Horace's Biting the Bullet Diary

Horace

The call with my mum went quite well, yes she did tell me off for being a miserable s*d (I suppose I can be), she offered me lunch and I refused because I don't want to be a bother. Dad is still v.poorly (is it mean of me to wish that he would die?), I don't want him to die but he has been ill for quite some time now and I know that in 2002, we were told that he could die at any time and he is still here. There is no chance of recovery.

We talked about the African Violet plant that I bought around about March time and how hers and mine have flowered pretty much continuously ever since. She told me how she went to Aldi too and bought some cylamen in there for very little cash. We also talked about hairdressers and the cost of them and she has promised not to nag me because I have said that I am in desperate need of a cut and need to have colour to cover the grey but as the hairdresser costs me over £100 then I have had other priorities. She told me that she tends to go somewhere on Mondays on their pensioners day so gets a cut, colour and finish for around £30 (oh to be a pensioner).

She happened to mention two jobs that she saw in the paper and I have since been online to look at the website and found that there are in fact 4 jobs I can apply for at the same place. This would be ideal because they are in Bromsgrove and I can get there by bus or car.

Maybe my parents are not so bad and that the way they make me feel is in my head? I love them both - in their way they love me too but they have always been rather aloof and somewhat critical. I know why mum is critical - she went to grammar school and her dad did not believe in education for women so instead of going to university she ended up at the Austin where she met dad, her standards have always been too high and I know that I have not been able to achieve those standards.

She told me that she had a slow cooker that she no longer used and that if she had known then I could have had hers..still I have mine now which although small is adequate for me.

I am having a mass clean of my flat too - I need it to be spick and span because I am sick of it looking a mess. Need to get shut of the books that twerp left, out of date law books that are just sitting here gathering dust (he fished them out of a skip at the MHRA), they need to be skipped.

Aesop

Horace wrote: »

Need to get shut of the books that twerp left, out of date law books that are just sitting here gathering dust (he fished them out of a skip at the MHRA), they need to be skipped.

My DH's mum makes sarcastic remarks at him and me. At first I thought it was me.. post baby, very sensitive etc but it is her. She continuously makes sarcastic remarks at DH. Even he said I think she is putting me down saying this, and I have to pretend, no, no she means it like that, you are interpreting it wrong. Knowing full well she does mean it badly. :mad:

But you have said your Mam is highly critical not being able to go to University herself. So maybe she is not so bad. Just being sensitive may change a situation.

I know the law books are out of date and therefore really no good but have you checked Amazon, ebay, etc to see if any have sold recently and for how much?

Horace

Me and mum are too alike that is the problem I think - I revert to child when I am around her because she speaks to me as though I am 5. There are things that I did as a very small child that I haven't been forgiven for and there are things that she did to me that although I have forgiven her, I didnt speak to her for 4 weeks (she sold my knee length red hair, it was cut into a bag and went from being very long to very short:mad:).I never went to University either despite having the brains - I just couldnt pass exams despite knowing the work:mad:

I admit that I haven't looked at Ebay or Amazon re these books - can't imagine that anyone would want them, they are so old I don't think they have ISBN Numbers. One set would look great in a library, the other set are rather old and tatty.

MatyMoo

One of my Mum's sayings was "I love you, but I don't always like you". I find it applies to anyone that you love!

I didn't always have the best relationship with my Mum and she was always quite critical. I used to find out from friends of the family how proud she was of me!

I would give anything to have her back now

Aesop

Horace wrote: »

I admit that I haven't looked at Ebay or Amazon re these books - can't imagine that anyone would want them, they are so old I don't think they have ISBN Numbers. One set would look great in a library, the other set are rather old and tatty.

you have been doing so well with ebay, I would not be surprised if you post to tell us you have sold them all.

chevalier

i feel for you who have difficult relationships with parents. i had a similar problem with my dad. kind of a mutual incomprehension thing going on. now he has passed away, and i find that actually we were more alike than i realised for sure. but hard to do anything about it now though

Millie2008_2

An old counselling tutor of mine used to say "parents, they F*** you up...discuss" and discuss it we did

I adore my Mother, I really do, but after 4h in Worcester today when we had gone to look for clothes for me and she ended up dragging me round "her" shops, I could have quite happily suffocated her with her House of Fraser bag :evil: But when she is finally gone, I know I will miss her like hell and would give anything for her to drag me into Wallis for the nth time.

I may have quoted this at you before, but something I always remember from another counselling tutor was along the lines of "people tend to do the best they can at any given time, with the resources they have" and when I think of stuff from my childhood that my Mum could have done differently, I quote this back to myself (it also helps when I am beating myself up for mistakes I have made in the past).

Another thing I have learned along the way re. relating to people is that once you are in a pattern of relating (parent- child/child-parent), it can be quite hard to get out of it, buuuuuut (moving into the realms of relationship counselling here) if one person in a relationship changes the way they relate, the other person has to change, because it can't stay the same. I was locked into a pattern of relating to my mother, whereby she'd be passive aggressive, I'd do anything to keep her happy, but was resentful, then one day, I thought "sod it" and decided not to take part in her little mind games. What followed was a strop on her part, but since then, things have got better, as I simply refused to go back to my previous pattern of relating to her (easier said than done and takes time...) I do love her really

Funny though- my Mum said earlier "your hair is a mess and needs cutting". So some things never change (It is a mess and I keep it in a pony tail as I can never be a*sed to do anything with it)

Hope you have had a good day! I am about to remove the remote control from J's hand and find some or other rubbish to watch on TV

Horace

Yesterday I attended a Forever Living Success Day - I am seriously considering selling it and building a team, what I like about it is that they have free training courses and that I can keep earning and my estate keeps earning long after I have passed on. It cost me petrol to get to/from meeting place and that was it because my chum paid for my ticket which included a sandwich lunch and she bought me a cup of tea...I had £6 in my purse. Forever products are good and they come with a 60 day moneyback guarantee, plus they have lots of free training for people which is a good idea because some just take your money and leave you high and dry.

Today, I went to see my parents - taking with me a book that I borrowed from mum but I never finished it, a bottle of Zoflora Hyacinth disinfectant, 2 books (my first edition !!!!!! Francis that I picked up for a song at the charity shop), 1 book came home with me along with my 1961 map of Birmingham which caused some amusement for dad.

I had an adult conversation with my parents today as well - which resulted in a little cashbook being given to me (mum has cashbooks for housekeeping and credit cards that she notes everything down in). She had a whinge (rightly) about my £4K debt to Virgin CC (did not tell her about Amex whom I have an agreement to pay £36 a month to so that I can keep my card at the end of 12 months). The upshot is that she gave me a cheque for £2K and when she has moved money about in two weeks' I can have another cheque for £2K which looking at the bill will leave me with £115.26 to pay off.

I had a cooked dinner at home too - but poor mum was distraught because the steamed syrup pudding refused to cook so she ended up nuking it and it turned to rubber but I said that at least her custard wasnt lumpy...we had a laugh about it. Mum gave me £150 cash to be used to put petrol in the car and to get my hair done.

We picked fruit too - with mum using the step ladder and me holding on for dear life. I came home with 2lbs of Laxtons, 2lbs Comice Pears and 2lbs of Conference Pears - poor mum has several lbs (I guesstimate that she has 4stones weight of fruit in the garage) she has given loads away, there are too many bird pecked windfalls and too many on the trees that she cannot pick because she hasnt got the right kind of ladder - we have never known such abundance in 45years.:eek:

I didnt realise how much my parents had been worried about me and I came home with 12 loo rolls, and food for my freezer and store cupboard. Didnt have the heart to tell her that I am not overly fond of bananas because I was sent home with 4 of the things.

They have also suggested that I put my furniture into storage and go and live with them and get myself sorted out with a divorce because they don't want him getting half of everything because there is a lot of have half of.

Only one ebay item sold everything will have to be relisted again:mad:

beanielou

Thats great that your mum has given you some £££'s and some other bits n bobs.
You should at least have a seperation agreement.
How would you feel about moving in with them for a time?

Millie2008_2

Echo beanielou - so kind of your parents and I can't imagine it was easy to accept their help, esp given how you relate sometimes, but it sounds like they love you lots and just want to help, because they can.

How do you feel about moving back with them?

Friend sells Forever products and seems to do well out of them, so it's got to be worth a shot, especially considering your experience and it is a v well established company

Am still lurgified, but we must do coffee when I am germ-free xx