Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

LydiaJ

treliac wrote: »

The fact that you have those fantastic friends says everything we already know about you LydiaJ.

Aww thanks.

treliac wrote: »

I understand what you are saying about your mum having dementia. My dear nan had that too; her loss was an eventual release. I am so sad and so unable to accept losing my mum because she should not have died and she lost her life because of the inadequacies of the health service.

I fear we have come to expect that our health service will serve us well and that is no longer the case.

Oh treliac, how awful. I'm not surprised you feel raw. Preventable death is the pits. (((Hugs)))

I'm usually all in favour of knowing the truth, but actually I'm rather glad I had more than 18months to come to terms with the situation before I had enough information to understand how preventable LNE's death was. (The NPT is abbreviating late-nearly-ex now.) It just shows how different circumstances can be: in our family's case, the NHS (1 ambulance service, 3 hospitals and a GP) were exemplary, but there were other organisations whose action/inaction led to his death.

ETA I originally typed "In LNE's case the NHS...." but now I reread that in the light of day I realise that's misleading. The only NHS who dealt with him were the ambulance service. He died at the scene after the fire brigade and paramedics spent an hour and a half trying to cut him out of his car without doing any more damage to him. The traffic policeman told me, though, that while of course they always try their best in these cases, it was immediately obvious to anyone with experience that he hadn't a hope of surviving. The 3 hospitals and GP that I mentioned were the ones who dealt with DS and his injuries.

vivatifosi

treliac wrote: »

Has this been posted yet? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOzR3UAyXao&feature=related

Welcome back tre! Haven't seen that before, very funny and extremely scary.

PasturesNew

My old's passing was bizarre and I was right in the thick of it and even now I'm held back and haunted by it all. My sibling's pursuing the notes of the hospital admission just prior to the old returning home for a few days before going to the Hospice. There were huge errors it seems.

I am still confused/dazed, having got to the end of it all, that we knew nothing about the state of the old. Nobody tells you anything. On the telly etc it's like "somebody" tells you what's going on, somebody cares. I was struggling to 'nurse' the old at home, feed/meds, but had absolutely no idea that the old had been given some leaflet (we found it during the big clear out after the old's death) that explained their initial meds and foods to eat etc. We didn't know about the leaflet because the old went to Hospital, was told "you've got .... here are some meds" and sent home. And the old was clearly too stunned to read the leaflet/get it out and just suffered from day one with taste changing and hating the taste of food.... and it all went downhill.

There were no "groups" or anything to discuss anything with. The old went to various appointments for scans/results: in, out, home. We had a "M" nurse, who was useless - she turned up in the old's final month, went through his painkillers, said she'd be back at some future point but was going on holiday; she then came a second time. But she was a twee-type "How are you feeling?" then off really. Nobody sat and said to us "This is what's going on... this is what you can expect ... this is how it works...."

The "M" nurse visited when the old had (we now know) demanded to be released from hospital - "M" said she'd see in 2-3 weeks if the old could go into a Hospice, and it was the district nurse (2nd visit) who got the old referred urgendly (within the hour). We've since found out the old shouldn't have been at home; we didn't know the old had demanded to be let out of the Hospital - and that coming home shouldn't have been an option. And there were many errors in that releasing too, many. This bit all happened during the 4 days I was away.

And I just think "did we miss something, was there a net we slipped through...?"

LydiaJ

(((hugs))) Pastures.

I can relate to what you say. With Mum too, we have found that parts of the NHS that deal with physical illnesses tend to operate on the assumption that the patient themselves ought to be able to handle information and decision making, and they're often not good at dealing with adult patients who can't. When Mum had her emergency colostomy (in 2009), she spent time afterwards on a surgical ward for people with problems with their digestive systems. The staff there were great with the problems that their ward was for, but fairly clueless about the adjustments to her care that would be necessary because of her dementia and Parkinsonism. There was no consistent provision, for example, for the fact that when she had recovered enough to be able to eat, she still wasn't able to feed herself, or interested in eating more than a tiny amount without coaxing. My amazing dad went in three times a day to feed her her meals.

Davesnave

I'm banking on a death like my Dad had; totally without warning, with a fit young nurse on each arm saying, "Righto, Mr Snave, now let's get you really comfortable!"

Yep, I know he wasn't able to appreciate it, but still, way to go!

Sorry if this sounds tasteless. It's not meant to be. Like Lydia, I knew that my parent was not going to make a proper recovery. When it came, the moment was actually a blessed relief for all concerned, not an unhappy time at all.

The slow stealing away of older people's real selves is far, far sadder. When the end comes in those circumstances, we find only that we were left behind a long time before.

silvercar

Ther was an article in The Times this week about best practice in dealing with informing and treating patients with terminal illnesses. It talked of always making sure the patient has someone with them, preferably taking notes. It said the information is too big and too shocking to be absorbed in one hit, so should be broken down into little bits. The Doctor should summarise key facts at the end.

When my parents see Dad's consultant, I speak to them separately after and the information they have each picked up sounds like they are describing different patients!

neverdespairgirl

Davesnave wrote: »

Sorry if this sounds tasteless. It's not meant to be. Like Lydia, I knew that my parent was not going to make a proper recovery. When it came, the moment was actually a blessed relief for all concerned, not an unhappy time at all.

The slow stealing away of older people's real selves is far, far sadder. When the end comes in those circumstances, we find only that we were left behind a long time before.

I agree, Dave. My Nanna, my paternal grandmother, had a stroke while my mother was pregnant with me, and was desparate to live long enough to see the baby. In the end, she died when I was almost 21.

But the last 7 years she wasn't "her" at all, and in reality, she died when I was 15. A series of small strokes over a year destroyed her "self" completely.

All of you who have lost or are losing parents recently, especially PN and Lydia, have my respect and love. I haven't had that experience (and am in absolutely no hurry to go there). OH's parents both died within weeks of each other when I was pregnant with Isaac, so I have had some albeit indirect experience of the trauma of it.

My Granny lived until she was 88, and until a week before she died, was entirely compos mentis, and until 12 hours before she died, was still herself, then slid gently into sleep, then a coma, then died.

My Dad wrote of her, shortly after she died:

Margaret was particularly impressive in her reaction to widowhood, old age and declining health. She adjusted without complaint or self-pity. She must indeed have been frightened by her heart condition, but remained cheerful, positive, outward-looking, and always good company. She was disciplined in her personal habits; her stiff 6 o’clock whisky and water was her only vice (so far as we know).

In the end, she died peacefully, ten days before Christmas, aged 88, having retained all her mental faculties until a few a days beforehand. In her stoic, brave acceptance of the unrelenting cruelties of time, she was a magnificent example to us all. We shall all miss her deeply, but as we mourn her, we celebrate a full and exemplary life, now come to its natural end, with gratitude and love.

silvercar

Money saving news.
BT announced rental increases. So Just decided to pay for LIne rental saver for a year. (reduces line rebtal from £14.20 to £10 if you pay a year in one go). Go to do this online and find that if I sign up for a year's contract at the same time I save a further £3.15 a month on features. So my total saving is over £90! Had to agree to paperless billing to get this.

Amusingly BT send an SMS to my home phone confirming paperless billing. Don't BT recognise a non-mobile number?

Doozergirl

Davesnave wrote:

The slow stealing away of older people's real selves is far, far sadder. When the end comes in those circumstances, we find only that we were left behind a long time before.

my mum was only 45 when she died but it was the same. My memory of 'her' without some slowly, ever diminishing part of her by illness is so vague now that I almost find it hard to believe she was ever here at all. That is what makes me saddest.

The time of her death isn't the time that I mourn now. Not to say that the relief wasn't mixed with as much grief, it was just grief that had been bottled really.

I'm very sorry, Lydia, I wish I could stop it for you.

michaels

BT are also going to increase prices again by dropping the paperless billing discount for those who don't pay annually. For some reason they also give me free evening calls as well as weekend for the £120pa and with free caller display this actually make sit cheaper than the 'best-buy' deals with primus especially as free off peak also includes 0845/0870 and they don't block over ride operators for daytime calls although generally I use my mobile for daytime calls anyway. For any other services such as broadband though they are prohibitively expensive.

Do any NP know anything about buying mattresses? They seem to have different names in each store for the same brand and product so it is impossible to do price comparisons. Some are 'half price' but seem to be similar prices to others with equivalent sounding features that are full price. I want a matress for the spare room that won't be used that often but will hopefully have any visitiors thinking this is comfortable rather than 'next time we book a hotel' - obviously I'd rather spend between 1 and 2 hundred rather than 1000...