Benbenandme's Next Installment ...

pinkladyof66

benbenandme wrote: »

and just to !!!! me off completely I've just received a letter from a solicitors from the ex :mad: :mad:

oh gosh is it bad new again ben ben :eek:

benbenandme

Its a letter saying ...

1. He wants me to confirm that once he's released he can see ds from 6pm friday - 3pm sunday (already explained to him ds now does drama on sat mornings, so either he will have to bring him back for that or collect him after it. He will also be starting football matches on sunday mornings in Sept, so that will further complicate it), but as far as I'm aware a court would say that the child is the priority and he will need to fit in around childs life rather than the other way round.
2. I need to send them a copy of school report and medical letters
3. He wants parental responsibility (did ask him to do this 7 bloody years ago)
4. He would like phone contact at x,y,z times (as has been happening for 7 sodding yrs already!)
5. Would like xmas arrangement formalised (26-27th dec)
6. Would like ds for one week every summer
7. I am not to communicate with his mother!!!! Like I want to ?!?!?! I've accomodated them while he's inside the cheeky !!!!ers
8. If any dates need changing I give enough notice!! I have NEVER changed a bloody date, its always him!!!
9. Handovers are to be done at train station (15 min car journey) until he gets a new car, then I am to drive 30 mins each time
I get 14 days to reply and they advise I get a solicitor to help me - like I can afford that!!!

No mention of the £1000 he still owes the csa of course!!

Can you tell I'm !!!!ed off!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

pinkladyof66

benbenandme wrote: »

Its a letter saying ...

1. He wants me to confirm that once he's released he can see ds from 6pm friday - 3pm sunday (already explained to him ds now does drama on sat mornings, so either he will have to bring him back for that or collect him after it. He will also be starting football matches on sunday mornings in Sept, so that will further complicate it), but as far as I'm aware a court would say that the child is the priority and he will need to fit in around childs life rather than the other way round.
2. I need to send them a copy of school report and medical letters
3. He wants parental responsibility (did ask him to do this 7 bloody years ago)
4. He would like phone contact at x,y,z times (as has been happening for 7 sodding yrs already!)
5. Would like xmas arrangement formalised (26-27th dec)
6. Would like ds for one week every summer
7. I am not to communicate with his mother!!!! Like I want to ?!?!?! I've accomodated them while he's inside the cheeky !!!!ers
8. If any dates need changing I give enough notice!! I have NEVER changed a bloody date, its always him!!!
9. Handovers are to be done at train station (15 min car journey) until he gets a new car, then I am to drive 30 mins each time
I get 14 days to reply and they advise I get a solicitor to help me - like I can afford that!!!

No mention of the £1000 he still owes the csa of course!!

Can you tell I'm !!!!ed off!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

oh i am sorry ben ben i do really feel for you. What a B@stard he is. Try not to worry too much about it. I know it is hard but you dont want to ruin your last few days before you go back to school.

benbenandme

I'm still feeling sooo stressed about this, I just don't know what to do for the best. I actually don't have an issue with most of the requests, most are exactly how it is already anyway (eg phonecalls), and the not contacting his mother will be a pleasure! In fact, it was me that requested they stop phoning me when he went to prison as they wanted to call me every day to see how ds was! :mad: :mad: The problem is going to be about his weekends as ds now does activites at weekends, but I am not saying he cant see him, just that he needs to ensure ds gets to his activities on his weekends, which he won't agree to as he lives an hour away and wont want to come backwards and forwards. I think a court would say that ds activities have to be accomodated but I can't afford to go through the whole solicitor / court route, it costs thousands that I just dont have. I am not entitled to Legal Aid as I have too much equity in my flat, but I cant access that and what with him not contributing a penny towards ds how the hell am I supposed to afford solicitors?? Maybe I should go and nick £23k like he did :mad: :mad: :mad:

beanielou

Can you maybe just write back & agree to the things already in place & say can have him Fri- Sun but DS needs to be a dramma on Sat's which ids good for his emotional development & which is paid for by term & in advance.
Also raise the issue of non paym,ent of maintenance.
It doesent have to be done through a lawyer.

Smart_Mart

benbenandme wrote: »

I'm still feeling sooo stressed about this, I just don't know what to do for the best. I actually don't have an issue with most of the requests, most are exactly how it is already anyway (eg phonecalls), and the not contacting his mother will be a pleasure! In fact, it was me that requested they stop phoning me when he went to prison as they wanted to call me every day to see how ds was! :mad: :mad: The problem is going to be about his weekends as ds now does activites at weekends, but I am not saying he cant see him, just that he needs to ensure ds gets to his activities on his weekends, which he won't agree to as he lives an hour away and wont want to come backwards and forwards. I think a court would say that ds activities have to be accomodated but I can't afford to go through the whole solicitor / court route, it costs thousands that I just dont have. I am not entitled to Legal Aid as I have too much equity in my flat, but I cant access that and what with him not contributing a penny towards ds how the hell am I supposed to afford solicitors?? Maybe I should go and nick £23k like he did :mad: :mad: :mad:

One option you may have is to enlist a "McKenzie friend" who can assist you with the paperwork and court appearance. I'm not 100% sure of the exact circumstances they can help you with so it might be best googling them but worth a try. I'm most likely going to go down that route soon in my situation; if I learn any more then I'll let you know.

The other option is to be a LIP, a Litigant In Person. Basically, you stand up and represent yourself in court. Risky strategy but as you are articulate and can remain cool under prssure, this is another live option too. It will still cost you to begin with but a lot less than employing a lawyer.

Re the activities; again the courts will want compromise on both sides, I think. My ex wanted the boys back on Sunday mornings which interfered with their football matches and Social Services said that stability was the key so she had to compromise and have them on Sunday afternoons instead.

benbenandme

Thanks guys, he is aware of ds activities and the reasons for them, I did suggest to him a while ago that he collect ds on a saturday monrning after drama but clearly he doesn't like that idea :cool:
Mart, I may agree to compromise and ds could give up one of the activities, but I dont really see why he should have to do so, he needs the social skills development and to interact with his peers, especially as an only child. Most of his friends belong to two or three different clubs / activities and I don't see why he should have to give one up just to suit the crim? :mad:

Smart_Mart

Obviously the main difference is that the twins always have each other even if they often look like they wish they didn't whereas Benben as you say needs the social interaction that other children would bring him.

I didn't mean that he should give up either of his activities, more a case that the crim should have him at different times of the week. You "should" be in a position of strength in that you are the stable, calm, resourceful parent while "you know who" is a "you know what".

After all, it is hardly fair that because he lives away and has also gone away, your lad misses out on what is a big part of his growing up just because he is too !!!!less to make a bigger effort for his son. It's a bloody good job he has you as a role model, that's for sure.

vasseur

Oh benben i really feel for you here. I would be stressed out getting a letter like that. I reckon it's partly worded like that to get you wound up. Why should ds suffer just to accomodate the crim's needs. Selfish !!!!

Lots of good advice there from beanie lou and smartmart. Do you think you could represent yourself? You are articulate and intelligent and could probably put your side of things across far better.

I reckon a letter back putting across your side of things would be a good start.

Jaspersmum

Hello

I only ever seem to de-lurk to rant about the crim!!

I was just wondering what activities he had lined up for DS instead of the ones he was already doing, if I remember rightly I seem to remember him dumping DS on the Grandparents and going out with the girlfriend that DS didn't like!!

I would want to know exactly what his plans are, he obviously has too much time and legal aid on his hands at the moment and I think when he gets out he might not be quite as keen.

Does he get to have DS every weekend or every other?