Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

AnW'sMum

Of course it's ok and I am sure John would approve. It will be a tough day (especially being the first close family birthday since John passed away) but from what you have told us all previously you are a strong family unit and that alone will get you through. Just don't expect too much of any of you and go with the flow, if it's tears fine, if it's laughter even better

That first visit to the cemetary is the hardest, I wish I could be there in person for moral support, I shall be thinking of you. Just a word to the wise, when I went to see DH after some of the bad weather I got the shock of my life as it had all sunk (not as bad as some I might add but enough). Never having been to a new grave before I didn;t know what had caused it until someone else who was there said it was the rain. So please be prepared just in case, I don't want to upset you rather prepare you for the possibility.

I try not to think of DH being there either, to help DD (who went to the funeral) I explained Daddy's body is broken so his spirit has gone up to heaven and really he is not in the ground becuase that is 'just' his body there and the real Daddy is floating somewhere above us. It helps me to think like that as well.

Stormy do what is right for you please, there are no right or wrong ways to deal with this just what is right for you. I am here if you want me, you are doing so well, be proud of that, I bet John is proud of what you are doing.

Oh flipping heck look at me going on again!

Love n hugs

xx

Dumyat

glad to see you home safe and well stormy. there will be so many "firsts" in the months and year to come. some more difficult than others.

thinking of the others on the thread who are living through their own nightmares.

twink

glad your trip went okay stormy, you did it and i agree with having a glass of wine, that is an achievement that will see you through and come out strong, but the first year is so hard
i dont much care for going to the cemetery either and dont think too much when i go to tidy and plant, to me dh is with me all the time, for the first couple of years i always put from dad on the cards but everyone has their own ways, so sad about your stepson, glad he is coming home soon
take care everyone, sending love and hugs x

anniestar

Morning to all. Glad your trip went well Stormy and that you are safely home.AnW's mum, mandymoo,twink, snaggles,chrismojam, dogrose and of course, Stormy SO much love to you all. vrytime I come on here I nd up in tears. The love and comfort on here is totally breathtaking. You are all amazing. Thank you. By hte way will be printing stacks of this(going out shortly to get some printer ink) Have a good day evrybody, HUGS and love to all.

AnW'sMum

Morning everyone

Hugs all round and :bdaycake: for Stormy's DS1.

I am on a mission today after total appathy since DH died I have signed up for flylady and am trying to get this place in order! Alice is at after school club and William is going to Nannie's after nursery so I hope to make some inroads. Will check in with you all later.

Dustykitten

Hi all, hope the sun is at least shining where you are today.

Good Luck with the Flylady AnW'sMum, I found it really helpful, you might need to take a bit of it tongue in check - especially the lacing your shoes, but it does help to concentrate the mind.

I was watching a wildlife program about free diving yesterday with ds yesterday and out of nowhere he said to me I think that heaven is the ocean, not the sky and that whale is John (his grandad). Then he said one day we will all be down there swimming around with him. I thought it was sweet but then we had the usual tears as he is terrified of me passing. He says things like when I am grown up you will die and I don't want you too, and is obsessed about not getting older. His 5th birthday is soon but he is not excited as he does not want to get older. I feel all this so sad. He is really clingy still. It is 2 years since his grandad went and he was only just approaching 3. Any tips from anyone greatly appreciated. BTW there is no place to take him as it were as Mum has never laid him to rest and the ashes are still at the undertakers - a whole different story.

Love Dusty x

mandymoo

Hi dusty, I love your sons way of thinking that grandad was the whale it is so sweet. have you maybe thought of planting a special tree,bush or plant in your garden or maybe set aside a little bit to make it grandads garden. I have got a plant that was in my dads garden that i was looking after for mum and dad when they moved house, it never grew very well in their garden but was one of dads favourites so we put it in mine while they moved.
As it was they moved in the august and dad died in the january, mum said to leave it where it is and it has come on leaps and bounds. The first fathers day I bought a lovely bronze plaque that said Dads Garden on it and put that infront of the bush it makes it a private place for just us.
It is good that your son is able to talk to you about how he feels,was there a place that grandad took him that he could visit ?
It must be hard for you as well not having somewhere to go.
Thinking of you and yours
mandymoo xxxx

twink

it is so sad for children, its bad enough for us to come to terms with things, think a small bit of the garden would be nice, you could choose which seeds to sow or rose bush to buy, my dgs 1 was only three when he lost grampa Tom and he still gets upset at times yet, i always imagined he would run home from school, throw his bag in at the door and come running over to us to see what grampa was doing, anyway, AnWsmum, i remember being very tired, take small steps and you will get there xx

Stormybay

Hello everyone,

AnW'sMum, I've been trying to make inroads into tidying and sorting, but just can't face it, it feels so pointless at the moment.

On a bit of a downer tonight really. My best friend was to be getting married in Cuba this September, John and I were going with the happy couple and John was to give her away to her new hubby, on the beach. Well, she came around tonight to tell me that they've postponed the wedding for a year as she can't bare the thought of John not being there and really can't seem to get her head around that he wont be there. (This was to be John and my forst holiday together without any children). I feel so sad that my best friend is postponing her wedding. I'm sort of not sure what to think, I feel guilty, but she says I have no need to feel like that, she just not in a wedding mood. I told her that she should go ahead and I'll give her away, and find another friend to go with me so I wouldn't be a gooseberry at her wedding, but she is determined.

She is really fine about it and says another year wont make a difference. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that the repurcussions of this tragedy spread far and wide and in a way, it's lovely that she feels it wont be the same without John, but it's her wedding. I've tried to tell her that life is too short and she should go ahead, but to no avail.

Oh, I don't know, rambling as usual. On the plus side, I had my review with my boss today and that went well, I'm doing ok and my team have held there own even though I've been off. They are a great team, I know they wouldn't let me down.

DS1's birthday and it was very sad this morning, I didn't add John to the card (John was DS1's stepdad, and at 20, I thought he would be ok), he was actually quite subdued and said it felt really odd not to have John's name on the card after 13 years. My 3 older children never see their natural father, no cards or anything, so John was their 'Dad'. He was really emotional and sad.

Life is cruel for a lot of us isn't it, but we are keeping our heads up and all our passed loved onew would be proud of us.

As others have said............baby steps.

Take care all and thanks for the kids words and support.

Love Stormy
xxxxxx

Stormybay

Thank you so much for the birthday cake AnW'sMum......Mmmm we love chocolate cake.