i want to cry

kay41_2

I watched a programme recently about using dog training techniques to get your hubby to do more around the home - it may even have been that lady Victoria whatsit. It was very funny and it worked, all about giving little treats each time they do something and words of praise and thanks all time.

A bit like you do with a child, thanks darling that was really helpful, how could I do without you, what a huge help you are, you are so useful etc etc.

I might try it if I've got the energy!

CFC

Delhome and Fluff - very best wishes and a prayer for you both.

More on the subject of men - I think that their mentality is that Stuff Just Happens. On the whole they don't care about presents, because if they want something they just go and buy it. On the whole, Stuff (including food) is either There or Not There, in which case they'll go and have something like a bowl of cereal or a tomato sauce sandwich or some other abomination.

Remember that they are like dinosaurs as well as like dogs...the evidence for how unevolved they are is phsyiological (sp?had a bottle of champagne so not sure right now LOL) - their reproductive organs and their excreta organs both have the same outlet. How primitive is that???

So they need training, with kindness or with pain, but kindness is much more effective, as with dogs. Remember a man NEVER says 'I should do so-and-so, it needs doing, X would really appreciate that'. In his mind he thinks 'I never do what I don't want to do , therefore she is doing all THAT because she wants to do it. So what's the problem?'

If they do ANYTHING for you it's because they love you so much that their little heart thinks 'If I do Y, she'll be happy' and that makes them feel sooo manly they'll expand their chests and feel realllly pleased, because only a real man can make a woman happy.

THEREFORE - always make the association for them. Remember, like dinosaurs they have tiny brains.

SAY

Please do X, it will make me happy if you do.
Please give me X, it will make me happy if you do.

preferably use the Big Eyelash Flutter technique with it, or the Flirty technique, or the hand on the arm and Innocent Look technique, or whatever you know presses his manly buttons.

DO NOT SAY

Nothing.
or
Why do you never do X you lazy lump?
Can't you see that X needs doing you idle meatbag?
You never give me anything!
S's husband always does X!

The more advanced models have worked out for themselves that X will make you happy, sadly there are few of those models available.

When he's done X or given you X, use the Delighted technique, no matter HOW SMALL X WAS.

'Good boy, good boy, that's so wonderful, you're so clever, I'm so happy, thank you darling.'

If you have use the Approved Technique above, and it's not worked, there are two options. Either he's a thoroughly selfish git, or he doesn't love you that much, or he's a sievehead and he forgot about it. Move on to making him feel Guilty about it.

I wish you'd done X, it would have made me really happy.
I wish you'd given me X, it would have made me really happy.

Mournful, sad tone please ladies. No accusation or nagging. Just let your sadness show so they can see that they Have Not Made You Happy. Remember, these primitives love you in order to move in with you or marry you. Use it.

Try the wish cycle again.

If you've tried this cycle a few times and there is no improvement, you may have a defective model. I suggest you return it for a full refund and look for another one :rotfl:

delhome

thanks for all your support.just read the things that u have said. im doing this in the dark so my OH cant c and my ratbag . THANK U ALL X X X X X X X X X X XX X X X X X X X X X.THERE IS SOME NICE PPL IN THE WRLDXXXXXX

Little_Miss_Winner

Delhome you will be fine, fingers crossed for you, your daughter is lucky to have a mum as special as you!

Big Hugs
pot
xxx

Sarahx

Good wishes and good luck Delhome. Fluff just think how next Christmas could be for you......

I have just had the most brilliant Christmas.

What I did:
Worked full time nights
Paid for everything
Wrote all cards
Bought all gifts (and made some hampers)
Wrapped all presents (Anthea has nothing on me!)
Cleaned the house
Cleaned the car
Put up all decorations
Bought and decorated the tree
Decorated Christmas cakes I'd made in Oct (for family and work)
Made Chocolate cakes for kidz, work and neighbour
Did the food shop
Cooked for 5 on Christmas Day (all trimmings)
Cleared up after the meal, then went to work for a night shift
Have just done the big post Christmas house clean

What I DID NOT do:
See in-laws / b/f's parents
Deal with sulky man tantrums (ex b/f last Christmas!)
Stay anywhere longer than I wanted to
Fight for the sofa
Fight for the remote
Argue about anythng
Feel let down that someone wasn't pulling HIS weight

Instead I enjoyed the company my children (50/50 with ex hubby), my friends and family. Early baths and relaxed nights in. Catching up with old friends via e.mail.

Yep you got it I'm single and have had the best Christmas. If we have to do all the work ourselves anyway we may aswell reap the benefits!! So chin up fluff!! You can even do some guilt-free Christmas flirting!

Delhome - I had CIN 3 and told my children because then they could trust everything I told them which I think helped them to worry less. But it's very dependent on your Childs personality and past experiences. I think you're very right to take time to think about it and do what's right for you. No matter how your daughter behaves she does adore you! You're her Mummy and that's more special than anything! Kidz eh??!!

Big 2007 Hugs to everyone

Sarah x

3plus1

delhome wrote:

i know i should tell my daughter but i cant.she always says that something she loves goes away and never comes back. i dont want her to worry.what should i do

My mum had a scare when I was younger, and I remember 'the big people' talking behind closed doors, which for a family with no secrets, was really weird and upsetting. I only found out what had happened when I was older, and I really wish I could have been there for my mum. She didn't tell us kids. She wanted to protect us, in the same way you want to protect your daughter.

It was only a scare, my mum was never actually ill, but the worry was there, and I would have supported her in a heartbeat if she had let me know what was going on. Trust your daughter to want to do the same thing for you. You may think that your daughter thinks your other half is perfect, but I bet she really loves you too. No matter what they say or do, all girls always want their mum.:)

Ultimately, it's up to you... But if you're agonising over this one, maybe telling her would ease the stress. You should be focusing on YOU right now, and getting better.

Good luck with the treatment - we're all thinking about you and sending loads of positive energy your way.:)

3plus1 xxxx

Jet

I spent a few days with my boyfriend over Xmas. He came food shopping with me but then didn't have to lift a finger for the next 2 and a half days. I was perfectly happy to spoil him and make him feel at home in my home with my son. He played a board game with my son while I cooked dinner and everything was going quite well.

Until at half past one in the morning he suddenly decided he was thirsty and it was down to me to get up and get him a glass of water. I refused and I was told I was controlling. :mad:

I finished the relationship the next day. Whoever said on this thread, that you teach people how to treat you was right. He obviously thought that because I had done everything over Xmas, he expected me to do this too. It seems to me that you have to be hard with men otherwise they walk all over you.