Advice please Husband swearing at our child

pmlindyloo

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I wish I'd been the first to see your post, and to advise you not to tolerate this. So many women put up with this kind of rubbish, if you don't know it already then let me tell you, a life spent in fear is no life for you and your kids.

Your husband has the mentality of a child and the cruelty of a psychopath. Let him inflict himself on other peple by all means, but not your children, they are far too precious to destroy in this way. Leave him now and save the kids a lifetime of resentment.

From one who knows.

Whilst I respect this point of view I am not sure that this totally fits the description the OP has given of her OH.

They have been together 23 years and we don't know whether this has been the situation all the time ( I hope not :cool: )or whether it has built up over some time.

I do not have any sympathy with cruel or manipulative people. I do try to understand the reasons behind certain behaviour.

OP - does your OH have a stressful job? I know when I was working full time all I wanted when I got home was peace and quiet - a safe haven from the stresses of the day. Now before anyone shoots me down I know looking after children is a stressful job and I know some men have no idea and I know some men are selfish etc etc.
But surely the key to all this is communication and a bit of give and take.

You need to be able to tell each other how you feel, take it on board and work together. If the OP's husband likes it tidy and peaceful when he gets home then everyone should try and go some way to accommodate this - I don't mean letting one person rule the roost but making sure everyone respects everyone else - in other words compromising.

So, OP, can you talk to your OH? (perferably in quiet peaceful surroundings) and come to some understanding of how your family 'works'.

I know I said life is too short and I meant that, but also it is worth trying to save a marriage if it can be saved.

VfM4meplse

pmlindyloo wrote: »

So, OP, can you talk to your OH? (perferably in a quiet peaceful surroundings) and come to some understanding - all of you, including the children?

People who's default setting is to shout and terrorise tend to lack any element of reasonability. I wouldn't even bother to negotiate, after 23 years he's not going to change so something else needs to.

xlittlemissx

make_me_wise wrote: »

OP I am sure it is not easy to read all this and take it in. Please come back on here when you feel ready and let us all help you. Thinking of you hun.

Its not easy to read but I needed to. Its not like a penny dropping but a gradual realisation of the place I find myself and my 2 lovely boys in. I think I have being trying to pretend everything will be ok when clearly it isnt, today I have realised this. Thank you all for caring enough to reply, I am going to go away and get my head around things. Am going to sign off now as I am crying too much sorry!

Thanks again

lm xx

VfM4meplse

xlittlemissx wrote: »

Am going to sign off now as I am crying too much sorry!

(((Hugs))) xxx

pmlindyloo

VfM4meplse wrote: »

People who's default setting is to shout and terrorise tend to lack any element of reasonability. I wouldn't even bother to negotiate, after 23 years he's not going to change so something else needs to.

You may well be right.

Unfortunately, we only get part of the whole story. Things may be worse or better than what we've read.

In the end the OP will have to make the final decisions as to what she does next.

For my own part I was trying to give a balanced point of view.

I realise that many people base their contributions on their own experiences and this, sometimes, leads to picking up on odd comments and focussing on one aspect and not the whole picture. I can imagine that people who have suffered at the hand of manipulative and cruel people would not wish anyone to suffer the way they did and so pass on their opinions.

However, these opinions must not deflect from looking at the whole picture.

The OP will, I'm sure, will have been grateful to have different opinions and, as I said before, she will make her decisions based on her real knowledge of her marriage.

I'm sure we all wish her the very best.