Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

lil_me

You could always say look if things aren't going well and it's too much you can come home, and make sure the teachers know this too. That way you will leave the decision up to her and she will be able to see how it goes. If you think it may be too upsetting to talk to them about it, maybe put it in writing what has happened and that you would like them to ensure she is kept an eye on and if it gets too much she can return home. Rescue Remedy is very good, might be worth a try.

catznine

Hello Stormy!

((((Hugs)))) It is still so recent and raw for you all and you must still all be in shock. Your dd is going to need lots of reassurance as I guess she will be worrying about you too. I prescribe plenty of hugs, cuppas, talks and whatever you may need to get through this terrible time.

This is such a difficult time for you all but a lot of people will understand that you are going to need time and that you need to be able to go at your own pace.

We are here when you need us, only wish I was closer to be able to help more.

Take care of yourself

Catz x

sarymclary

Hello Stormy,
Have only just been able to get back online after my PC had a fit, but back again - for now! I was thinking of you and your family all Friday, and was checking the clock from noon onwards, knowing what stage you were going to be at exactly. I'm pleased the service went so well, that's such an important thing to draw memories from later. After the service is a bit of a blur for us all I think. It's the dreaded part, and one we have to endure, but would rather not have. I think our mind is kind enough to make recollection hazy.

Well, yes indeed, there is a life to keep getting on with, but it just doesn't feel quite right does it? I know what you mean, but every day is a little step along the path, and you will find a way forward, just be patient with yourself, and don't expect too much too soon. A good idea to keep yourself busy around the house and garden. I have just had one project after another, and it has worked. A busy mind doesn't dwell on grief, although there are constant reminders - I kept finding my DH chewing gum and old cigarette ends in the flower borders for ages (I still berated him as I found them, as I would have if he were still here). Even the boys used to remark about the little bush that daddy used to talk to, and that he called Sarah because it was small and bright, and that it was a bit bedragled looking now because he didn't chat to it. A funny thing to have noticed - DH didn't even do the garden, I always did.
Anyway my dear, do keep doing whatever it is you're doing, because it sounds like you're getting by. I think it's natural for your DD3 to be worried about going back to school, and it will be difficult for her, but I'm absolutely sure her schoolfriends and the staff will take great care of her. Her tummy is probably nervy, hence feeling ill. You are right of course (Mum's usually are), the diversion school will bring, and the normality it imposes will be of help to her. You'll probably be feeling just the same as her next week when you're about to go back into work. It's that step back into the real world again after the event. Life isn't the same for you, but it is for everyone you left there.
Anyway, you just take care of you and your's, and as you've gathered by now, we are all here for you whenever you need us.
Take care,
S

miggy

Hi Stormy,
It was an excellent idea to go and do something practical with today, well done. Big hugs to you all especially you and DD3. She will get through tomorrow, just make sure the school knows and especially her teacher. I rang my 10 y.o.'s school after his Grandad died and told them he was coming in but to bear in mind what had happened. They were really good and he was fine.
Do you have plans for tomorrow? I will be thinking of you.

Stormybay

Hmmm, tomorrow, I have to go to John's doctors to take back a blood pressure machine and diabetes test kit they had loaned us about a month ago, I have my grandson for about an hour in the morning whilst DD2 goes to enrole in college. I have a few more bits in the shed that I'm going to take to the skip then go to the supermarket as the food situation is rather low, so hoepfully I will be busy. I have to phone the hospital where John had the stents put in, as they have sent a follow up appointment for next month! This is despite the surgeon phoning up the day after John died, to see how he was doing, and me telling him what had happened. It would be a shame if the right hand knew what the left hand was doing.
Oh, I also need to phone up John's car ins company to sort out the insurance, I'm assuming the car isn't insured now. God it's so awful doing things like this as it seems like I'm getting rid of him, which is so far from the truth, I'd rather not do any of it, but practical stuff keeps me going......
Hmm, still no where near sleep......again!

kazzaw

Hi Stormy

You are coping so well even though you probably don't think you are. :A

Well done on keeping busy. A close friend of mine lost her husband recently & she has coped by keeping busy. She even came into work between his death & the funeral as she said she would rather be there than at home. She told everyone to stop being nice to her as it was making her cry & to treat her normally.

I think sending your daughter to school but telling her she can come home whenever she wants is an excellent idea if she will agree to it. It will distract her a little & she may even enjoy the attention from her friends. Make sure she knows that you will be alright as she probably wants to look after you. She may also think if she lets you out of her sight you may disappear too.

Try to get some sleep sweetheart. Try reading a book as someone else suggested but nothing too exciting!!

TTFN

Karen

Ruby_Pudding

Stormybay wrote:

Oh, I also need to phone up John's car ins company to sort out the insurance, I'm assuming the car isn't insured now. God it's so awful doing things like this as it seems like I'm getting rid of him, which is so far from the truth, I'd rather not do any of it, but practical stuff keeps me going......
Hmm, still no where near sleep......again!

You're not getting rid of him, you know that, and John would have had to go through the same things if you had gone first.

Sleep tight.

Dustykitten

Morning all,

I hope that your daughter and you slept and that you are able to face today. Doing the practical jobs must be so tough. I did all of them for Mum the whole lot, arranged the funeral, the probate, the banks, the insurance the lot. I though I was helping her but with hindsight I think it sent her into denial for longer and just made it possible for me to delay greiving because I was so busy being strong. You are doing so much better - good luck DK

Snaggles

Stormy, please don't feel as though you are getting rid of him, you are just taking care of the practical side of things - he will live on in your heart, and in the hearts of your children, not on pieces of paper and insurance policies.

I am sorry to hear your daughter is feeling so bad, but as others have said, I'm sure you are doing the right thing in giving her some sort of normality - it will help to give her back the feeling of security that losing someone takes away. Her reaction is perfectly normal, in fact it would be more worrying if she was unable to express her grief. I am thinking about all of you.

Anniestar, I hope you are doing okay, my thoughts are with you too, and with all those who have lost people they love. Take care xxx

Fritha_2

Stormy,

I hope the little stormy had a ok day at school (if she went) hopefully she'll find that being with her friends will help her to feel a bit more normal.

And I hope you're having an ok day today, it must be hard to be in your house on your own after being surrounded by people for so long. As you've been doing, just try to keep busy to distract yourself!

To echo what others have said, you feel as though you're getting rid of John by sorting out all the practicalities which is only to be expected but as Snaggles said, John isn't bits of paper, he's your kids and your memories. Sort out the paperwork then get a cup of tea, some biscuits then sit down and watch something you like on the tele, or have a nice long bath, something relaxing as a reward for doing all the difficult stuff.

And Annie, have this big virtual hug too.

And while I'm giving them out Sara, your posts have been very practical and reassuring and generally lovely, but you've been through a dreadful time too so have a big hug better.