"Simply not solvent!

hypno06

Glad you had a good day yesterday. Have a good day today.

Seaxwyn

I'm feeling sorry for myself again so need to park those negative feelings so I can get on with the day.

I sometimes hate myself for moaning about my OH on here, as he is basically a good man etc etc but I admit I feel :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: with him today.

Today I have to pay £385 cash to the decorator (I paid him £500 a week ago). There will be another £235 to pay on Friday. The insurance money has still not appeared in OH's account and even when it does (and I won't be confident til I see it) I can't make him pay me back the full amount I've paid as he has no other income due til october and various bills to pay.

So basically the insurance money has become 'his' money and I am paying for the plastering and redecoration out of my earnings.

I'm really exasperated.

Also he's proving completely useless at entertaining the children. I am working my butt off these holidays and he is idling away on his usual misguided pursuits. The main person who's helping with childcare is my 71-year-old mother.

I'm glad I'm getting plenty of work but I'm also stressed that I have managed to save NOTHING for tax so will have another big bill to pay in January.

It feels hopeless and I wonder why I don't just let it slide and going on a DMP. Oh no, I can't even do that as I don't have any regular income.

Right I'm posting and I hope nobody reads this as I hate being a whinger but I couldnt start work until I'd got it off my chest.

Sea78

Oh MASSIVE hugs to you Seaxwyn - honey it's always fine to come on here and moan about OH - you know how often I do it. I can understand your frustration completely. What does he say about it? Is there any other work he can get in the meantime, or is he too proud to get more 'menial' jobs?

I do hope that the day improves - is there anything you can do for yourself today to pamper yourself at all? I wish we lived nearer each other - I could bring my kids round - your lot would certainly be entertained by them at the moment lol! I think DD actually believes she is royalty at the moment:D

Anyway, rant as much as you like - it's what were all here for!

Sea xx

Seaxwyn

Thanks Sea, I knew you would understand!

He does feel really bad about it, but he seems to have a paralysis about actually doing anything. For example we have various things he could ebay, he has said he'd do it for ages but he just doesn't get round to it. When I remind him he just gives me this hunted look and says he's too busy.

He spends hours and hours on his computer, reading various blogs, and posting on his own. I can't complain of course with the amount of time I've spent on here.

The children are completely neglected, he is skulking in the shed feeling terrible and I am sitting here exploding with rage and only getting half the work done I could if I concentrated.

Not good. Roll on October when (fingers crossed) he will be teaching four days a week.

se999

Hi,

Sorry to here it's a bad day.

Don't know if it might help, but have you tried the 'negotiating joint action list approach'. Where you work out what actions you'll both do for the week, and tick them off as you do them. You can include things like so many blocks of time you spend working, and items like household work etc..

That way you both see how much the other is doing. I know it sounds silly but with working from home it's sometimes easy for partners to not realise how much you do. This makes it a bit more transparent, and also sets targets for you both.

If he's into computers and games, you could set it up on chorewars

Hope the day improves.

Sea78

How are the kids feeling about it? I know your twin DDs are 13(aren't they?) what about the others? Perhaps you could take an hour in the morning to do something concentrated with the kids - start them off on an activity etc. and then you might not feel so helpless? I know he should be doing it, but like my OH, he's not so we have to do everything! Just an idea - might not work for you at all. He might see them doing something and help?

Big hugs- what's your plans for today?

Sea xxx

Seaxwyn

Thanks you two for the suggestions.

OH is resistant to lists and nagging. I do try and encourage/enforce task lists with only some success. I'll keep at it and try to find a way that motivates him.

My mum has taken DS so we just have the three girls here today and they are brilliant at entertaining themselves. They're all upstairs doing DD3's hair into hundreds of tiny plaits right now, this has kept them occupied for a good hour.

The problems arise when DD3 and DS are both here, as they wind each other up constantly. But they're really so easy to entertain. I will have to prepare OH to do something with them tomorrow as I have to work flat out.

Luckily for me, I have masses of work so while I hate not being with the kids in the holidays, I think it's best that I work.

OH did take DS to a local farm on Monday, he's not all bad. He just needs constant chivvying and reminding when he's in charge.

ZTD

Seaxwyn wrote: »

I sometimes hate myself for moaning about my OH on here, as he is basically a good man etc etc but I admit I feel :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: with him today.

If he was perfect all the time, then he'd most likely turn out to be a psycho killer (C'est ce que?)

Seaxwyn wrote: »

Also he's proving completely useless at entertaining the children. I am working my butt off these holidays and he is idling away on his usual misguided pursuits. The main person who's helping with childcare is my 71-year-old mother.

Well he needs to be told. Don't go tell him late in bed, when he can't do anything about it - he'll forget - start telling him when he can do it.

In short: Say nothing until you can use the word "now". Then tell him - and use it.

hypno06

Morning Seaxwyn, I missed your last batch of posts - I hope things are feeling better now all round.

Re bashing your head against a brick wall/one step forward two back/do I give up and go on a DMP etc etc, I know exactly how you feel. A month or so back I even got as far as ringing CCCS to ask for my options, but am very glad that I stuck with the snowballing, even though the numbers are not tumbling in the way that I want.

Remember how much further forward you are than you were this time last year. Ok, so we still have a long way to go, but we have come a long way and we can't afford to forget that.

I hope you have a good day. Just a thought, I can't remember if you have tried matched betting yet? If not, the footie season is about to start and there is a good amount of lovely free money to be made. Perhaps OH could give it a go too?

Seaxwyn

Hi Hypno, thanks for the message and encouragement.

I have had a real low few days but feel much brighter this morning.

Things are tough as OH is not working but I know I can keep us afloat on my own, even if not paying off the debt very fast. From October he should be working regularly and we can resume overpaying (I hope).

I have masses of work on this month, lots of it with big responsibilities, which is stressing me out. I know I could charge more for what I do if I valued myself more, that's something to tackle when I feel less stressed about life in general.

I am frankly too chicken to try matched betting as I would be too scared of messing up. Also I usually have problems just getting through my freelance work, so I don't need any more time-consuming distractions! I have looked at the thread but it just boggles my brain so I've regretfully decided to leave that to you clever folk.

Well it's a sunny day and I hope its a successful and low-spending one for all my dfw friends