Reported to social services and completely untrue

pimento

Have you spoken face to face with your neighbour? Stay calm and front her out. You'll be able to tell if she's lying.

Then you can tell her that SS have investigated and there's nothing for her to get her knickers in a twist about.

flutterby_lil

I agree with the poster who asked if it could be the children's dad.

Is the contact that is already in place done through court? If it is and a court order is in place then without going back to court he can't just change weekends if you don't agree to it.

nattyt

KiKi wrote: »

If they've left a letter saying they've had an accusation but no further action, then I would call them to find out what this means. Ie, does it go on record? If they are taking no action, then presumably there's no basis for it, in which case it should come OFF the record (if it's on it!). I'd want to know on what basis they have decided that no action is required, as I assume they've investigated. I wouldn't want that recorded against me...I'd *rather* go through an investigation to get the record wiped clean than it recorded as a suspicion.

I'd make sure you get to the bottom of what happens with that information, if I were you.
KiKi

Thanks Kiki your advice has been invaluable. I'm waiting for them to call back to see what they say regarding what you have said as I have thought exactly the same.
To the posters who put about my ex...i'm not sure if he would have the brain to do that and hes always telling me hes so glad that I am the mother of his kids and that he couldn't wish for anyone better. He also isn't malicious in that way. There is no court order in place the agreement has always been between us but hes having a solictors letter sent to make it all more formal which he doesn't know about yet hence why it probably isn't him.
I am really thinking about confronting her when I am less emotive about it all. I would place money on it being her though. She has done things like this to other people.

nattyt

Elle7 wrote: »

We had reports made about us as children - I was a child involved, and the allegations were true, but I might be able to share my understanding.

I believe the report will be on record, incase anyone else makes complaints. They won't let you find out who made the complaint - they will provide details of when it was reported and what was said if you request it under the freedom of information act, but they will remove any details of the reporter - they have the right to remain confidential.

Have you spoken to SS about whether they are happy with your 15-year-old babysitting? There is no legal age, I don't think, but the NSPCC recommend babysitters are always above 16.

Is there fighting or crying while you are gone that could have genuinely concerned someone?

It's unlikely SS will bother you again unless you are reported again, so I wouldn't work yourself up - I know what a shock coming home to those letters is, though.

Hope this has helped,

E x

I haven't spoken to SS yet at all..waiting for them to call me back. There is no fighting or crying as I always put the youngest 2 to bed first and i've asked DD1 if there ever has been. All these things have gone through my head! There is no legal age I have asked my solicitor. However as a responsible mother I leave them with DD1 because i 100% trust her and plus I am never far away.
I'm meant to be going out this weekend and have the children as its my weekend. I am now so paranoid I don't think I'll bother unless my parents can look after the children.

clearingout

but what do you gain by confronting her? Only likely to get her back up more and have her watch your every move more closely so she can find something else to report!

My ex did this to me - SS were ever so nice (and very bored!) about it and it came to nothing. I guess it will always be on record but it will also be on record that my ex is an idiot!

Sambucus_Nigra

nattyt wrote: »

I am really thinking about confronting her when I am less emotive about it all. I would place money on it being her though. She has done things like this to other people.

But you don't know this and she will know how to push your buttons even more.

CallaLily

I had the same problems with my neighbour, if you were in Wales I would swear she lived near you too! The best thing to do I found was to be totally honest with social dervices, let them view your house, answer their questions and show you have nothing to hide. They are not daft and they can work out when a case is being reported by a malicious person and when there is a real case to answer in a single visit.
We have been visited twice over the years because of reports by our venemous neighbour who hates kids with a passion (her words not mine) and both times we sat down and spoke to them, showed them around the house and let them speak to the children in private and after the one appointment they were happy the call was malicious but they have to check out any reports to be on the safe side.

pigpen

I've had SS round twice.. surprised that is all they have been TBH. 1st time a friend of a friend said I slapped the baby.. she was months old.. KH laughed at the investigating SW's and said they get away with murder.. that kind of sorted that! The last time it was a 'parent support worker' sent by the school when I had kidney failure severe SPD and was 7.5 months pregnant and very ill.. I put in a huge complaint about her to her superiors and heard absolutey nothing back.. the investigating twerp that time got OH mixed up with KH, got my name wrong and most of the childrens names were wrong too!! Waste of time that was!

It is fine leaving DD with the younger 2 in bed.. so long as she can contact you.. the only issue would be if there was an incident you are liable for prosecution/investigation (depending on the incident) as she is under 16 therefore not responsible.. you still retain responsibility.

I'd get together with the other neighbours and send a solicitors letter to the offensive neighbour saying if she did not stop with the harrassment and slander you would prosecute her... whether it is true or not it may just scare her into backing off.

DVardysShadow

clearingout wrote: »

but what do you gain by confronting her? Only likely to get her back up more and have her watch your every move more closely so she can find something else to report!

My ex did this to me - SS were ever so nice (and very bored!) about it and it came to nothing. I guess it will always be on record but it will also be on record that my ex is an idiot!

I agree. If this sort of thing starts, actually, you are probably better off if there is a whole stack of complaints from the same source - because without corroboration, it is the complainant who becomes the one under a question mark.

Zoetoes

I had 14 in my head for the babysitting age? Have I imagined it?

There's nothing you can do about someone reporting you to SS, otherwise it would put genuine callers off. I understand the frustration though, a neighbour did the same to me a few years back when my son was 7, they said I locked him out at night until gone 10pm and left him out there to cry! Also that I'd been heard saying something like 'get out you !!!!!!!'. All lies!! Unless I was saying it to OH at the time :rotfl:

I had to go in for an interview, I ended up crying and angry that someone could do something so bad just to be malicious.

And it does worry you for years to come, when I took my youngest for an xray I was thinking oh god they're going to be coming out to me!!

I wouldn't approach your neighbour, I would carry on as normal and she'll be wondering why nothing has happened, don't give her the satisfaction!!

Instead, put on some dark clothes and sneak out at night - put some maggots through her letterbox. Put some birdseed on the roof of her car. Smear egg on the windscreen. Then go to bed and sleep with a grin on your face.