The Matrix - Re-Evolution!!

clairewop

Good morning.

I have had 4 hours sleep! strolled in at 2.40 this morning and the cat woke me up at 7 :eek: ( I think he thought it was a school day) plus as I was waking up I was thinking about "make your own sock monkey kits??"

So I am going to need some crafty help over the other side please

thriftyscotslass

Greenbee I hope you have had a good sleep and are feeling a bit better this morning.

Firewalker wrote: »

People can do this sometimes; your circumstances change and they withdraw - not because they love you less but because they don't know what to do and how to adjust.

Yes, yes, yes with bells, whistles and flashing lights on.

When our lives changed so dramatically (ds's diagnosis yada, yada), I was really struggling and all I wanted was to be wrapped up in cotton wool and molly-coddled - this never happened, not once and it hurt, loads.

What I have found is that people do withdraw completely because they cannot cope with the changes in your life. In my case (which ties in with the post MG has just made) we had moved to become those awful social pariahs - people who were on benefits and who did not work.

What is interesting is that people are desperate for us to move back into their sphere so that they can relate to us and we can be included again, they ask where am I working now and is ds working. Errr no, we have moved out of the mainstream and are not going to be returning. So the outcome is people withdraw.

FW also makes the point of concentrating on whether you love these people rather than your expectations of how they should behave - I so agree that this is the way forward (because it clarifies with a brutal simplicity the people you want in your life) .

(((Hugs))) to you GB, let us know how you get on.

MG Wtg :T:T:T Hats off to you, my lady - well done for dropping a toxic individual from your life. Who knows, you may well be this lady's LBM.

You know, it is spooky how I feel the Matrix and the recent challenges are speaking directly to me. It is almost as if, they have been written specifically with me in mind which is really weird but in a good way. Guess the time is just right for me.

Serious request to mentors - I would like more on tackling feelings of entitlement and addressing "life is not fair" / "why is life so tough" eg if I don't catch myself, I can be guilty of feeling "look, we've worked hard, studied hard, done all the right things, are good, honest people - why has this happened to us"

Just to be clear, I am not blaming other people (like MGs ex-friend this morning, at least I don't think I am ). This is more about addressing childhood indoctrination of consumerism ie you do the right things, you get rewarded financially. How do you deal with this ingrained programming when it doesn't deliver. Don't mind how tough the challenges are because it is an area that needs addressing.

Wowee, a bit of a long post - sorry guys.

SunFlower

Greenbee: hope you are feeling better this morning. x

MG: what are you apologising for? That woman sounded like she had it coming, to be honest.

Am up (late) and about to have a shower. Then I'm going to clean the house from top to bottom as the cleaner has found other things to do with her time. Never mind, I'll happily pocket her pay and do it myself.

Best friend and her children are coming round later. It will be nice to see her - it has been ages - and even longer in terms of the children.

Have lots of other things to do as well, so had best get cracking.

Have a good day, laydies!

troglodyte

Morning all!

Well done MG, let's hope that person takes on board some of what you said and starts to take some responsibility for herself!

Greenbee, I just wanted to say that some people react differently if they are not feeling well - like me, for instance. When I'm ill all I want to do is stay away from everyone until I'm better - I like to see my friends when I'm on top form with plenty of energy and sparkle and we can have fun together! Consequently when my friends are ill, I tend to assume that they feel the same way and don't want to see anyone, so I stay away until they are better. It's taken me a long time to realise that many people are not like me and take it as an insult or being shunned when they are ill, rather than being given peace to recuperate. Maybe they think you want some peace and don't have the energy for socialising. If you tell them you would love to see them, then that makes the situation clear, they might just need telling what to do! That's just my two penn'orth anyway. Hope you feel better soon!

Triciaxx

Greenbee : Troglodyte speaks for me too. I curl up and lick my wounds and I don't react well to sympathy or offers of help so I assumed for a long while that everyone is the same.

Thrifty : I've come through the other end of that to feeling sorry for the poor souls who can't see beyond possessions!

MG : Well done for not picking up her monkey! We Brits don't cope well with being blunt. We were laughing with a German friend the other day who pulls our legs about our "I wonder if you would mind . . . " and how we apologise to people who bump into us. :rotfl:

To allow her to drag you down would not have helped her and would certainly not have helped you.

PS : Wish I could have seen it!

MrsMoo2U

Firewalker wrote: »

Greenbee, thinking of you. Tomorrow will be a success. People can do this sometimes; your circumstances change and they withdraw - not because they love you less but because they don't know what to do and how to adjust. If I were you I'll be thinking about whether I love my friends rather then what they think about me, or whether they are keeping in touch.

As to being ill, this is going to pass. I am fed up with feeling poorly, not being able to run, starting to question and doubt too much. But I know it shall pass; I also have the absolute support of OH - for him I suppose I come second after the boys.

It will pass, you will get better; now swim in the waters of life, don't fight. Use the time to reflect and re-examine your relationships and your life more generally. One thing I am convinced about is that there inevitably comes time when we have to make choices and commit to them. We need focus...

Firewalker

Fantastic post FW and the way that I have had to learn to become since moving away from friends and family. I started to resent that I was the one who had to make the phonecalls, write the emails and travel to visit them. Then one day I thought about who really meant anything to me. Why they might be lax at contacting me and whether that actually mattered. After all it was Me that felt the need for connection because I was feeling a bit insecure. They contact me when they think about me and in their busy lives that might not be as often as I think it should be. Once I got my head around that I whittled down my "friends" pretty quickly to the "acquaintance" list.

MG. You have nothing to apologise for. Only you can know how much it took to have your say. My best friend found that when she lost her job as PA to a Managing Director of a very successful company and became a single parent on benefits she quickly lost some of her "closest" friends. Strangely she attracted a few friends who seemed to be really helpful. By the time I met her she felt stifled as these "friends" were taking control of her life. I think I was a breath of fresh air for her as we discussed what she could do rather than what she couldnt do. Slowly she got back onto her feet. Got a great job, managed to pay off her mortgage. Funnily enough those friends who had adopted her at her low time disappeared as she was doing well. They were "born again Christians" and my take was that they liked being friends when she could be seen as a waif and stray that they were helping and it boosted their ego.

People are funny species but as long as you know what you want in life, treat people with respect and in the way that you would want to be treated then you wont go far wrong.

Hope that GB and MG days go well after the shaky starts.

Dorastar

Well done MG it isn't easy telling it like it is and we should do it more often.

Good day yesterday as I decided to relax and enjoy a weekend for a change - did the cleaning I needed to do then Doc Who and Casualty and then early night. Had to make a conscious decision to go with the flow and let go of my usual listy type day. Spent a lot of time playing and looking after Truffle (new guinea pig) and at the end of the day ds (4) said "You have been the best mummy today well done!" which left a big lump in my throat. Am changing my weekends forever now.

Souk08

Ladies, some VERY interesting stuff here today.

MG, she had that coming eh?! There's nothing worse than someone like that. Some of my staff are absolute victims and it drives me mad. I read an article this week about some entitled women waffling on about how hard her life is. I had to reply!

The friend thing is hard. My mum has lost friends over the years who were jealous of her nice house and smart kids. Their loss as she is a very wise woman, and only I know that our new frocks often came from charity shops and she herself never bought new clothes for YEARS so that we could go to activities.

I had a bit of a rift with a friend last year and it's fixed now but it made me realise that you cant get everything from one person. One of my friends is hilarious but rubbish at the emotional stuff, another is a real shoulder to cry on and loves to go dancing, yet another mothers me (when I let her), and my old uni buddy is great at listening but can be slefish and self obsessed. Im not perfect either so I take what I get from them all and give my all in return.

Mrs Moo I dont mind making lots of effort if it means I get to see them as I'm an organiser by nature but I know what you mean. My mum says that are lots of folk out ther who are happy to see you when you've a hole in your shoe but they dont like to see people getting on.

GB, I think the others might be right ie we assume others want what we want and they may not. IF you still want them in their life Id ring them and have an honest chat saying you feel down and tired but that you'd love to see them. After that it's up to them but at least you've put it out there.

Thrifty, sometimes the people you thought would be fairweather friends turn out to be really great and vice versa when the chips are down eh? I know what you mean about being a social pariah too at times. I was at a party yesterday and there were lots of lovely folk there BUT also a snooty woman who looked down her snout as I dont have hunners of letters after my name and sell frocks for a living!!!

rtandon27

Memory_Girl wrote: »

...and I snapped!!!...
...I let fire with two barrels...

Well done MG! Bravo for finding the courage and strength within you to stand up for how you feel and what you believe. Can't help but feel very proud of you!:D You are one amazing woman.

XO
RT

Dustykitten

Hi all

Loving today's posts. MG so proud of you, more people need to be told it how it is as far as I'm concerned.

Greenbee so sorry you are still feeling down. Be kind to yourself as you are and always will be your own best friend (and worst enermy).

I'm so loving being part of the Matrix, have learnt so much about myself. Yesterday as the sun was shining we had a family impromptu day out at an English Heritage property we had never been to. Grotbags didn't want to go but we took no notice and guess who had the best time of all with the cooks in the victorian kitchen reconstruction. We did this as an anniversary treat (19 yearls tomorrow) instead of going out for a meal and I've treated us to some M&S organic food (1/3 off, £1 off puddings and 15% off total bill) to enjoy at home tomorrow with a bottle of prosecco.

Off to make apple pie now with apples from neighbours garden whilst DS1 cuts the grass.