"Simply not solvent!

Seaxwyn

Thanks everyone - and thanks for the generous offer buddiebabe, I'm sure your place would be home from home!

My current plan for the free flights is to go to Amsterdam with an old friend, then take a 12 Euro train journey to wageningen and stay with another old friend for a night or two. Just need to coordinate dates and stuff.

In ideal circumstances both Scotland and Paris would appeal more than the Netherlands, but I'm happy with my plan as it will be so nice to see my friends again - they are really fun and positive people.

It has brought it home how bad my relationship with OH is, as the 'obvious' thing would be go to Paris with him - a place we both love and where we spent a lot of time in the past. But we have no conversation now except nagging and resentment and really I just would hate to spend the time with him. That's sad but true.

hypno06

No, No, the OBVIOUS thing would be to go to Paris with me me me me me!!!!!!!

taxi73

Sorry to hear how bad your relationship is.I think you really need the break and that it will do you good.I do hope one day you can find some inner peace as you seem so unhappy at the moment.

buddiebabe

I think a break will do you and your OH the world of good. Sometimes you just need to get away on your own to put things into perspective and if your friends are really positive then you'll start to feel a bit better about yourself and about things.

I hope things start to look up for you soon

Buddiebabe x

chevalier

Seaxwyn wrote: »

My current plan for the free flights is to go to Amsterdam with an old friend, then take a 12 Euro train journey to wageningen and stay with another old friend for a night or two. Just need to coordinate dates and stuff. Yes I think you need to have a break, and this will make it as cheap as possible.

In ideal circumstances both Scotland and Paris would appeal more than the Netherlands, but I'm happy with my plan as it will be so nice to see my friends again - they are really fun and positive people. So hopefully some of that positivity will rub off on you......

It has brought it home how bad my relationship with OH is, as the 'obvious' thing would be go to Paris with him - a place we both love and where we spent a lot of time in the past. But we have no conversation now except nagging and resentment and really I just would hate to spend the time with him. That's sad but true.

Ok so what should you do about this. You know that at times I have felt that your OH is more of a liability than a help (sorry if that is brutal). You said that he is 'focussed' on his college teaching - I take it that means the doing cartoon frames to sell on ebay went out the window then?

I am going to quietly and respectfully suggest that you check out entitled to and see what benefits you would get if he wasn't there? And to think about how your children would react if you asked him to lead. You are only here once. If resenting him is sapping all of your energy, then surely it is affecting your creativity, your belief in yourself, your self esteem etc.

Perhaps you need to take this break, and REALLY think about if this is how you want the rest of your life to be. Your OH is unsupportive of you in all ways. Sorry.

And sorry if this is hard to hear ((((((hugs)))))
chev

Karmacat

It is sad but true, isn't it .... it seems that once you've lifted your nose from the grindstone because of this free travel opportunity, the gap between you and OH has really come into prominence. I don't know if the two of you can close that gap, or even if you both want to, but I'm sorry its got to this. I hope you can go to the Netherlands and enjoy the time with your friends, in place of Paris - its a great little country, after all. Let us know when you book it!

lucielle

Hope you come back feeling full of va va voom for want of a better expression.
L

Seaxwyn

Thanks everyone.

First things first, Virgin Wines have found my voucher and 12 bottles of red wine are on their way to me now WOO HOO! I haven't had a glass of wine since 24th January (not that I'm counting or anything).

Netherlands holiday now a little uncertain as the friend in Wageningen can't put us up. The cheek! He says his studio flat is too small and we'd have to stay in a hostel. Back to the drawing board. But I'll definitely do something with my other friend, she is a tonic to be with and I know a little trip with her will buck me up no end.

Just got a couple of emails with more work for the next month or so - phew!

Chev, I hear what you are saying about my OH, and I am the first to admit that he is really really annoying in lots of ways. But I wouldn't split from him - I know the children would be devastated. It probably doesn't come over in this diary but he has a lot about him that's good, and he's a great father. He used to be the most positive and energetic person around, he has lost that and sunk into a slump, instead of berating him all the time I should be helping him to rediscover his spark.

One final positive note - DD3 and I went to a talk yesterday by a young man who cycled round the world. This was part of a local council push to promote cycling. He was very inspiring! His powerpoint was peppered with quotes of the 'If you can dream it, you can do it' variety and he reminded me that life was for living, and made me determined to get out of this rut.

taka

Seaxwyn wrote: »

I would so love to quiet those 'voices in the head' - the constant circular worrying drives me mad sometimes! Will definitely try it.

I tried mindfulness and it has really helped me. I still get stressed etc but I find it soooooooo much easier to "let go" of worries and troubles now and also to pay more attention to the little things in life that can bring so much joy (the colour of the leaves, the taste of a piece of food, the texture of a piece of fabric - things you just don't notice/pay attention to most of the time). I did a course (on the NHS :T for an ED). I also have this book and it also has a section at the back with an 8 week plan and CDs of a bodyscan, 3 min breathing space and several 10 min short mindful meditations which was very similar to the course I was on.

One final positive note - DD3 and I went to a talk yesterday by a young man who cycled round the world. This was part of a local council push to promote cycling. He was very inspiring! His powerpoint was peppered with quotes of the 'If you can dream it, you can do it' variety and he reminded me that life was for living, and made me determined to get out of this rut.

:T Things like this can be so inspiring - I feel like I've just been existing rather than living for years and now feel like I have woken up! There is so much I want to do, see and experience... :j I was told the following quote once...

You can't fly with one foot on the ground!

Its so true to how I have been - too scared to try things for fear of failing... No more... :j

GettingThingsDone

Seaxwyn,

I should be helping him to rediscover his spark.

I'm sure you can think of a few ways of doing that (whoops, sorry, that's the red wine talking...)

gtd