Advice please Husband swearing at our child

xlittlemissx

Hi there,

Just wanted some advice as this has just happened. I am a long term lurker on here and know I will get sound advice. Wanted to post now before I convince myself this is acceptable.

Bit of history, together 20 years, married 3 years, 2 children. My husband can be moody and I have accepted this is just him. He can be really cutting with some remarks he makes but always pretends its a joke. Today I have just come home from work to our youngest child whos eight telling me that he has been crying his face off because daddy shouted and swore at him over tidying his bedroom. DH was throwing some of his stuff out (his bedroom is a mess) and son said he wants to keep some things, DH shouted at him "you can sort this out your f*****g self I'm f******g sick of you" and stormed downstairs.

I have just come in DH has stormed off to go fishing "he was waiting for me to come in - he was all ready and waiting for me, this probably irritated him as he has been itching to go".

I'm so confused I dont know what to think anymore (been feeling unsettled for some time), I just want to hug my son, at the moment I hoping for a freak sea wave (how awful is that)

what would you do - honestly.

lm xx

Lotus-eater

xlittlemissx wrote: »

what would you do - honestly.

Speak to him gently later when we are alone, ask why he did it and that it can't happen again. You are not going to bring up your kids like that.

SkintGypsy

It is not acceptable to swear in front of young children. It is understandable at times, and I'm sure we have all done it to some degree, but it is definitely not acceptable to swear AT a child. Very wrong indeed. Sounds like the man has anger management issues.

I would definitely have strong words about his threatening behaviour.

CH27

Talk to him when he returns & tell him you don't wan't your child brought being sworn at.
I know kids can push you to the edge but swearing like that at an 8yr old is unacceptable.

Lozzy88

swearing is one of the signs of loosing or losing (sp?) control of the situation he needs to give his head a wobble before it gets to that stage again and walk away before it gets to that stage, we all get stressed and have bad days hopefully (providing you make it clear to him) this will be a one off and your children wont have to be sworn at again.

if YOU have been feeling unsettled for a while then thats a totally different issue basically yous both might need to put some work in to the marriage to see if its what you both still want.

nickyhutch

While the swearing itself is unacceptable, the sentiment - "I'm sick of you", to an 8 year old - is horrid too (worse, in my opinion). Definitely don't convince yourself it's ok; have words with him.

xlittlemissx

Thanks for the quick replies,

This isn't the first time, its not happened alot before but has a hand full of times, dont know why but this time seeing my son so upset while he goes out and enjoys himself has really angered me. Will approach him later. I'm sure he will word it in a way so that it was all DS fault. Will let you know thanks again.

lm xx

BitterAndTwisted

It's only going to be five minutes before that eight year-old thinks it's OK to use the same kind of language himself. If that's not a compelling reason to discuss this quietly and reasonably when he gets back I don't know what is.

Still, I'd be loathe to accept at face-value anything an upset eight year old tells me about things that happen when I'm not there. He may have been more upset about the risk of having his precious junk chucked out than the language.

Lotus-eater

Doesn't matter if it's DS fault or not. One of them is an adult and one a child. It's that simple.

1echidna

You can huff and puff, but ultimately what can you do about it? I am no fan of swearing under any circumstances but I know for some it is just part of their everyday language. I would doubt that he has just suddenly become this way?

BitterAndTwisted

"All DS's fault"? He's only eight ferchrisssakes! In that relationship it's the grown-up one who is responsible both for over-reacting and behaving with unkindness. Sounds like you've got more kids under your roof than you thought.