Advice please Husband swearing at our child

xlittlemissx

make_me_wise wrote: »

If this is a first then I would speak calmly to your husband about the swearing. You dont mention in your post how old your son is. Probably old enough to remember and repeat what he hears I am guessing.

Say to your husband that your son goes into a new class from September. Ask him what impression of your child and his home life the new teacher will gain if your son starts saying 'f.....g this and f.....g that', if something doesn't go his way in class. Will be somewhat embarrasing if your son says 'oh thats how daddy talks to me'. I am a teacher and have heard that far more times than I wish to remember.

I phoned one parent to discuss her sons foul language in my class. Her response to being told her little darling swore was ' Look here love, I dont know what you b....y mean, my xxx never f.....g swears at home, he must be picking up the f.....g bad language at your school, now p..s off I am busy'.

Thankyou for this - you deserve a medal in your job!! He's 8 years old. He knows these words are wrong already. When he was telling me he said "daddy said I'm beeping sick of you" he actually censored his own sentence beacuse he knows its wrong!!

lmxx

xlittlemissx

make_me_wise wrote: »

Just to clarify OP, are you scared being in the relationship or of being out if it?

Both, scared of making the wrong decision when its not just my life thats affected.

lm xx

BitterAndTwisted

The moodiness and the cutting remarks indicate a manipulator. And now he's bullying and frightening your eight year-old child. Time to have a think about what kind of family life you really want for your children.

make_me_wise

Bless him, I work with eight year olds. How is he in himself now? Children can get very scared by comments that adults see as easily dismissed and a heat of the moment reaction.

Being told by his dad that he is 'f.....g sick of him' would have been pretty horrid I would think. He sounds like a good kid to me. Might help when you are discussing this with your dh to mention that his 8 year old censored the comment as he knew it was wrong.

xlittlemissx

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

The moodiness and the cutting remarks indicate a manipulator. And now he's bullying and frightening your eight year-old child. Time to have a think about what kind of family life you really want for your children.

I know you are right I just needed to hear it from someone else - I dont seem to be able be trust my own thoughts/judgement at the moment IYKWIM.

lm xx

scooby088

Swearing has always been a part of modern language and i am affraid that you will not be able to stop children from listening to it or using it. But what you can do is limit it's use around your children in your home and i would just have a word with your husband when he gets back. I for one don't see it as losing anything if you swear and can be quite legitimate when you us it properly.

All i am saying is it too bad that your husband swore as his child??

make_me_wise

Do you walk on eggshells round your husband? Are you unsure which mood he will be in next and adapt your behaviour to please him? Would it be out of order to suggest that there may be a level of emotional abuse being suffered by yourself and your children?

xlittlemissx

make_me_wise wrote: »

Bless him, I work with eight year olds. How is he in himself now? Children can get very scared by comments that adults see as easily dismissed and a heat of the moment reaction.

Being told by his dad that he is 'f.....g sick of him' would have been pretty horrid I would think. He sounds like a good kid to me. Might help when you are discussing this with your dh to mention that his 8 year old censored the comment as he knew it was wrong.

Thank you he's playing with his brother now. He is a lovely boy with a kind heart and wicked personality. Going to talk to DH later.

lm xx

xlittlemissx

make_me_wise wrote: »

Do you walk on eggshells round your husband? Are you unsure which mood he will be in next and adapt your behaviour to please him? Would it be out of order to suggest that there may be a level of emotional abuse being suffered by yourself and your children?

yes,yes,yes and I dont know? just thought he was quite self centered, but his mood definately dictates the mood of the whole house which I hate.

This will now probably sound stupid to most but I thought this is how most families are (not the swearing).

lm xx

1echidna

1echidna wrote: »

You can huff and puff, but ultimately what can you do about it? I am no fan of swearing under any circumstances but I know for some it is just part of their everyday language. I would doubt that he has just suddenly become this way?

nickyhutch wrote: »

Seriously? He's just told his 8 year old son he's "sick of him" - you think that's ok, swearing or not?

I just think it is better not to up the ante and tension with the result that the 'nuclear' option becomes inevitable. After all in the event of divorce he could still gain access to the boy and be able to say many things, including swearing, at him. Sometimes what looks bleak today can look very much better in a few days time.