i want to cry

Guinea_2

Okay, okay so I relented yesterday and cleaned the bathroom!:mad: Did he notice? No he did not and believe me...me cleaning it showed a BIG BIG difference!

Debbie_S

My favourite quote is "You teach people how to treat you".
I am lucky that my husband does most of the housework and always has. It's important to say what you need and if nothing changes I would take the hint. My MIL bought and wrapped her gift from FIL this year. I'm so glad it doesn't run in the family. It's now time to focus on you and answer your daughters questions as they arise. Stop worrying about everything else.

MrsTinks

delhome wrote:

i havent told u all everything. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 wks ago. im only 34 so it was a bit of a shock.my daughter doesnt know as i didnt want to ruin her christmas.my mam and dad died of cancer 9 wks apart and my daughter life fell apart when they died.I thought my partner would make more of an effort to help. he doesnt agree that i havent told my daughter but i hope n pray i will be ok and she doesnt have to know.im due to have my masectomy on the 10th january. i have only had one chemo session and havent lost any hair yet. i know i should tell my daughter but i cant.she always says that something she loves goes away and never comes back. i dont want her to worry.what should i do

The choice of telling her or not is yours and no-one elses - your partner can't make the choice and neither can anyone here, it has to be yours We can tell you what we think but ultimately it's your choice, your daughter and your life But... how much energy are you using on worrying about her finding out? And if you told her would she be able to help you through it? Support you and help with the house work? Is she old enough to be a support to you? Maybe this could bring you even closer if she realises you need her? Just some thoughts...

Hope all goes well for you on the 10th

kay41_2

I hate Christmas a) because it is so over the top and in your face and b) 'cos it's bloody hard work for women. I told my 6 year old that Christmas was cancelled this year (what a meany I am) and that we weren't to mention it until December. Then Daddy told her it was OK he would do Christmas, so I explained to her that if he did we would have loads of food, but probably no presents or Father Christmas.

This year (hubby runs his own business) I wrote and sent out his corporate Christmas cards, did all the shopping including buying the turkey for him to cook at this mum's house on Xmas Day, did all our 'family' christmas cards, spent Dec training a girl to take over what I do for his company from me, so I can actually keep the house clean and tidy, worked 2 days per week in another job, put up with him always being too busy or too tired to talk to me day and night, did his accounts, did stuff for my daughter's school including helping at Xmas Fair, making stuff for it, making nativity costume etc. Cleaned and tidied the house for Xmas, put up and decorated the tree, bought, paid for and wrapped up my own Xmas present.

He on the other hand worked 7 days per week, and most evenings, and went shopping on Xmas Eve after having a lie in until 1pm! This didn't include a present for me. He shut the company on the Thursday and isn't supposed to be working again until next Wednesday. Naturally it hasn't worked out like that and he has only NOT worked on Xmas Day.

The only good thing has been that I haven't cooked for anyone. Hubby and MIL cooked on Xmas Day, Boxing Day at friends and I contributed wine and a homemade quiche, brother and wife brought a joint of beef and all prepared veg to ours on Wed and we supplied wine and kitchen, today is my parents (late Xmas Day with them) and tomorrow take away curry with friends.

The one thing he did was 3 days before Christmas he arranged a hairdo for myself and my daughter in a really fancy salon, me cut and colour, her cut plus all the tea/juice we could drink and loads of mags to read - bliss. Oh and we didn't pay.

Have I anything to complain about? I'm not sure, but I feel really !!!!ed off and glad it's nearly over and won't happen again for another year. Just the bills to face in Jan...

I just feel a bit sad when I know he hasn't even read the Xmas cards, and it would be nice occasionally for him to get a present for me that I haven't chosen.

Planning my summer holiday now...

kay41_2

I've only just read what delhome and fluff wrote - to both of you I send loads of love. Delhome, I really hope it works out for you and he realises what you are going through. Fluff - really sorry to hear - what a time of year. My problems are nothing in comparison.

loveandlight

Originally posted by delhome
i havent told u all everything. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 wks ago. im only 34 so it was a bit of a shock.my daughter doesnt know as i didnt want to ruin her christmas.my mam and dad died of cancer 9 wks apart and my daughter life fell apart when they died.I thought my partner would make more of an effort to help. he doesnt agree that i havent told my daughter but i hope n pray i will be ok and she doesnt have to know.im due to have my masectomy on the 10th january. i have only had one chemo session and havent lost any hair yet. i know i should tell my daughter but i cant.she always says that something she loves goes away and never comes back. i dont want her to worry.what should i do

How old is your daughter? How supportive is your OH now that he knows about your current health condition? Listen to your instincts as to what you should do. Your instincts know best. If it doesn't feel right to tell your daughter yet, then don't tell her.

I was in a similar situation myself last year and didn't tell anyone for a month. I also had to get used to being told that I didn't have long to live. I didn't tell tell my 8 year old son as I didn't want him to know until I knew for certain if I had any chances of survival after my hospital op. He was much too young to cope with something like that without me knowing for definite my survival rate. In the end, it was all taken care of and I now have a clean bill of health. Just hang in there and keep the faith. As someone said previously, the survival rates are very high now.

Dumyat

Delhome I am so sorry to read this news. no wonder you are feeling annoyed with him.
Only you can judge what to tell your daughter. you must tell her though - she will find out in other ways and you might end up worrying her more. http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/talking_with_children_0.pdf
I wish you well with your op.

Gina_of_course!

Delhome..

Having been through breast cancer twice (dont be alarmed at the twice.. I have a heridatary gene) and subsequent mastectomy.. I can add to the other good advice on here.. please dont let housework or the apparent laziness of your OH be the focus of what your inner struggle is about..

You have had enough to contend with regarding cancer and now is the time to pull in all resources available, use macmillan support centres at your hospital for being able to offload your worries and concerns..

If you ever want to shout and stamp your feet whilst im on line please pm me and I will give you my details..

Take care of yourself.. you are very precious.. even if you arent acknowledging it at this moment.

(btw http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/d...children_0.pdf) is an excellant source of information.. I used it to discuss with my then 7 & 9 year old niece and nephew... who also may have the gene... this was three years ago )

Gina_of_course!

And incidentally... this is only my experience but take all the pain relief you are offered in hosp... having had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiotheraphy 11 years ago.. I opted for as little as possible.. the 2nd time when i had my mastectomy I had the lot... and found it easier to cope with...
Am going in for mastectomy on other side sometime this year... (due to 80% risk) and will definitely opt for more rather then less pain relief..

beanielou

delhome
Huggles to you.
Only you know what is right for your sutuation.
Take lots of care