Help with working this out please

JadedAngel88

I am hoping that I may get a bit of help with a situation I am in, basically I met a man through an on-line dating site 2 years ago.

Now said man doesnt answer texts after 5pm or at weekends, his reason for this is that he cares for his dad who is not very well and whatever, and that he doesnt want his dad to know that he is seeing someone as his dad will think that he will leave him on his own...yes I can hear you saying he's married but he has stayed overnight, the whole night, at mine, and we havent always had sex(sorry) when he has been to see me, if he was married that is all he would come for surely, it is a long way to travel for just a coffee!!!

My own gut feeling is that he is telling me the truth but by the same token if something doesnt sound right it usually isn't true, I mean if he is, I feel bad for putting the boot in but if he's lying then that is not a nice thing to lie about, considering that he knows I lost my own dad. I havent seen him for the last 2 years like this, I broke it off twice before, had my own issues to deal with, but now we are back for a third time, so your opinions please, and by the way if I find out he is married it will be goodbye for the final time, I dont mess with married men.

Thanks Jade

paddy's_mum

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

if I find out he is married it will be goodbye for the final time, I dont mess with married men.

But for all you know, that is exactly what you have been doing!

Do you know anything about him at all? Where he lives, whether his Dad even exists, what he does when he's not with you.....all the things that go to make up a proper relationship!

I'm afraid my own instincts for self-preservation and personal safety would have compelled me to be a lot more curious about the facts than you appear to have been.

Hope it works out for you and that he has been telling the truth.

NickyBat

As soon as i started to read your post, a voice in my head was screaming "he's married"!!!

If he was truly just caring for his father there is still no reason why contact between couldn't carry on, if you texted or phoned at an inconvenient time he could just contact you a bit later.

You say you met through online dating, so he clearly has access to a computer, do you not email, skype or msn each other?

Has it always been like this since you met - no contact after 5pm i mean?
After 2 years together, have you never been to his, met his father and family?
Have you never contacted him on a landline is just a mobile number you have for him?
Sorry to say, My gut feeling is he is he is without doubt married

DVardysShadow

Do you know where he lives? You are not supposed to, but a quick inspection of the Electoral Register may provide the smoking gun.

JadedAngel88

Ok, he did tell me where he works and lives, but I cant remember that now. He has called me a couple of times and I did hear a male old voice in the background calling his name. We used to talk via yahoo but only when he was at work, I dont think he has a computer at home.

As for searching for him on electrol thingamy, he has a very very common name, I could be searching forever, and is it really worth that much effort... Thanks for your replies so far.

Annisele

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

Ok, he did tell me where he works and lives, but I cant remember that now.

My partner has told me lots of things about himself that I've subsequently forgotten. If I want to know them, I ask him again - it's no big deal! To me, the fact that you seem reluctant to ask where he lives and works is more of a red flag than any of the rest of it.

paddy's_mum

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

is it really worth that much effort...

Only you can answer that but in fairness, why ask the question in the first place if you not actually bothered enough to make any effort to sort out the uncertainties for yourself?

Unfortunately, I seem to have mislaid my magic wand ...:)

emsbet

My initial reaction, like those posters above, was that he's married.

It is always possible that he is telling the truth but even if he is where is the relationship going and what do you want from it? Does his dad have a terminal illness or is he just old and unable to take care of himself? I know this sounds insensitive but it could potentially be years before this guy is free of the responsibility of taking care of his dad. Could you wait that long before you had a proper relationship with him? Do you know if that's what he is ultimately thinking will happen for you both?

I think you need to decide a) if you really think he is telling the truth and b) if it is all worth it in the long run even if he is

xx

NickyBat

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

Ok, he did tell me where he works and lives, but I cant remember that now. He has called me a couple of times and I did hear a male old voice in the background calling his name. We used to talk via yahoo but only when he was at work, I dont think he has a computer at home.

As for searching for him on electrol thingamy, he has a very very common name, I could be searching forever, and is it really worth that much effort... Thanks for your replies so far.

So how do you intend to get to the bottom of it and find out?

JadedAngel88

Paddy's Mum - I see what your saying, maybe I dont want to know the truth, as I see it at the moment, Ive gained and lost nothing, I tend to over analyze everything anyway so this is probably what Im doing here. I will find out tomorrow what is going on until then, Il just be wondering. Thanks for you reply.

Emsbet - I am in no rush at the moment to get into a relationship as I have things at home that would make having one difficult, and no Im not married just my daughter has phobic anxiety and her needs and everything come before mine.

Nickybat - Have a few days off work next week, looks like Il be making a little trip to his home town, Il be asking him tomorrow if he would like to meet up and see what he says.

sock-knitter

no texts after 5pm or weekends, sounds married to me.
and yes married men, do sometimes travel a long distance for coffee, as i've found out myself in past, after meeting on the internet, the guy i met lived 80 miles away, and still came for coffee, turned out he was married, thank god i found out, before we had got as far as having sex