Benbenandme's Next Installment ...

benbenandme

He goes every other weekend, for the last couple of years (before he went inside) his visits have mainly consisted of taking the dogs for a walk and playing on the playstation mixed in with playing games on his iphone :cool:

redcurlypanda

As the title says, I'm not a parent so apologies if what I say is totally off the mark!

Though as an avid reader of your amazing diary it appears that DS's behaviour (the expulsion from school) has taken a turn for the worse since 'the crim' has re-entered his life; so for his & your sakes the happiness of your family unit needs to be preserved as best you can.

Could DS write a short story (helping his schooling) about his clubs & what he does there & what he likes about them to show why it would be disruptive for him to miss them?

As I say just a thought, didn't want to 'read & run' as the phrase goes but not really sure I had anything constructive to say either!

Fingers crossed it all works out right in the end.

RCP

x

benbenandme

Having given it all a lot more thought, I have come up with a possible solution, and I think I am being more than reasonable yet again, thoughts please

Crim has requested visits from fri 6pm - sunday 3pm. Currently ds does drama on sat mornings and will be playing football matches on sunday mornings. My suggestion is that he moves to a midweek drama session (have emailed them to ask if he can move), and therefore ds doesn't have to give up drama but also he gets more of his weekend uninterrupted. However, I still request that he brings ds down here on a sunday morning in time to play his football match. He can take him to that, watch him, and then bring him back at the normal time in the afternoon.

I think I'm being perfectly reasonable here but please tell me if you don't agree Just hoping now that they don't reply to say the midweek session is already full Hopefully it will be okay as its from the new term in September, so hopefully by then some kids would have moved up to the next class or left. Let's see ...

pinkladyof66

yes that seems fine to me ben ben i would think that is more than amicable

benbenandme

Thanks PL, the other contentious issue is the handovers; here's the background ...

When crim left us he moved 30 mins away to live with gf. 2 years later I moved 100 miles back to where I grew up. Crim drove down here to get ds, and when he returned him we met in the forest, about a 30 min drive for me and a 45 min drive for him.
After I was arrested I was advised not to see him / speak to him so handovers were complicated. I also objected to paying for fuel when he contributes nothing financially to ds. It meant that he collected and returned ds from my home as I live upstairs so he would text when here and ds would go down the stairs and he would meet him at the bottom, hence we didn't have to meet
He has now requested that I meet him at the train station (15-20 min drive) and once he gets a new car that we go back to meeting in the forest (for collection and return, used to only be on return).

I may be being unreasonable but I don't see why I should foot the fuel bill when he still owes the csa £1000 and pays no maintanence for ds?? Opinions please as to what you think would be reasonable here I have a feeling I will have to back down on this but don't need yet more financial pressure because of him and his sorry little life :mad:

beanielou

Great solution~hope it works out.

Edited to add I dont agree that you should have to bear the financial burden of crim seeing his son.
What are CSA doing about his maintenance arrears?
Should something not be taken off his benefits at the very least? :mad: :mad:

benbenandme

The csa cant do anything until he's released but even then I dont think theres much they will do. He was on benefits before he went inside, and they said usually they have to pay £5 a week, but because ds stays there overnight 4 nights a month then he doesn't have to pay as he needs that money to provide meals etc for him while he's there :cool: Like I don't need to provide for him the other 27 days of the month .... :mad: :mad:

pinkladyof66

i dont think that you should be out of pocket when ds visits his father you shouldnt have to foot the bill what a bl00dy cheek. i would say get a taxi or bus from the train station to your house.

beanielou

When is he due out?

Just think he will be getting legal aid to fund this!!!

benbenandme

Next month Beanie, but yes, its all via the taxpayer. He told me that he doesn't care that I have to pay for it all (cant get legal aid due to equity in my property), he's doing whats good for him :cool: :cool: I pointed out that once again its ds that suffers, as if I spend my money on solicitors then its money I can't spend on him but that didn't seem to bother him :mad: :mad:

According to ds he's also qualified as a personal trainer while he's been in there too, it definitely seems to be the place to be :cool: