Help with working this out please

ChloeB

Why don't you mention going out and meeting his friend. If he really is telling the truth there will be no reason why you can't meet them. If he makes excuses then you'll know there is something up. Personally I think he is probably in a relationship hence the only work hour contact.

Dee123_2

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

Nickybat - Have a few days off work next week, looks like Il be making a little trip to his home town, Il be asking him tomorrow if he would like to meet up and see what he says.

Obviously, it would be so much simpler just to sit down and have a chat with him. He sounds like he's hiding something but god knows what, nowt so queer as folk.

If, however, you need an action plan, I'd go for the above and try to meet him for lunch. IInsist on meeting in the office reception. Let him choose where to eat but see how far away from the office he takes you. And how he reacts if you sit outside and try to kiss him in public.

MissShoes

Caring for your dad wouldn't interfere with sending text messages- is he suggesting every friend in his life cant text him after 5?

KnightSmile

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

I am hoping that I may get a bit of help with a situation I am in, basically I met a man through an on-line dating site 2 years ago.

Now said man doesnt answer texts after 5pm or at weekends, his reason for this is that he cares for his dad who is not very well and whatever, and that he doesnt want his dad to know that he is seeing someone as his dad will think that he will leave him on his own...yes I can hear you saying he's married but he has stayed overnight, the whole night, at mine, and we havent always had sex(sorry) when he has been to see me, if he was married that is all he would come for surely, it is a long way to travel for just a coffee!!!

My own gut feeling is that he is telling me the truth but by the same token if something doesnt sound right it usually isn't true, I mean if he is, I feel bad for putting the boot in but if he's lying then that is not a nice thing to lie about, considering that he knows I lost my own dad. I havent seen him for the last 2 years like this, I broke it off twice before, had my own issues to deal with, but now we are back for a third time, so your opinions please, and by the way if I find out he is married it will be goodbye for the final time, I dont mess with married men.

Thanks Jade

Sounds like whatever is going on, the fact is you are in a part-time relationship. Now, if this is something you are content to be in then clarify if he is telling the truth and keep things how they are.

If, however you want to become a bigger part of his life than you need to bite the bullet and communicate with him directly.

Good luck on your decision. Choose whatever is the right thing for you.

marywooyeah

I also think he is in a relationship. what stood out to me is you have known this man for 2 years, but havent always been together for that whole time. he says you can't contact him after 5pm and theres massive areas of his life he is keeping hidden from you.
I just wondered what it is about him that makes you want to be with him, its a lot easier for an outsider to say oh break up or cut him off etc but when its you in that situation it can be difficult.
I would ask him straight out: what is it he wants out of this? where is this going?
how can you know what to do if you dont even know where you stand with him?
you need to get some straight answers out of him sharpish! x

FBaby

I was going to suggest the 192.com too. You can put name and town and will indicate age range. I did this after my second date with my partner, I thought he was too good to be single!!!

I also think it is almost probable he is playing you. He might have answered no to the 'married' question because he isn't married but is in a serious relationship. There are no good reasons why he couldn't talk to you after 5pm.

hayleythedaisy

Even if he's not married it hardly sounds like the romance of the year, I'm sure if he really wanted to he could communicate by text, you seem like a very reasonable person who would understand if he didn't reply straight away.
Get yourself back on match.com!

Miss_Voodoo

If you've been "together" for a total of 9 weeks + however long since you last got "back together" I think you have to ask yourself if this is worth the hassle and potential heartache.

And as you said yourself:

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

I am in no rush at the moment to get into a relationship as I have things at home that would make having one difficult

carefullycautious

If he has lived all his life with parents maybe he is sexually inexperienced (only op knows this) and socially not able to comit. It does happen

You can find out if he has been married via genes/Ancestry.com doesnt cost to check if you know his name and location.

Maybe his father is a demanding old so and so. Could be any eventuality

ellie101

OP, there is a chance this guy is lying. I don't really like posting such personal stuff.. even if this is the internet.. but having been lied to about something major it really screwed me up afterwards, wouldn't want it to happen to someone else. There may be an innocent explanation but I'd suggest sounding him out with a chat.

Several years ago. I met someone who told me they were living with their brother... He then moved in with me but would also stay at his "brother's" who was really his long term gf (yes, I know, I know, I can't believe put up with this now). Which stopped eventually as he split up with her. I only found at the finer details as the next year she came knocking on my door and told me the whole story, one of her friends had seen us in the street and told her. Turned out that after their "break-up" he'd got in touch with her yet again, and she believed they were still together/working things out.

I honestly deluded myself into thinking that there couldn't be someone else, as no other woman would put up with him staying somewhere else (despite him doing it to me and me putting up with it). He told me so many other lies too, including possibly having cancer. I think he was also on gay sites trying to meet men (he told me his gay brother had put him on there as a "joke", and me being deluded I thought someone wouldn't tell me that if they were actually doing it).

I did actually meet his brother and friends later on, so again, I deluded myself into thinking he couldn't lie as why would he introduce me. After I found all this out I looked him up on 192.com, and there it was, his girlfriend and him linked. She had the mis-fortune of seven years with him. I honestly think he was a sociopath/had tendencies as he used everyone around him, including family.

And it may well be that your partner does have issues he needs to work out and he's not married, but there is nothing wrong with questioning him on details and talking this through. I made the mistake of not doing any of this. I had some pretty big issues at the time of my own and I think he took advantage of this. Good luck.