Advice please Husband swearing at our child

xlittlemissx

lozzy88 wrote: »

if YOU have been feeling unsettled for a while then thats a totally different issue basically yous both might need to put some work in to the marriage to see if its what you both still want.

I think I needed to hear this from someone impartial, there are more issues. Thankyou

lm xx

nickyhutch

1echidna wrote: »

You can huff and puff, but ultimately what can you do about it? I am no fan of swearing under any circumstances but I know for some it is just part of their everyday language. I would doubt that he has just suddenly become this way?

Seriously? He's just told his 8 year old son he's "sick of him" - you think that's ok, swearing or not?

Lozzy88

there sounds like theres more issues and this is the straw thats broke the camels back in terms of thinking about yours and your childrens future

xlittlemissx

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Still, I'd be loathe to accept at face-value anything an upset eight year old tells me about things that happen when I'm not there. He may have been more upset about the risk of having his precious junk chucked out than the language.

I did consider this so checked with our older child without putting words into his mouth - he repeated the same word for word.

lmxx

xlittlemissx

1echidna wrote: »

You can huff and puff, but ultimately what can you do about it? I am no fan of swearing under any circumstances but I know for some it is just part of their everyday language. I would doubt that he has just suddenly become this way?

I hate the swearing every other word thing. Its not our everyday language, probably why its upset DS/me so much.

lm xx

billybluehat_2

Families aren't always easy to be in, but i don't think there can be any excuse for swearing at an 8 year old. It does help to talk if you can convince him to speak with a professional.

make_me_wise

xlittlemissx wrote: »

Hi there,

Just wanted some advice as this has just happened. I am a long term lurker on here and know I will get sound advice. Wanted to post now before I convince myself this is acceptable.

Bit of history, together 20 years, married 3 years, 2 children. My husband can be moody and I have accepted this is just him. He can be really cutting with some remarks he makes but always pretends its a joke. Today I have just come home from work to our youngest child whos eight telling me that he has been crying his face off because daddy shouted and swore at him over tidying his bedroom. DH was throwing some of his stuff out (his bedroom is a mess) and son said he wants to keep some things, DH shouted at him "you can sort this out your f*****g self I'm f******g sick of you" and stormed downstairs.

I have just come in DH has stormed off to go fishing "he was waiting for me to come in - he was all ready and waiting for me, this probably irritated him as he has been itching to go".

I'm so confused I dont know what to think anymore (been feeling unsettled for some time), I just want to hug my son, at the moment I hoping for a freak sea wave (how awful is that)

what would you do - honestly.

lm xx

If this is a first then I would speak calmly to your husband about the swearing. You dont mention in your post how old your son is. Probably old enough to remember and repeat what he hears I am guessing.

Say to your husband that your son goes into a new class from September. Ask him what impression of your child and his home life the new teacher will gain if your son starts saying 'f.....g this and f.....g that', if something doesn't go his way in class. Will be somewhat embarrasing if your son says 'oh thats how daddy talks to me'. I am a teacher and have heard that far more times than I wish to remember.

I phoned one parent to discuss her sons foul language in my class. Her response to being told her little darling swore was ' Look here love, I dont know what you b....y mean, my xxx never f.....g swears at home, he must be picking up the f.....g bad language at your school, now p..s off I am busy'. Unbelievable, but I genuinely think this daft brush of a woman had no idea that nearly every other word she spoke was a swear word. It had clearly become second nature to her.

You are understandably annoyed and concerned by this. Putting it across in a way that introduces a thrid party may make your husband consider his actions and the repercussions there could be.

xlittlemissx

lozzy88 wrote: »

there sounds like theres more issues and this is the straw thats broke the camels back in terms of thinking about yours and your childrens future

This is how I feel and i'm scared. Don't know if I am just looking for the justifying issue iykwim?

lmxx

Lotus-eater

xlittlemissx wrote: »

This is how I feel and i'm scared. Don't know if I am just looking for the justifying issue iykwim?

lmxx

Regardless to everything else, this is one issue that in my (and your) mind, needs to be sorted out. I would stick with this for the moment.

make_me_wise

xlittlemissx wrote: »

This is how I feel and i'm scared. Don't know if I am just looking for the justifying issue iykwim?

lmxx

Just to clarify OP, are you scared being in the relationship or of being out if it?