Friendship Advice

bleh

Hello,

This is kind of embarassing asking for advice but i think its best asking people who don't know the individuals so they don't give a bias point of view.

Basically...I am a girl and I have a guy friend at work. We are 26 years old. We a work collegues (as mentioned) and last few months we became really close friends. He talks to me everyday at work, always helps me out and always comes and teases me. He also texts me almost every night and we text until late. People think he likes me...but I don't think he does because the thing is...

He is so sweet to me through text and at work sometimes but mostly at work, he really really teases me and its getting worse. Like he always puts me down and winds me up and sometimes really horrible. Sounds strange that we are good friends but i know he's a sweet person. Usually i am quite laid back and don't care about the teasing but sometimes it can get too much.

So basically, the last several days, i have been extremely stressed with general stuff and he was teasing me and winding me up and saying whats wrong with me even though he knew i was stressed and i really shouted at him. He was still ok with me after i shouted at him but i hardly spoke to him for a few days as i didnt want to be wound up when i was stressed.

Now he won't speak to me properly and i don't know why. Its really upsetting cos he gets me though normal working days.

Was i in the wrong? He's kind of stubborn so I don't know if he's going to speak to me again. He tells me he cares about me so maybe i hurt him? I don't know.

Please enlighten me on this situation!!

There_Goes_Trouble

Take him out for a drink, and be honest with him. Tell him you're sorry you shouted, but when he teases you he goes too far and it upsets you. Ask him nicely not to do it any more as you really value your friendship and he helps you through bad days.

He may not have realised that you weren't handling the teasing as well as he thought, since you've tolerated it for so long. He's not a mind reader and men don't pick up on subtle hints the same way that women do. You need to explain, but in a nice way, not blaming him but in a "I should have mentioned this sooner" kind of way.

If he doesn't respond to that then he's not as good a friend as you thought, because a true friend would not like to think their behaviour was having that effect on someone they care about.

That's how I'd handle it anyway.

balletshoes

great advice from There Goes Trouble - thats what I'd do .

savingmummy

Sounds like he does like you. School boys tease girls they fancy is he immature? sounds like he is!!

Just ask him outright whats wrong? He knew you were going through a stressful time and was getting on your nerves - very annoying if you ask me LOL!
It could be that you shouting at him made he step vack and think ` i better give her some space`.

bleh

The thing is though...he's being stubborn and funny with me so i'm kind of upset that he's being this way towards me and he might ignore me...

bleh

i asked him if he's ok with me and he said yeah...but totally has backed off me and i miss him being around.

CountingPennies

Never mind does he like you... sounds to me like you really like him, especially if you miss him being around. Text him now, tell him how you feel about him, and let all us nosey !!!!!!s on here know what he says,

In all seriousness tho, if he is really gonna fall out with you then he isn't the friend you thought he was. Hope you manage to sort it out xxx

bleh

Haha no I don't like him. I would know if I did but because he's been around me for so long...its weird. Plus I don't like hurting people. I do want to text him but I am stubborn myself and i feel like he'll be awkward with me so that might upset me more. Oh i dont know what to do . I wish i never lost my temper!

CountingPennies

Why would you wish you had never lost your temper?? He was winding you up. You told him to stop. He didn't. He deserved to be told. There is only so much we can take! You've done nothing wrong, and if he is gonna fall out with you over it, then it sounds to me like his loss. xxx

bleh

CountingPennies wrote: »

Why would you wish you had never lost your temper?? He was winding you up. You told him to stop. He didn't. He deserved to be told. There is only so much we can take! You've done nothing wrong, and if he is gonna fall out with you over it, then it sounds to me like his loss. xxx

true...x x x x

There_Goes_Trouble

I have very limited experience with men, but I know that they really do speak a different language when it comes to emotions and stuff. I find that when you're a girl who's mates with a bloke they treat you like they would another bloke friend, and they inadvertantly hurt you because they don't understand our female emotions. He's probably backed off because he know's he's hurt you, doesn't quite understand what the problem was because you've always been 'fine' with the teasing before, so now the rules and boundaries of your friendship have changed and he's not sure where he stands. He's being stubborn because he probably doesn't think he did anything wrong to deserve being shouted at - why would he if you've never told him?

Do him a favour, talk to him, explain what happened, how you've been feeling and why you lost your rag. Don't go accusing him of anything, try something like:

"you probably don't realise and that's my fault because I've never told you, but I find it very hurtful when you tease me at work to the extent that you do. I didn't say anything because I really value your friendship, but I should have explained sooner and I'm sorry. That's why I snapped the other day. I'm hoping that we can still be friends and go back to how we were, just without the teasing."

Oh, and you need to listen to his thoughts too, really listen and think before you react so that you don't both end up just accusing each other of stuff. Accept what he says and clear the air. He will have been hurt by your shouting at him so you may need to apologise for that.

Again, that's how I'd do it, but other people will probably have better ideas. I just find that telling someone how their behaviour makes you feel without making them feel guilty or bad about it, hopefully stops them getting defensive and throwing accusations back at you.