Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

sarymclary

AnW'smum, I totally relate to your last post. My youngest had his leaver's assembly on 21st, and his last day at school was 22nd. He's my youngest, and so my baby, and I have really struggled with the concept of him growing up so much that he's now off to secondary school. He doesn't turn 11 until next week, which doesn't help. I watched him walk down the road to go swimming with some friends last night, and he just looks like a little boy, not a big kid about to mix with older kids. He's still hooked on Pokemon and Bionicles, not texting and MSN. It just seems too soon for him.

As with you, it marks that milestone of moving farther away from the time his dad was here. His dad wasn't alive for his first day at school, so he's had his whole education after losing him. The other weird thing is that he looks the absolute spit of his dad. It's really uncanny, and he has mannerisms he could never have learnt, but they are just within him.

I hope you have a good summer holiday everyone. I'm taking my two youngest boys on their very first aeroplane in a couple of weeks time, and going to visit an old friend of mine in Denmark.

I think tied in with my youngest growing up, I started to feel very broody, so have now got myself a kitten to indulge that need, so I now have a little girl at last, although I've not named my new kitty yet ;o)

AnW'sMum

Well here we are on the eve of the new school year. We have got the uniform and labelled it, even ironed some bits! Bags are found and ready, lunch boxes waiting to be filled and homework completed (just tonight!!!) I just need to polish the shoes as they both still fit their old shoes although Alicce will need new ones very soon. We had to order some at clarks as they only had a few in her size which did not fit that well, obviously we couldn't go too far in advance as you know how kids feet go through spurts.

So far I feel ok, perhaps the morning will be different once they are both safely in school. It will be odd them going to different places, Alice is on the bus for the first time (for school) so that is a new experince in itself for her. She looked so grown up when she tried everything on. I shall take a picture like we always do on the first morning of the new school year, perhaps then there will be damp eyes. I know Ian would be so proud of them both and I can almost hear his voice saying he is going to lock Alice in her bedroom to keep all those teenage lads away!

I hope everyone with kids back at school can smile and think of happy times from past school years. Just think how many proud parents up there are jostling for a peep of a loved one on their first days back.

Dustykitten

I hope you have had a lovely summer AnW'sMum. I wish Alice every happiness in her new school, all those new things to try, new friends to make but best of all telling you all about it at end of the day. I hope William has a good year too. Mine are already back as of today. Middle one is on work experience from 7:45 until 5:45 so is tired already. Sending a special hug for you as well, you will be fine for you know you just have to be xx

Stormybay

Hello Everyone,
I hope you are all doing ok??
Well, it feels like forever since I've been on here, although I do nip in and out. It's been almost 5 years now since John tragically passed away, I still miss him, although now, my thoughts of him make me smile
I went to the cemetery this morning, I don't go on 'special' days, just when I feel the need, today was one of those days. I took some lovely flowers, and went at 8am when it was lovely, quiet and sunny, I had a lovely chat with him.
Our daughter is off school today, she actually went to a 16th birthday party at the weekend and got drunk, lol. She's normally so sensible, so I thought it was quite a funny story to tell her Dad.
She was in South Africa all summer, on a World Challenge, where she spent time in orphanages and schools, helping young children who are alone, due to abuse, or aids. I can't tell you how proud of her I am.
Time is moving on here, I now have 3 grandchildren, and another on the way. From having a houseful of children, there is only me and Rosie here now.
Another bitnof news is I've met a new man too!! Actually, it's someone I've known for 28 years. We were an item when I was 20 years old, and were were together a couple of years. We then split up and both married other people and had families.
It's quite bizarre, as for all this time, we have lived just 5 miles apart and we've never set eyes on each other from that day to this.
He found me on the dreaded Facebook and asked if I'd like to need up to share emotional and physical scars, boy did I have a lot of those, lol.
Anyhow, we are getting on really well, and I cant tell you how happy I feel at the moment. I do think tho, that going to the cemetery this morning, was to gauge how I feel moving forward with the new man. I know that if the roles were reversed, I would hope that John would have found someone else to be happy with.
Well, I felt ok and I know I can't turn the clock back, so time to move on I guess, which isn't without it's guilt, but also with a glint in my eye
I hope all of you who are recently bereaved or are suffering at the moment, keep well, and my thoughts, as always, are with you.
I'm so in awe all of of you who cope day to day, I still don't know how we do it, but thank goodness we do
Xxxx

sarymclary

Hey Stormy, good to hear from you. Thank you for thinking to let us all know how you're getting along. So happy to hear your news, and hear your happiness coming through in your post. Rosie sounds such a delightful girl still. Is she carrying on doing her football?

Moving forward is the new phase of living, as opposed to the old way of moving away, don't you think? The fact that it's been almost 5 years since you lost John seems incredible. The time has gone so fast, but so much has happened in the meantime too. All those grandchildren too, wow!

Well, as with all of us, life goes on here too. This year has seen changes for me too. It's been a difficult year with my #2 son, who dropped out of college, got involved with friends who weren't a great influence, and the relationship between him and the rest of the family at home has slowly degenerating. He turns 18 next month, so I told him in the summer that he was going to have to start looking into somewhere else to live. He made a good choice by returning to college for a different course, and has managed to get a place in a young person's managed accommodation. Ironically, all the issues he had with being at home like curfews, not having friends at the house all the time, respecting other people's feelings/belongings, letting us know if he's staying out overnight, are even more strict there, but he seems to think it's better, which is the main thing. It's been incredibly emotional for me, because I didn't feel ready to let one of my boys go, so I still have my wobbly moments about it, but he's only been gone a week or so. He's the son most like his dad in mannerisms, and in many of his impulsive ways, so I get panicky about him repeating some of the bad things his dad did, but I can't control everything in their lives forever... I've done well to get this far I guess.

The issues with son #2 caused upset between my BF and I too, as #2 tried desperately hard to push his buttons, and to get a negative reaction. Thank goodness my BF has the patience of a saint. What my son doesn't realise is that his father didn't, and would have knocked his block off. I hope that now we've all got some breathing space, we can create some kind of manageable family relationship. Golly, that would be nice.

Amongst all of this, I decided to start my own business this year. Timing probably could have been better, but in my defense I had no idea #2 was going to be so badly behaved all year. I've turned what has been an avid hobby since I was a child, into a living, by starting my own cake making venture. I've had fun doing it, and it's been bloody hard work, but I think I'm finally getting there. What I love the most about it is that I get to be creative, which I have always enjoyed doing. If anyone wants to have a peek at what I do, then PM me for details for links to my facebook page or website (that's not a marketing plug, purely giving you the chance to be nosey).

Youngest son started secondary school this year, so that's a big milestone passed. I forgot that one was coming, and OMG he looks so much like his dad. He's had some issues with nervous tics, which were diagnosed as tourettes syndrome in the summer. I worried that they might be a big problem going up into big school, but he seems to be coping very well, and has got himself involved with the drama group, and will be in their production of Grease in the new year.

So, Christmas looms once again. A poignant annniversary for you Stormy, but surely a wonderful time too now with grandchildren to enjoy it.

I think of you all often, and wonder how you're all doing on your journeys through this tricky life we have. I admire every one of you who cope with each passing year, and all it brings.

S xxx

PuppyLove_2

Wow you guys are amazing, i have read through the whole of this thread and connot believe what some of you have had to go through!

Stormybay i have to admit that i have become additcted to your stories!

Please keep us updated with your kids and new man, i am glad that you have found happiness again and you are a true inspiration.

Take Care everyone! xx

Newbie2saving

Hello ladies,

Just thought I would pop by to see how you are all doing and it is nice to see a lot of positivitey through such tragic lives. AnW's Mum, great to read your story of your daughter leaving school, I have all that to come, and even dread it now that each child will have their mummy and daddy there at Nativity plays/first days/ sports day etc and my DS will only have me - yet I guess it is more my issue than his as he has only ever had his mummy.

Saryclary - hope your son is enjoying high school and that he is still young for his age, I hope this for my Son. Children grow up so quickly!!! Sounds as though your BF is a great support!

Stormybay - how are things going with the new man? Any updates? Hope you are well and that your son has settled down some.

My update - nothing to report, well other than we moved out of my parents house in the summer (where I moved to the day my DH was killed in a RTA) and are now facing things together as a team. As I was pg at the time and then had our newborn, my parents have found it incredibley hard for us to move on (they love us both so much and want to wrap us up in cotton wool), but supported us every step of the way. So I have a lovely new home (sold our other one as too far from family support - beyond hard, feeling of guilt at selling, so many memories etc), which I am so thankful to DH for. My DS is talking away, is so excited by simple things, seeing life through the eyes of a child is truely heart warming. Snow this week has been exciting, but not exciting enough for a snowman! It is his first Chirstmas where he is slightly aware, so it makes me have to get into the Christmas spirit for him. He is so like my DH, it is unreal - spookily so! Having said that it is nicely reassuring, like my DH is still here in a way.

I know it is a difficult time of year for a lot of us, I am still struggling without my sidekick. I wish all of you a happy Christmas and all the best for 2012. May it bring us peace, joy and happiness.

Good night all x.

AnW'sMum

Hi everyone

Newbie time passes all too quickly as I know you are already finding out. Alice has just completed her first term at the big school and is enjoying it, she has had a certificate for excellent attendance and a voucher for accuring lots of house points. We also found out that she is on the able and talented list which is only open to the top 10% of the school. As a result she won a place on a trip to the Palace of Westminster back in October. She had a great time there and came back home full of fascinating facts about the history of it all. William is enjoyig school even though Alice is not there now and he is now walking part of the way home on his own each day. Even more amazinngly he remembers to bring his lunch box, coat and reading book! His class were in choir for the nativity and all had their obilgatory crown of tinsel on Newbie, the firsts cause a real bag of emotions to swirl round, pride, grief and tears of both sadness and happiness. Your son will do you proud of that I am sure and if it is any comfort he won't be the only one with just one parent there (your reason for single parenthood is different to the rest that's all) maybe grandad and/or nannies could be there instead?

Well done on taking the huge step to move into your own place, a whole new exciting chapter in your lives unfolding right in front of your eyes. Christmas is an exciting time for little ones even if they don't understand all the fuss and I am so pleased that you can see Daddy through your son. It's uncanny at times how they take on mannerisms that they can not possibly have learnt. Try writing down the things that he does and how it reminds you of DH so that he can read how like Daddy he is when he is older.

I can't believe that another year has almost passed, it's my birthday today and this year I am now older than Ian when he died which is a very odd feeling. Alice and William are as I type organising a surprise party at Mum and Dad's for me!

I hope that everyone finds time to laugh and love over the Christmas period and think back on happy memories in times past. I am certian that our OH's will be looking down on us all and smiling with pride at how well we have all coped.

Wisihing you all a happy and peaceful Christmas and New Year xx

Newbie2saving

AnW's Mum - Happy belated birthay, hope you had a great 'surprise party'!!!!

Thanks for your notes to me, you are right, firsts are hard, special, but draw on all the emotions!

Enjoy your Christmas with your special little ones x.

sarymclary

Happy birthday AnW'smum, and I hope the 'surprise' party was fun. It was mine last week, and it is strange to think we're older than our husbands will ever be.

Newbie, the firsts are always the hardest, and as the years go by we seem to pass so many of them. I can totally relate to how you say your son is like your husband. My youngest is just the spit of his dad, but was so little when he passed away, that none of his mannerisms and way scan be down to nurture, but purely down to nature. He pulls these funny little faces when expressing himself, he walks in a particular way... it's just uncanny sometimes. An old friend of the family was visibly shocked this summer when we visited, and she took me to one side, and quietly said to me 'oh my! he's so like his daddy, it's freaking me out!' My youngest is now 11, and in the spring it will be 8 years since his daddy died. The time has seemed to fly by, but feels like it was only yesterday, but when I think of all the changes that have taken place in those 8 years, it's been action packed.

Good news seems to be that son #2 is making a success of living away from home, and is carrying on his education with good results. I got a lovely message from his this morning saying how much he misses me, that he appreciates all I've done for him, even if he didn't show it at the time, and that he realises how much I mean to him because I'm all he has left. It was worth all the tears and heartache this year to read that first thing this morning.

Money is really tight again this year, so it's a frugal Christmas to be had here, but we will all be together, and #2 son is coming home to stay for a few days. He'll probably be desperate to go again once he has to share living space with his 3 siblings again.

Stormy, I know the anniversary of John's death is on Thursday, and I'll be thinking of you and the family.

Wishing everyone a Happy Christmas, and a peaceful New Year. xxxx