Friendship Advice

balletshoes

I'm guessing you 2 didn't discuss what had upset you before on Tuesday when you were out?

You need to lay it on the line, tell him his behaviour at work towards you is not the way a friend behaves. If he takes it on board, great. If not, start calling him on it - loudly. Next time he attempts to belittle you and tells you you can't take a joke, loudly in front of everyone else tell him yes you can, but that joke wasn't funny. I've had to do that once with a colleague - it wasn't pleasant but it meant he knew where the line was with me, and it was over with. We are still friends and can pass the time of day with each other, both at work and socially.

bleh

balletshoes wrote: »

I'm guessing you 2 didn't discuss what had upset you before on Tuesday when you were out?

You need to lay it on the line, tell him his behaviour at work towards you is not the way a friend behaves. If he takes it on board, great. If not, start calling him on it - loudly. Next time he attempts to belittle you and tells you you can't take a joke, loudly in front of everyone else tell him yes you can, but that joke wasn't funny. I've had to do that once with a colleague - it wasn't pleasant but it meant he knew where the line was with me, and it was over with. We are still friends and can pass the time of day with each other, both at work and socially.

We did discuss it. I've told him loads of times, he's way too horrible to me and why can't he be nice to me? He just ignores it. Goes in one ear out the other. Dont know why its so hard for him to be nice to me. Everyone calls us a married couple but I always retaliate saying I would never marry him and they all think he loves the attention I give him when I react to his jokes. I'm losing my patience with him. I just want to stop talking to him.

balletshoes

okay, then maybe its time to tell your boss that you are feeling pressurised and uncomfortable at work because of the way this colleague is talking to you.

fs110

Sounds to me like he 'likes' you, he just has a very odd way of showing it and doesnt seem to spot that he is hurting you.

Have to agree with balletshoes though. It either stops now or you involve someone else in work. His behaviour, the way you describe it, is unacceptable.

Emmzi

if he can't be a good friend - stop being his friend.

you have given him an opportunity to change his behaviour, he has failed dismally, he does not care enough about your feelings, so stop being his friend.

from this point it *is* your fault because you are letting him do it to you. You aren't seven. Running to boss is running to teacher, I would not be at all impressed with you.

Make your choice - you stop the friendship or you stop the complaining.

bleh

I stopped talking to him and stayed out of his way.

He's now stopped talking to people at work and gone really quiet. I don't know why...I don't know whether it's because I've stopped talking to him.

I feel bad if it is. I know, I'm stupid. I don't like hurting people though.

bleh

I wouldn't get anyone involved...I made him sound like a monster. Like I said, if I needed help...he'd be the first person to do it.

We were good friends. He hasn't always been like this, so I wouldn't run to my boss. Plus I'd look stupid.

balletshoes

bleh wrote: »

I stopped talking to him and stayed out of his way.

He's now stopped talking to people at work and gone really quiet. I don't know why...I don't know whether it's because I've stopped talking to him.

I feel bad if it is. I know, I'm stupid. I don't like hurting people though.

but it was okay for him to hurt you? Don't feel bad, if he's being quiet thats a good thing, it means he's not ridiculing you or anyone else.

Emmzi

the top tip here is give it time.

no drama. no long talks to explain. just let him think. and give yourself space too.

well done

Sambucus_Nigra

bleh wrote: »

I stopped talking to him and stayed out of his way.

He's now stopped talking to people at work and gone really quiet. I don't know why...I don't know whether it's because I've stopped talking to him.

I feel bad if it is. I know, I'm stupid. I don't like hurting people though.

Tell him to grow up and start behaving like an adult. I'm presuming that he is an adult with no special needs?