NOT GOING!", I quietly and calmly explained to OH that I felt it was probably better to write off tonight and go another night when we were in a better frame of mind. I explained that I really didn't wan't to go now thanks and I would be happy to stay in and cook.

No stropping.

pigpen

Mine would have got a slap acros the chops.. as would anyone else who spoke to me like that!

why havent you told him off? It isnt OHs place to deal with conflict between you and someone else.. stand up for yourself!!!!!

I wouldnt be going out for a meal or anything else with either of them if they are so petty.
I wouldnt be cooking or washing or leaning or anything else for DS either.. if he thinks he is grown up enough to use such language to his mother he can do these things for himself. He would be told this much as well.. I would also refuse to speak to him.. other than to impart this information.. until he had apologised for being such a kn0b.. If he brought any friends home Id ask them wht their parents would do if hey said anything like that to them.. though you would probably be shocked in that most of them probably use such language on a daily basis to their parents.

thatgirlsam

Kili wrote: »

It wasn't a strop sam, I'd come to the conclusion that sitting in a pub while OH made snide remarks and DS huffed and puffed was not something I wanted to do.

I didn't stomp my feet and say 'IM NOT GOING!", I quietly and calmly explained to OH that I felt it was probably better to write off tonight and go another night when we were in a better frame of mind. I explained that I really didn't wan't to go now thanks and I would be happy to stay in and cook.

No stropping.

Fair enough

But then you can't blame them if they went out without you?

The swearing thing, I know it isn't nice and I think its really hurtful to hear your child speaking like that but teenagers are a bit weird

They think they are the victim and you and the world are against them - I clearly remember thinking that my Mum was jealous and trying to ruin my life - all the poor woman was doing was trying to keep me safe

I don't know what to think about your husband really - does he support you in other ways?

Does he swear at you?

Kili

pigpen wrote: »

Mine would have got a slap acros the chops.. as would anyone else who spoke to me like that!

why havent you told him off? It isnt OHs place to deal with conflict between you and someone else.. stand up for yourself!!!!!

I wouldnt be going out for a meal or anything else with either of them if they are so petty.
I wouldnt be cooking or washing or leaning or anything else for DS either.. if he thinks he is grown up enough to use such language to his mother he can do these things for himself. He would be told this much as well.. I would also refuse to speak to him.. other than to impart this information.. until he had apologised for being such a kn0b.. If he brought any friends home Id ask them wht their parents would do if hey said anything like that to them.. though you would probably be shocked in that most of them probably use such language on a daily basis to their parents.

I didn't get chance to tell him off, I was floored by what he'd said to be honest and by the time I was ready to tell him he was out the door and in the car, swiftly followed by OH!

OH is now at his Mothers I assume, she called earlier and asked where they were, I refused to lie so I told her. Unsurprisingly I was met with excuse after excuse "Well he'd be disappointed", after each excuse I retorted that disappointed or not he has no right to speak to me like that, but it became clear she really can't see any wrong, which explains OH's behaviour I suppose.

Kili

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Fair enough

But then you can't blame them if they went out without you?

The swearing thing, I know it isn't nice and I think its really hurtful to hear your child speaking like that but teenagers are a bit weird

They think they are the victim and you and the world are against them - I clearly remember thinking that my Mum was jealous and trying to ruin my life - all the poor woman was doing was trying to keep me safe

I don't know what to think about your husband really - does he support you in other ways?

Does he swear at you?

I'd have been happier if we deferred to tomorrow but I would have understood if they had gone without me, that part didn't bother me. What does bother me is when DS can speak to me like that then OH takes him out for a beer and a meal. Nice reward for being abusive.

Had shoe been on other foot DS would have been back in the house before his feet touched the ground and wouldn't have been treated to anything but a lecture in respect.

As for OH, he supports me when it suits I suppose. There were words between him and DD a few weeks ago which resulted in DD throwing her iphone across the room in temper (shes 14). I picked up iPhone and said 'sorry, if you have no respect for the things you have you are not having them' and went to confiscate it. OH barrels in with 'give it her back! I'm dealing with this!' which completely undermined me.

And yes, she kept the phone. :mad:

mishkanorman

Hate to say it but just because you were "quiet and calm" doesnt mean you werent being offensive or passive aggressive, so I will reserve opinion about the rights and wrongs of the barney.

I personally wouldnt expect my OH to stand between me and my son/s as you lose your authority position, I'm more than able to discipline and if they see that you rely on dad to step in they'll think you need him every time !

In the OP's position I would have said "you 2 please yourselves" and taken myself where I wanted to go, a nice enjoyable meal on my tod is much better than huffing and snipes. You cant reason with the unreasonable so sometimes its best to just not try.